New Autism Resource for Families

If someone in your family has an autism diagnosis, there's a new online resource you should check out. The Interactive Autism Network was created by the Kennedy Krieger Institute in Baltimore to connect families with other families and researchers, according to a recent article in the US News & World Report. You can fill out forms detailing your family member's treatment plan and find out more about how effective others view the treatment - though information is kept confidential unless you agree to have it released to researchers.

There's a community section , as well, where you can chat with other families. Within a month, the site has attracted 13,000 members - that's a lot of people who can give you feed back.

I have a friend whose child was diagnosed with autism. This child has a long medical history - she was born a micro preemie, and that means a lot of health problems and developmental uncertainity. She's had surgeries, is legally blind and is developmentally delayed. My friend handled these issues so well, I thought she should've been named Mother of the Year.

But the autism diagnosis was very difficult for her. It took her several months to process it and, more and less, accept it. (Everyone who knows this child has a lot of questions about the diagnosis, including me.)

My point is, autism is a frightening diagnosis because there's so little we know and we associate it with a child turning into some sort of robot that can't love us. But it's more complicated than that. Maybe this website will help doctors and families learn more about what autism is, what it means and what helps.

Monday Quick Tip: Judging Movies

Ever wonder if a movie is really appropriate for your child?

I mean, every child differs. You can't really say that what one five-year-old loves won't scare your five-year-old into week-long nightmares. And movie ratings are so general, they're useless, particularly since nothing gets a G rating anymore. Almost everything is filed under the ubiquitious PG or PG-13.

Personally, I need a lot more information before I decide whether a film is okay for my child. And I hate those conservative sites that just issue blanket commands about what's good for kids and what's not. Personally, I don't mind my child watching Bugs Bunny. But a lot of fundamentalist and peaceniks do.

Here's what I do: I check out the movie on Kids-In-Mind. It's tag is "Movie Ratings that Actually Work." What I love about this site is that it lists exactly what it means when it says there's cartoon violence or crude language. I mean, down to the actual lines and scenes. It's great.

Thanks to Kids-In-Mind, I can screen for what I think is appropriate, not what some unknown critic with a child-raising agenda thinks is okay.

Family Finances

This month, I've been tackling our family finances.

Thanks to a frugal upbringing, I entered my adult life without debt. My husband, alas, did not. In fact, because he decided to leave the Marine ROTC after receiving two-years of tuition at Boston college, he entered his post-college life with around $60,000 in debt.

He managed to wipe out more than $50,000 by joining the Navy and serving four years as an enlisted man - quite possibly, he ws the only enlisted man at the base who had a four-year degree.

Time and time again, I've read that money is the number one cause of divorce. It really doesn't have to be this way.

There are lots of online resources to help you get out of debt and manage money. And there are different ways of making it work if you and your spouse have different ideas about how to manage money. For years, one of my friends and her husband held separate accounts. They split their bills, each paying a percentage based on income. This worked for them for years. After the birth of their child, they merged accounts but by this time, they were on the same page financially, more or less, and they have an incredibly strong marriage and are financially healthy today.

When I married my husband, we set out to knock out the debt immediately. We went to extremes to do this: One car, beans for dinner, a crappy apartment, no new furniture and thrift store clothes. Of course, the fact that the Navy provided all his work clothes helped a lot on the wardrobe budget. I drew a bar chart on a piece of ruled paper and tacked it to our fridge. Each month, I'd color in our debt contribution, so we could see our progress.

We're debt free - except for our mortgage - and now we're applying those same techniques to savings. Yes, sometimes we still haggle over money, but we're never overwhelmed by our financial situation.

