I was vegan once. For about six months, I was the worst vegan you can imagine. Mostly that time consisted of me making odd dishes, dumping them in the trash because they were inedible, and then eating a bucket of Soy Delicious ice cream. Like I said, I was the worst vegan. My husband managed to last for a year, but I quickly returned to dairy and my vegetarian ways. The problem was, I gained weight as a vegetarian. I bounced up about 15 pounds during this time.
This was before we had kids. Once we had kids, I managed to keep the child and myself vegetarian for about six months. She ate a lot of baked tofu. But then my parents' constant worrying and a dietician who told me I was eating too many carbs convinced me to go back to meat. I was always hungry as a vegetarian. You're supposed to get sick and stuff after returning to meat, but I relished that first steak like a dog with a bone and never looked back.
Until this year. Eating meat was supposed to help me avoid diabetes by allowing me to eat protein that doesn't come pre-packaged with carbs, and thus not be hungry all the time. And it did, but I still ballooned up to over 100 pounds my ideal weight. And guess what? I became diabetic. Not only was I diabetic, but I also had high blood pressure and high cholesterol -- all of which increased my risk for heart disease (which killed my two grandfathers) and cancer (my mother had recently been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer). All of this prompted me to re-examine my diet and why I can't seem to stop with the sugar and all the refined crap that is soooo carb-loaded. I started to rethink my diet (again), and wonder how I could control the cravings and stop the cycle of weight gain. For six months, thanks to Weight Watchers. I managed to stop the gain and even lose 10 pounds - but over vacation, I regained five. The bottom line is I was consuming too much junk food, too much alcohol, and just not able to stick to my eating plans. Weight Watchers likes to say it isn't a diet, it's a lifestyle change, but the truth was, I hadn't changed my lifestyle. Not really. I'd change it for a week and then slip into my old ways. I'd log my food faithfully for four days, then forget for seven days. What I needed, I realized, was a wholesale, for-real lifestyle change.
So I started to think about switching from a "control the portion of bad things" mindset to a for-real lifestyle change. I knew from the past I did better with absolute rules. After all, I had managed to stay vegan for six months and then vegetarian for three years. So I started to think about a clean approach that would eliminate alcohol, sweets and refined foods. I also remembered a friend, who successfully lost weight as a vegetarian, had told me the key to staying full as a vegetarian wasn't necessarily adding protein, but eating waaaay more vegetables than a normal person. She would roast a pan of vegetables and eat them all, she said. That gave me fodder for rethinking my vegetarian experience. I also knew a lot of people who had lost weight being vegetarian, so that gave me fodder for rethinking my weight gain as a vegetarian. I mean, sure, I had gained 10-15 pounds as a vegetarian. But I'd gained 80-some pounds eating meat. So clearly, meat wasn't the solution. In fact, it might be part of the problem.
Meanwhile, my brother and his wife had become vegan. My brother becoming vegan was like The News of the Decade for my family. He was a big eater, and he loved to grill meat. His wife was a vegetarian, however, but I think she was probably an unhealthy vegetarian, like I had been, because she was having a lot of the weight-related health issues. They saw Forks over Knives and switched their diet. Suddenly, they were dropping weight and looked and felt better. They were a walking advertisement for the lifestyle.
But I'm a bit stubborn and was still wallowing in indecision when I heard an odd fact: Cows make friends for life. Now I'd heard a lot of vegan-propaganda (or facts, if you're vegan) in my life about cows and chickens and pigs, but this punched me in the guts. I'd had a calf in my childhood that I used to talk to and pretend we were friends. It wasn't a calf that would allow me to pet it, because it was part of a herd and there were bulls that would've chased me away, but every afternoon, I'd go out and talk to this calf while it was in the field that bordered our house, and this calf would chew it's cud and look at me just as if it understood. To my 10 year old mind, that made the calf my friend. And we had a great friendship until one day, the calf went away — probably to be sold to raise for beef. Well, the idea that I had betrayed a potentially life-long friend just blew my mind. I found my commitment.
I broke the news to my husband, (now a meat-eater himself), as if I were telling him his best friend had died. I wasn't just asking him to be vegan — I was asking him to really clean up our eating in terms of refined foods, sugars and oils. I wanted a low-fat, low-perservatives, low-sugar, vegan lifestyle. He took the news well, which is good because he is the primary cook in our household and I'm not sure I could do it without him. We agreed to finish the food in the house and move to a whole-foods, plant-based, healthy lifestyle. I stopped drinking alcohol and eating meat that day.