Here's an article to help you if you're dealing with family and financial stress. I particularly like the advice about setting aside money for your basic needs first. I would add a few more tips, though:

• Set aside some money for savings. The rule of thumb is 10 percent, but if you can only save $10, then do that. Saving may seem like a luxury, but it's not. It's the only way to get out of debt in the long run. By creating a savings, you're building a cushion to pay for emergencies without incuring more debt. When we were young, lived in an apartment and had no children, I found that a $200-500 emergency fund would take care of most emergencies. When we bought a house, we needed more like $1000. Now that we have a child, I've realized we need more like $5000-$10,000 to comfortably deal with the myriad of things that can go wrong in a given year. We're not there yet, but we're working on it.
• Decide how much you can pay on debt. If this is below what creditors want you to pay, then contact them and tell them what you will be paying. Really, devote 10 percent of your take-home to debt reduction and find a way to live off the rest. If you have more to spend, then you can try Dave Ramsey's Snowball approach or you can pay down the highest interst debt first. The first is psychologically rewarding and may be the carrot you need to keep going. The second is financially 'smarter' but can be discouraging if you have tons of different bills and collectors calling.
• Cut expenses and stop spending. Some people call this "budgeting." If you hate that term, here's an easy fix for you: Grab some envelopes, get 70-80 percent of your money in cash and then start dividing it into the envelopes. Label the envelopes: Rent, food, gas, utilities, phone, clothes, household. Put more in food than you think you'll need. Not enough for clothes and households? Shop yardsales and thrift stores. Ask for clothes for your birthday. If you run out of gas, walk, carpool or take the bus.
  
• Get another job. Hey, no one should ever be too good to deliver pizza. Not your teen, not your spouse, not you.
  

Monday Quick Tip: Tax Tips for All Ages

The IRS posts a tip each day about taxes. This newsite has gathered all the tips in one place. You can scroll and skim for the tips that apply to you and your family.

I always review family finances in general around tax time. I can do this because hubby generally prepares the taxes. This year, I'm investigating 529 college savings plans. Here's a quick tip from Money magazine: Check into your state's 529. Does it offer deductions for contributions to its 529 plans? Mine, and many others, do not. Oh, sure, they'll tout that they "don't put income tax on earnings used for qualified expenses," but that's the very definition of a 529 - nobody taxes the earnings if they're used for qualified expenses.

If there are no tax benefits, then investigate another state's plan. It doesn't matter where you invest - you can use the benefits in any state, at any college. If there aren't tax deductions with your state, you may be better off going elsewhere. The key is to look at the expenses in managing and opening the fund.

Money suggests the Utah 529. I looked into it and thought the Virginia 529 plan also offered similar benefits, so I'm looking into both. Either plan offer great management, low expenses and are top picks.

You can research 529 funds at SavingforCollege.com.

Video Games: Good for Families?

Read just about anything that's family-oriented, and you'll find video games are widely disparaged. They lead to attention deficit disorder, obesity and isolate your child (or husband) from the rest of the family. "Get outside, do something together, have a game night," these sources all say.

All of those things are good, of course. But I think it's time to back up off the video games.

Not long ago, we visited a family and stayed overnight. The next day, we all enjoyed a quiet Sunday and I got a sneak peek inside their regular weekend experience.

They played video games.

And they had a blast.

True, they couldn't all play together. Mom did spend some time working on her computer, but she was there in the family/dining room with everyone and frequently commented or laughed at things she heard. Dad was having a great time, doing something he loved with his son and older daughter. The youngest child went back and forth between watching and doing her own thing, but she was very happy to laugh at their antics.

They took turns, talked smack, moved around a lot, (video games can be very physical), and included my husband. They had a great time.

I don't see that this is so different than other hobbies and games. Right now, my hubby - who took the day off - is playing Lego Star Wars with Tidbit. She's asking lots of questions and they're talking. She's learning how to use the controls - which will help her later when we finally set up a computer for her. (We're a very technology-oriented family, since we both work in technology.)

I think the key is to make it a family activity and not let your child sit alone in a basement for hours playing video games. Set up a few rules about usage. Find child-friendly games and avoid the violence.

Gamer Dad is a great resource for age-appropriate video game information. That's where I learned about our favorite family games: Katamari Damacy, Dance, Dance Revolution, and Lego Star Wars I.

Building Family Bonds During Holidays

Holidays mean family gatherings, and, for many, that translates into stressful and potential volatile interactions.