Our plan was to eat up what was in the house. My first day, I made a green smoothie with the left-over yogurt in the house. The next day, I replaced the yogurt with the coconut milk. Just having a green smoothie — lots of spinach, frozen fruit and a little liquid — made me feel better. I don't know if that's all the spinach or if it's psychological, and I don't care. The second day, I bought vegan bean burgers from the freezer section of my grocery, and that became my go-to food until I could figure out the rest. I also brought some whole wheat bread my brother recommended (no sugar, no milk). The third day, I made a rice bowl, which was all vegetarian except I used chicken broth to make the rice. That day, I also updated our meal plans for the week with recipes from Forks Over Knives website. I borrowed FOK recipe books from the library, and bought a FOK magazine I found a local health food store. Everyday, I'm buying a few more new grocery items (fresh fruit, clean freezer foods, whole foods that are naturally sweet such as dates, and vegan staples such as nutritional yeast), cooking something vegan, and adding recipes. Instead of drinking, I read, go for a walk, or -- in the case of last night -- go to bed super early so I'm rested enough to maintain my willpower.
Since I'm diabetic, I also invested in a book on how going vegan can affect diabetes. I was pleased to see the book didn't say I needed to watch the carb count. It provides the science behind a whole-grains, plant-based lifestyle. I know some of these diet books can cherry-pick research, but the truth is, I wasn't doing a great job watching my carbs before this. I want to see if the diet will work without carb counting. I haven't noticed any obvious effects -- no sugar crashes so far that I can tell. If my bloodwork doesn't improve, then I'll add carb counting and revisit. I'm due for my six month checkup, but because I've started this new diet, I plan to wait six weeks. That won't be enough to measure the full results on an A1C, which tests three months, but it should show improvements since that's a month and a half.
Why share all of this? Mostly I thought it'd be interesting to document this change for myself and see if I do, in fact, feel more energetic and better. I'm curious about how this will affect my bloodwork, particularly my A1C (blood sugar). Plus, everybody shares success stories after the fact and then you wonder about what happened to get them from point A to B. So maybe I'll help someone by sharing my journey. I definitely feel positive about this change. I've done a lot of dieting, but down deep, I've always thought this was the best way to eat. I just didn't want to make the sacrifice. For all the reasons I've shared, it feels like I've run out of time to mess around: It's time to get real.
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Sunday, July 22, 2018
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Carnival of Family Life Posts
The Carnival of Family Life posted at All Rileyed Up. Looks like there are tons of good Christmas craft ideas. Gifts for Grandma, anyone?
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Defining Family: When to Subtract
When I started this blog, one of the topics I wanted to explore - and I listed it right in the masthead (see, above this post) - was what it means to be a family. And I think a big part of that is defining family.
I'd never looked up the definition for family before because I thought I knew it. It turns out, I was surprised by how limiting the first entries or so are. I'm posting the first seven, because the rest don't apply, since they move in the idea of larger, official families (the family of Romantics, for instance). Dictionary.com defines family as:
I now see that's just a huge definition - no wonder 'family' makes me anxious! The family I carry around in my head is just too darn huge to feel like family.
You'll note the first three definitions are much smaller, essentially composed of the traditional, nuclear family: A parent and offspring.
Why all this defining of family?
Honestly, I'm pondering whether there are situations - things that happen, circumstances - that make it ridiculously to extend to someone the consideration of family.
In short: Can you kick people out of your family? Can you cut out the dysfunctional and limit who you consider your family to the point of creating a functional group?
If my extended family is so negative as to make me miserable, can I just delete them from my definition of family?
Obviously, in some ways, no. Family is family, and if there's a blood tie, there's not a lot you can do about it. You'll still all be invited to the same funerals, the same weddings, the same 'parties.' You can't control that.
But you can control how you relate to that person and whether or not you accept them as family - whether you continue to 'try' to be a part of their lives, their family.
And if you can delete people - if you can redefine family - then where is it fair to draw the line? I know people who've cut off their family over what seem to me to be nothing. But increasingly, as I move toward a healthier place for myself - I'm seeing that sometimes it's not about what people do so much as how they make you feel. Maybe these families didn't 'do' much to the outsider, but their words and actions, over time, have amounted to an ongoing psychological beating. And who wants to endure that all the time?
I was talking about how a friend might benefit from therapy to deal with some of her family issues. Her father's dead and she said, basically, that every one's parents hurt them - including her father's parents - and you shouldn't hold it against them since they were acting from a place of hurt. I pointed out that this didn't change the fact you'd been damaged and could get help recovering from that. It doesn't have to be about blame.
On the other hand, it occurs to me that it's much easier to 'get over' the pain when the family member is dead. We assume it's because their death gives us perspective, but even now, I understand my dad won't live forever. When your relative dies, they stop inflicting injuries, and you can heal. But while they're alive, they're still causing hurting you - and how can you get over it when just yesterday, your father put you down in the exact same way he did when you were 10? Or when you see him making fun of someone else the same way he did you?