Diffuse the holiday with a little planning. This week, plan something you can do to lighten the atmosphere. Games are always a good choice. Everyone moans at charades, but it's always fun, and all ages can play. If it's fair weather, head out for an Easter Egg hunt - hey, who said adults don't like candy? - or a scrimmage game.

Or get out. Go boating, canoeing or hiking, if your family is so inclined. If the parents or grandparents won't go, then go with your siblings or younger relatives. There's nothing that says everybody has to stay in the same room after the meal. Breaking into smaller groups can help you bond with individual members of your family.

If you don't think you can get your family off the couch after the big meal, try these alternatives:

• Bring a game system and play something fun, like Lego's Star Wars or Dance, Dance Revolution. No G games? You can always rent.
• Beg, borrow or rent a Karaoke machine.
• Play poker or Rook.
  
• Look through old pictures of vacations and other fond memories.
• Rent a fun movie everybody can enjoy. Even animated feature - such as Shrek - which appeal across the generations. Pop Peeps instead of Popcorn.
  

Studies indicate that couples who engage in fun, new activities renew the feelings of falling in love. Why shouldn't this logic apply to families as well?

I'd like to hear other ideas on how you can build family - instead of fight - during a holiday. Our next major holiday: Mother's Day!

We Try It: The YMCA's Healthy Kids Day

Nationally, the YMCA's Healthy Kids Day will be April 14. But for some reason, our Metro Y decided to host the event earlier.

We were pretty excited to have a free, family-friendly event. As it turned out, a lot of people felt the same. And by "a lot," I mean thousands. A half hour past the start time, there was still a line just to get into the stadium parking lot! And a line to get into the stadium, where the event was held.

My first thought: Wrong day. There must be a game.

But then I saw the tiny yard signs indicating that, no, this was the right day. And yes, all these people were here for the YMCA Healthy Kids Day.

So, my first advice: Go early. Or go very late.

As it turned out, the Y staff was just as dumbfounded at the turnout as we were. Who knew there were that many families looking for fun all on the same day? Maybe it was the free t-shirts - which apparently ran out immediately - or the offer of free food -ice cream gone in the first hour, apples gone in the second. But it seemed like every kid in my city came.

The activities were cleary designed for a smaller crowd. The dance and jump rope demonstrations were sidewalk level, which caused a traffic jam with a lot of people standing around, unable to see. The karate demonstration, held on a sloping hill, was a bit easier to see, but it was a bit unorganized and, well, slow, so nobody paid much attention.

There was a half hour line at least for the three blow-up bouncers. We dutifully stood in line with our one child, who, when faced with the grinning catepillar bouncing maze, said, "I don't want to go," and started putting her shoes back on.

Inside the stadium, we found a relay race of some sort. Unfortunately, you couldn't just jump in. The teams were set up ahead of time, which was a huge disappointment to me. Also, the children all seemed to be in the late elementary range, which cut out a huge chunk of the child population.

There were some games involving a football and bean bags, but they only had one of each, which translated into long lines.

The police and firefighters brought their usual State Fair trucks for children to learn about fire drills and meth labs. We had to leave the police truck, because the pictures were a bit horrific for a four-year-old: What does it teach my child to see a toddler with third degree burns from a meth-lab accident? Don't hang out with bad parents? And do parents who run meth-labs go to health fairs? Do they take their kids anywhere near the state police? I dont' think so.

The bicycle obstacle course seemed fun, although, again, too old for my child. And no way was she going anywhere near a fire drill.

It wasn't the best time we've had. And I didn't feel like we learned anything about how to become more active as a family or how to make sure our child gets enough exercise. I mean, I knew there were places we could take karate!

But we did get a lot of free stuff: Two toothbrushes, two packets of peanuts, two cheese sticks - notice a pattern here? They also had lots of free water, which was really smart, especially since they apparently built this stadium without waterfountains.

Final verdict: For us, the best part was people watching and the wonderful weather. We'd also never seen the city's new stadium, so that was interesting. But overall, we wished we'd gone for a hike at a park.

This event offered little for families with young children or teens. It was designed almost exclusviely for the elementary age bracket.

Hopefully, in the future or perhaps at other locations, the Y will find ways to involve children of all ages. It'd also be nice if it were more family-oriented. Let's face it: In cities, which is where the Y tends to operate, children aren't going to be out and exercising if their parents are inside on the couch.

Quick Tip For Monday: April Fools Tricks for Families

Despite the success of Punked and other prank-playing shows, it seems to me practical jokes are getting rarer by the year. I can't remember the last time someone I know pulled a really funny, decent prank on someone.

Yesterday was April Fool's Day. I always forget until the next day, but this year, I decided to do better. So I wrapped a rubber band around the sprayer on the kitchen sink. The idea was my husband would get a glass of water and the sprayer would turn on, dousing him.

Great idea - except I was up hours before my hubby and I managed to drench myself three times before he finally woke up. Patiently, I waited. He showered, got dressed for church and I had forgotten what I'd done until I finally hear him tell the dog, "Are you out of water? I'll get you water!" in his usual marytr tone.

Splash! From the kitchen, I heard, "Hey!" and I lost it.

He admitted it was a good prank, but added wistfully, "If that's how you want our relationship to be."

And there's the rub. If you pull a prank, you'd better watch your back and prepare to laugh it off when your victim seeks revenge.

Pranks are a great way to build family bonds. While you should be careful when you pick your victim - stodgy, angry Uncle Dude probably isn't your best first choice - there's no reason why you shouldn't introduce a bit of humor into your family life. Just make sure your prank is fun, innocent and done in good spirits - and that the 'victim' can laugh at his or herself.

Family Fun offers a list of pranks, including a slew of food pranks to play on the kids. Okay, it's not April 1 - but a day late makes the prank all the more surprising, doesn't it?

Oh, for you Internet fans, Google got me with this one, though I protest it's only because I hadn't had my coffee.

Y We'll Be at Healthy Kids Day Celebration

There's a lot to do this weekend. Catching up on this blog could take me the better part of Saturday AND Sunday.

But, of course, there's really no 'catching up' with blogs.

So, instead, I plan to spend Saturday cleaning, but on Sunday, we're headed downtown for the YMCA Healthy Kids Day celebration.

Officially, YMCA Healthy Kids Day is April 14, but for some reason, our YMCA is holding it early - so I'll be able to give you a sneak preview of what to expect.

Locally, the agenda includes healthy snacks, dance and maritial arts demonstrations - hopefully, the children will be able to participate as well, inflatables and a short run. Local athletes are also schedule to appear.

I must say, this meets all of my criteria for a family event: It's active, educational, fun, and, not only is the event free, there's free food!

Plus, it meets my goal of getting us off the couch and moving!

We'll try it and report back on Monday!

Raising a Heart-Healthy Child

While researching heart disease for a client, I stumbled across a great resource for families from the American Heart Association. This page for parents offers great tips for improving your child's health, from steps you can take to get your child moving - even your non-athlete - to tips for healthy fast food meals.

I particularly like the tips on dealing with a picky eater. My first step will be to reclaim our dinner table as a dinner table. Right now, it's where we do all our coloring, painting and computer work. (Ick!)

If your child does have a heart condition, be sure to check out the Disease, Conditions and Treatment page, which includes a nice section called "Ask the Pediatric Cardiologist."

While you're there, you might as well read up on what you can do to protect yourself and your SO from heart disease. Here's a few tips, though, in case you're too busy to peruse the site:

• Stop smoking and don't hang around smokers
• Eat low-fat dairy
• Avoid saturated fats
• The new recommendations for exercise: 60-90 minutes on most days if you're overweight!
• Lose weight

Family Backyard

Lately I've been reading about how to make your backyard into a lush, child-friendly garden.

Right now, when I look at my window, I see a metal shed that's falling down, a stark, uneven yard, a big metal swingset and my neighbor's garage. Ick.