Maybe when I'm healthy and strong, I'll be able to. But I'm not there yet, and I don't think anyone just 'gets there' without reconciling and recovering from the past.
Fortunately, my friend and I were just talking about psychological wounds - not being 'good enough' and being made fun of for our accomplishments. Thankfully, neither of us had to deal with physical or sexual abuse.
So, is it fair, then, to restrict your family interactions while you heal? I think it is.
But I also think maybe some things you can't overlook - physical/sexual abuse, for instance. For me, physical danger and excessive, deliberate psychological abuse all are grounds for being subtracted from family.
Family | Family Problems | Abuse
I'd never looked up the definition for family before because I thought I knew it. It turns out, I was surprised by how limiting the first entries or so are. I'm posting the first seven, because the rest don't apply, since they move in the idea of larger, official families (the family of Romantics, for instance). Dictionary.com defines family as:
- parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not.
- the children of one person or one couple collectively: We want a large family.
- the spouse and children of one person: We're taking the family on vacation next week.
- any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins: to marry into a socially prominent family.
- all those persons considered as descendants of a common progenitor.
- Chiefly British. approved lineage, esp. noble, titled, famous, or wealthy ancestry: young men of family.
- a group of persons who form a household under one head, including parents, children, and servants.
I now see that's just a huge definition - no wonder 'family' makes me anxious! The family I carry around in my head is just too darn huge to feel like family.
You'll note the first three definitions are much smaller, essentially composed of the traditional, nuclear family: A parent and offspring.
Why all this defining of family?
Honestly, I'm pondering whether there are situations - things that happen, circumstances - that make it ridiculously to extend to someone the consideration of family.
In short: Can you kick people out of your family? Can you cut out the dysfunctional and limit who you consider your family to the point of creating a functional group?
If my extended family is so negative as to make me miserable, can I just delete them from my definition of family?
Obviously, in some ways, no. Family is family, and if there's a blood tie, there's not a lot you can do about it. You'll still all be invited to the same funerals, the same weddings, the same 'parties.' You can't control that.
But you can control how you relate to that person and whether or not you accept them as family - whether you continue to 'try' to be a part of their lives, their family.
And if you can delete people - if you can redefine family - then where is it fair to draw the line? I know people who've cut off their family over what seem to me to be nothing. But increasingly, as I move toward a healthier place for myself - I'm seeing that sometimes it's not about what people do so much as how they make you feel. Maybe these families didn't 'do' much to the outsider, but their words and actions, over time, have amounted to an ongoing psychological beating. And who wants to endure that all the time?
I was talking about how a friend might benefit from therapy to deal with some of her family issues. Her father's dead and she said, basically, that every one's parents hurt them - including her father's parents - and you shouldn't hold it against them since they were acting from a place of hurt. I pointed out that this didn't change the fact you'd been damaged and could get help recovering from that. It doesn't have to be about blame.
On the other hand, it occurs to me that it's much easier to 'get over' the pain when the family member is dead. We assume it's because their death gives us perspective, but even now, I understand my dad won't live forever. When your relative dies, they stop inflicting injuries, and you can heal. But while they're alive, they're still causing hurting you - and how can you get over it when just yesterday, your father put you down in the exact same way he did when you were 10? Or when you see him making fun of someone else the same way he did you?
Maybe when I'm healthy and strong, I'll be able to. But I'm not there yet, and I don't think anyone just 'gets there' without reconciling and recovering from the past.
Fortunately, my friend and I were just talking about psychological wounds - not being 'good enough' and being made fun of for our accomplishments. Thankfully, neither of us had to deal with physical or sexual abuse.
So, is it fair, then, to restrict your family interactions while you heal? I think it is.
But I also think maybe some things you can't overlook - physical/sexual abuse, for instance. For me, physical danger and excessive, deliberate psychological abuse all are grounds for being subtracted from family.
Family | Family Problems | Abuse
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Giving Everyone a Say in the Family Vacation
Here's a good idea from the blog of Doug Boude (Rhymes with Loud): Involve your children in planning the family vacation.
His family recently went to the beach in an effort to promote family unity. While there are always some things the parents need to decide - such as how much to spend and perhaps where to go - it helps to involve the children in decision-making as much as possible.
Doug went a long way toward promoting family harmony during the vacation by having a pre-vacation family meeting. This achieved two ends:
We're going on vacation soon, and I'm definitely giving the pre-vacation family meeting a try.