I grew up in the country and spent about half my childhood talking to trees and cows, and making little flower sacrifices to the creek. My family grew vegetables and my grandmother had a whole green hand that she used to grow anything and everything green.

I can grow vegetables. And I could grow tobacco. Otherwise, I'm useless when it comes to gardening. So, I'm not sure where to begin when it comes to create a beautiful backyard that will give my child a place to play, a place to hide and the sort of wild freedom I had growing up - all within the confines of an fenced 50-feet by 50-feet backyard, (roughly).

So far, my favorite book is Home Landscaping Southeast Region, because it gives me various garden designs in two versions - shade and sunny - and tells me what will live in my area. I actually recognize some of the plant names. It's full of gardens that will provide a rich, very treed-look to a backyard.

I also like A Child's Garden: Enchanting Outdoor Spaces for Children and Parents. While I couldn't reproduce what's in this book - many of the gardens are large, public spaces with lots of space and money - it does give me plenty of ideas about how to make gardens more fun. It also has inspired me to try to put in a pond.

As for online resourches, Better Homes and Gardens offers lots of great stuff, and it's mostly free, including a Family Backyard plan I found that I'm using as a loose model for what I do in my backyard.

Here's what I plan to include in my backyard:

* A wooden fence (currently, it's chain link)
* A sandbox - preferably sunken into the ground with a cover.
* Lots of small trees and bushes
* Some hiding spots for children - perhaps amidst the bushes or under some small trellises with bean vines. A weeping mulberry tree for hiding.
* A pond. And eventually, a waterfall. I actually found plans for creating your own creek! I'd love to do this - and the plans are based on a yard about my size - but my yard's flat and I'm thinking it wouldn't work too well.
* Lots of decorative grasses
* A few fruit trees (already have a peach tree, although I may have killed it)
* Place for growing vegetables.
* Lots of cute little garden decorations that kids would like, such as a flower whose petals spin, a yard gnome and colorful butterflies.
* Perhaps a compost area.
* A better shed - perhaps something very cottage-looking
* Eventually, a playhouse made of wood.

We have a huge deck for sitting already, so I feel like the adult part is pretty well taken care of.

It's a lot for a small yard. But I think it's doable. It'll just be very...busy. I don't know. I'm going to start planting and digging and see what happens. I can always cut things down.

When Last We Spoke: Goals for the 2007

Before this year began, I identified six New Year's goals for myself and my family. Wonder how I'm doing on those goals?

Well. May I speak frankly?

Not so well. The truth is, I've been very depressed the past few months. I believe this is leftover emotions from the miscarriage. But, finally, I'm feeling better. And I'm much more interested in doing things and living life again. So, I'm not beating myself up for just now getting to my goals. And I hope you won't either.

Now, back to the goals:
My first goal was simple: Show the Love.

I believe I've made progress on this. I cook more for my family. I give more spontaneous hugs. I never pass up a chance to rock my Little Bit - I know the days of that are numbered and I don't want to miss any opportunity. In the afternoons, we often rock and read five or six books at a sitting. It's fabulous. I believe my attitude has shifted and our family atmosphere is more congenial and pleasant. Though I do wish I had an extra bucket of patience for my four-year-old's boundary testing. Sometimes, her attitude makes us all a bit grouchy. Perhaps I should explain that to her?

Goal two: Build Family Identity. What I meant by this was to do chores, family dinner and other tasks together as a family. I also included doing activities that would reflect the values we wanted to instill in our child.

This is where I've really dropped the ball. While my hubby and I often eat together, we don't make our daughter sit down with us because I haven't paid attention to her snack times and she's snacked so much she's full. I also haven't enforced cleaning up together well.

As for volunteering, well, that fell of the face of the earth. It's really hard to find a way to volunteer with a preschooler. And I haven't had the energy. I still do want to send some of her old toys overseas, but we haven't had a chance to go through them. That sounds like a good plan for this week.

Goal Three: Become a Healthy Family. Wow. Have we totally neglected this. As a result, my husband and I are heavier and Little Bit isn't getting the exercise she needs. We are, however, being more diligent about sleep. Now that spring's surfacing, I hope we'll make a quick recovery here!

Goal Four: Widen Our Family Circle. We've been discussing them. I am trying to cultivate a few friendships more, but really, there hasn't been the energy or the wellness, (cold & flu season makes everyone stay in more). We still do our Thursday night dinners, though.

Goal Five: Be a Financially Responsible Family. This is where I've really done the work. We're on a budget using the old fashioned envelope system for things where we tend to overspend - dining out, auto fuel, (because we tack on snacks at the station), and entertainment. We're also saving more and cutting back on unfulfilling expenses. Part of this goal was to write a will. I'm pleased to report we've found an attorney to do our will - now we just need to get our tax refund so we can pay for it!

And the last goal: Create a Family-Friendly Home. We're trying some experiments here. Nothing major - just moving things around, putting toys in places where the family hangs out, moving the TV downstairs so it isn't the center of our life. I'm working on a backyard garden that will be a great place for my child to play. So, progress.

I'd love ideas for how I can achieve these goals.

Update

Wow. I haven't posted in forever. Sorry about that. Twas the season for sickness and general blahs where I live.

This weekend, my family celebrated the return of the sun by gardening Saturday and hitting the road on Sunday. Our destination? Dinosaur World!

Using nothing but my wits, a printer and an Internet connection, I discovered a coupon on their site for free children's gift with a purchased children's ticket. So, with the touch of a button and the whirl of a printer cartridge, I turned into SuperMom, Finder of Free Dinosaur!

Dinosaur World, for those of you who might have missed this wonder, is a place with big plaster of Paris, (or some such durable substance), Dinosaurs. There is no effort to do real sizes, though there did seem to be some ratio of size among the dinosaur statutes, i.e., the little dinosaurs were smaller than the bigger dinosaurs and it could've been proportionate. But who knows? Who cares? This is roadside kitsch with a twist of education. And my Little Bit thought it was better than a Peanut Butter sandwich.

And here's the moral of the story: In your Big Dreams for your family - trip to Disney, visit Europe, pay for college - it's easy to overlook the little, nearby, cheap joys your children will love and remember years from now. It may look like old, badly painted crap to you, but it's a wonder world to them. And if it's Dinosaur World, it has just enough scare to really thrill a preschooler.

Prayer after Miscarriage or Stillbirth

Today, my baby would have been due. By now, I'd be holding a brand new baby boy and everything would be wonderfully different.

But I had a miscarriage during the second trimester. The grief is no longer new, but today, I remember. And I urge you to realize that there are many, many women who hide the pain of miscarriage inside. You don't even know how many until you've had one.

While we held our babies in our hearts and womb, we never held them in our arms. The prayer of the week is for the families one person short because their baby died before or at birth.

Prayer After Miscarriage or Stillbirth
By Sandy Eisenberg Sasso

God, we are weary and grieved. We were anticipating the birth of a child, but the promise of life was ended too soon. Our arms yearned to cradle new life, our mouths to sing soft lullabies. Our hearts ache from the emptiness and the silence. We are saddened and we are angry. We weep and we mourn. Weep with us, God, Creator of Life, for the life that could not be.

Source of healing, help us to find healing among those who care for us and those for whom we care. Shelter us under wings of love and help us to stand up again for life even as we mourn our loss.

Letters from Anne Frank's Father Found

The YIVO Institute for Jewish Research will release letters by Otto Frank detailing how he tried to get his family - including young daughter Anne Frank - out of Nazi-occupied Holland on Feb. 14 - appropriately enough, Valentine's days. The letters were found last year as part of a collection of other records from agencies that helped people emmigrate from Europe.

The letters show Otto Frank tried to emigrate from Holland to the U.S. or Cuba, via Paris or Spain.

The YIVO Institute, which is based in New York, found the letters among 100,000 other Holocaust-related documents 18 months ago.

Anne Frank, of course, is the young woman who wrote Anne Frank's Diary, an account of her family's attempts to evade Nazi capture by hiding for two years in an attic.

It's a sad reminder of how the world failed so many families during the Holocaust.

Restless Thoughts

Recently, I've been thinking that maybe, just maybe, security isn't the end all and be all of family life.

Right now, our life is secure. We live near family, Hubby's job is very secure, with a good retirement, decent salary and our town is very safe. We have friends that we see frequently and we attend a nice church, which my Little Bit likes very much.

For four years, Hubby and I lived in Oklahoma City, and it was hard. He was enlisted in the military - a reliable job, but not a good job. I couldn't find work for nearly a year. The first year, we had a crappy, flea infested apartment with a drug dealer for a neighbor. Our nearest friends and family were at least a seven hour drive away. Eventually, we did make a few friends, I found a job and we moved to a better apartment. But for two of our four years, it was hell.

When we returned, we were grateful to be in a city that offered something other than rodeo and where we knew more than five people. So, we immediately began putting down roots. Then Little Bit came into the picture and it seemed we'd settled for life.

But life has a funny way of throwing you curve balls and lately, we've been thinking maybe we've settled too soon. We're wondering if we should pull up and travel a bit, while Little Bit is still small enough to just need us.

We can't really afford to just take off for New Zealand or Italy for three months. So, Hubby would probably find a job - possibly on contract - and then we'd move somewhere and live there for a year or two before heading home.

Of course, people do this for their careers. But as itt turns out, some families do choose this lifestyle just so they can see and experience the world. In "Living Abroad with Children: It’s Easier Than You Think," one family shares their experience with relocating from Indiana to Dubai.

But I've had a bad experience. And I'm not alone: One couple I know spent a year in Germany and made no friends the entire year. They had a child and were very lonely.

So before we went overseas, I'd want to try another U.S. city first - just to make sure we could make it on our own.

It's a tempting proposition. In exchange for security, safety and seeing grandparents every week, I could give my daughter a bigger world, possibly a new language and a unique experience that would impact her - and me - all of her life. Plus, Hubby and I could realize a long suppressed dream of traveling and living in other places.

Ultimately, I think it could be a very positive, bonding experience for the three of us. The question is: Would we ever be able to truly come home again?

Book Review: Chores Without Wars

I admit it. In previous posts, I may not have been fair to this book.

I'm not repenting of my previous comments, mind you. It does drive me crazy when parenting books suggest you turn into the parenting of the Stepord Wives.

But, nonetheless, I hadn't finished the book. And as it turned out, there's a lot of redeemable information if you can ignore the overly-pristine examples and press through the first 37 pages.

What's truly fabulous about this book is it addresses one of the most oppressive aspects of being a parent, but especially a mother: The feeling that you're ultimately responsible for everything.

And I've seen this worsen as the family grows: My friends have to harass their children to finish chores, homework and basically act as the administrative assistant for the whole family.

Micro-managing people will create stress, nagging and resentment on all sides. Plus, we're not raising our children to be functioning adults when we manage their lives, are we?

Chores Without Wars authors Lynn Lott and Riki Intner offer the only possible solution for this dilemma: Stop. Absolutely stop.

Of course, you tell them you're going to stop first. And here's the smart part - you offer to help train them, help them come up with solutions - but you don't force solutions on them. But you do stop doing it for them.

Lott and Intner offer you alternative tools for helping your family become functioning, autonomous adults. The tools are:

• Family Meetings
• Training
• Joint Problem Solving
• Family Routines

As I read on, I saw how their approach would free you by allowing you to detach emotionally from the issue. After all, it isn't your problem or your job as a parent to make sure children do what they've promised. It's your job to help them, to teach them, but it's not your job to do it.

Instead of the family secretary, you become the coach. You set up routines that will help the family train and learn to succeed. You bring up problems that the family needs to solve. You formulate the game plan - but you let them do the work and play the game. Brilliant!

Besides chores, the book discusses three other major issues for families today:
Allowances. The authors do not want you to use allowances as a reward for chores. Instead, they see allowances as a way to train children to manage money responsibly.
Blended families. It discusses how you can use the methods to integrate stepchildren and grandparents into your household.
Dealing with grown children who move back or refuse to leave.

So who should read this book? I'd recommend this book if you feel like:

• No one does anything around the house except you.
• A nag or b**ch around your family.
• Your stepchildren aren't helping out or your spouse expects them to do too much.
• Your mother, who just moved in, expects everyone to live their lives around her needs.
• Your teen refuses to help or take any responsibility.
• Your school-age child isn't expected to do any chores.
  
• Your children don't understand the value of a dollar.
• Your 24-year-old lives in your basement and won't get a real job.
  

Family | Books | Family Routines | Chores

Sickness

Sorry for the lag in posts. Mia famiglia has been sick. And so have I. Actually, mostly, it's just been me and Hubby sick. Little Bit seems to have supper teflon genes that keep her well. God bless her.

Cheap, Delicious, Easy Family Dinner Idea

Generally, I try to plan my meals down to the last vegetable. I need a recipe, ingredient list and plan for every dinner. Otherwise, I just have no idea what to do with food.

Google has changed that. Now, I can buy a meat with high hopes of finding an easy, online recipe, preferably one that can be made in a crockpot. So, a few weeks ago, as an act of faith, I bought a bunch of chicken wings weeks ago and stored them in the freezer.

We've been sick, so groceries were low. Time to use the chicken wings. I found a recipe for Mediterrean Chicken on the Flylady site. There are lots of great, easy, slowcooker recipe, but I had the stuff for this one.

Basically, you throw the chicken wings,(you should probably rinse them off first), in the crockpot, put a can of tomatoes - I used diced - and a can of black olives, (I had whole ones leftover from Christmas and used these), on top and cook on high for five hours. If you leave for work in the morning, you could do low for all day.

I sprinkled in some pepper, thyme and oregano. When it was done, we added noodles and topped it with grated Parmesan cheese. It was fantastic!

You could do all sorts of variations. You could brown the meat first. You could use rice. You could use a different cheese, skip the olives or use green peppers instead. I suppose you could spunk it up with crushed red peppers or green chilies.

My daughter just ate the noodles - she does that. Starch at one meal, meat at a different meal. But Hubby and I loved it, plus it made enough for us to have seconds and him to have it for lunch. If you're looking for new, easy meal ideas, we recommend it.

Family | Easy Meals | Family Dinners

Scheduling Chores

I'm reading Chores without Wars: Turning Housework into Teamwork for this week's book. I'll give a more thorough review on Thursday, but this book, along with my revelation that my family needs routines, inspired me to pick one problem that could be solved with a family routine.

I decided that dinner would be our starting point. Why this? Because, this is an area where everyone can help - even the three-year-old - and it's very clear what needs to be done. It can take one person half an hour to cook, then another half hour to clean up. If everyone pitches in, the cleanup can take a mere 5-10 minutes and prep time for cooking is cut down, too.

So basically, I called everyone up when the main entree was ready and said, "Okay, dinner time. But first we need to set the table, put out a salad and get drinks. Little Bit, what can you do?"

Little Bit loves to be included and she loves to do "big" stuff - although once she knows she can do it and it's her job, she tends to drag her heels. This was new, so she volunteered to sit the table. Hubby got the salad together and we all put out the condiments and drink.

We were no more than half way through the meal when I announced everyone would need to sit until we were all finish and then help with cleanup. Hubby and I had tea while Little Bit finished. For clean-up, I'd made a list and hung it on the fridge. Little Bit offered to wipe down the table - a job she's done to great applaud in the past. Hubby and I worked off the list. It felt great to work together and the kitchen is clean. I used the free time to clean up a bit more in another room and tomorrow, I'll be able to spend my cleaning time outside the kitchen for a change!

I've joked about parts of the book recently, but I must say, some of the recommendations are working for me. I also agree about the need for family routines. And I definitely intend to spend the rest of the month developing this new routine into a family habit!

Family | Chores | Family Dinners