His family recently went to the beach in an effort to promote family unity. While there are always some things the parents need to decide - such as how much to spend and perhaps where to go - it helps to involve the children in decision-making as much as possible.
Doug went a long way toward promoting family harmony during the vacation by having a pre-vacation family meeting. This achieved two ends:
- It gave the children a chance to reach a decision about some things before they pulled out of the drive.
- It gave the parents a chance to outline the trip rules.
We're going on vacation soon, and I'm definitely giving the pre-vacation family meeting a try.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Monday Quick Tip: Judging Movies
Ever wonder if a movie is really appropriate for your child?
I mean, every child differs. You can't really say that what one five-year-old loves won't scare your five-year-old into week-long nightmares. And movie ratings are so general, they're useless, particularly since nothing gets a G rating anymore. Almost everything is filed under the ubiquitious PG or PG-13.
Personally, I need a lot more information before I decide whether a film is okay for my child. And I hate those conservative sites that just issue blanket commands about what's good for kids and what's not. Personally, I don't mind my child watching Bugs Bunny. But a lot of fundamentalist and peaceniks do.
Here's what I do: I check out the movie on Kids-In-Mind. It's tag is "Movie Ratings that Actually Work." What I love about this site is that it lists exactly what it means when it says there's cartoon violence or crude language. I mean, down to the actual lines and scenes. It's great.
Thanks to Kids-In-Mind, I can screen for what I think is appropriate, not what some unknown critic with a child-raising agenda thinks is okay.
I mean, every child differs. You can't really say that what one five-year-old loves won't scare your five-year-old into week-long nightmares. And movie ratings are so general, they're useless, particularly since nothing gets a G rating anymore. Almost everything is filed under the ubiquitious PG or PG-13.
Personally, I need a lot more information before I decide whether a film is okay for my child. And I hate those conservative sites that just issue blanket commands about what's good for kids and what's not. Personally, I don't mind my child watching Bugs Bunny. But a lot of fundamentalist and peaceniks do.
Here's what I do: I check out the movie on Kids-In-Mind. It's tag is "Movie Ratings that Actually Work." What I love about this site is that it lists exactly what it means when it says there's cartoon violence or crude language. I mean, down to the actual lines and scenes. It's great.
Thanks to Kids-In-Mind, I can screen for what I think is appropriate, not what some unknown critic with a child-raising agenda thinks is okay.
Monday, March 12, 2007
When Last We Spoke: Goals for the 2007
Before this year began, I identified six New Year's goals for myself and my family. Wonder how I'm doing on those goals?
Well. May I speak frankly?
Not so well. The truth is, I've been very depressed the past few months. I believe this is leftover emotions from the miscarriage. But, finally, I'm feeling better. And I'm much more interested in doing things and living life again. So, I'm not beating myself up for just now getting to my goals. And I hope you won't either.
Now, back to the goals:
My first goal was simple: Show the Love.
I believe I've made progress on this. I cook more for my family. I give more spontaneous hugs. I never pass up a chance to rock my Little Bit - I know the days of that are numbered and I don't want to miss any opportunity. In the afternoons, we often rock and read five or six books at a sitting. It's fabulous. I believe my attitude has shifted and our family atmosphere is more congenial and pleasant. Though I do wish I had an extra bucket of patience for my four-year-old's boundary testing. Sometimes, her attitude makes us all a bit grouchy. Perhaps I should explain that to her?
Goal two: Build Family Identity. What I meant by this was to do chores, family dinner and other tasks together as a family. I also included doing activities that would reflect the values we wanted to instill in our child.
This is where I've really dropped the ball. While my hubby and I often eat together, we don't make our daughter sit down with us because I haven't paid attention to her snack times and she's snacked so much she's full. I also haven't enforced cleaning up together well.
As for volunteering, well, that fell of the face of the earth. It's really hard to find a way to volunteer with a preschooler. And I haven't had the energy. I still do want to send some of her old toys overseas, but we haven't had a chance to go through them. That sounds like a good plan for this week.
Goal Three: Become a Healthy Family. Wow. Have we totally neglected this. As a result, my husband and I are heavier and Little Bit isn't getting the exercise she needs. We are, however, being more diligent about sleep. Now that spring's surfacing, I hope we'll make a quick recovery here!
Goal Four: Widen Our Family Circle. We've been discussing them. I am trying to cultivate a few friendships more, but really, there hasn't been the energy or the wellness, (cold & flu season makes everyone stay in more). We still do our Thursday night dinners, though.
Goal Five: Be a Financially Responsible Family. This is where I've really done the work. We're on a budget using the old fashioned envelope system for things where we tend to overspend - dining out, auto fuel, (because we tack on snacks at the station), and entertainment. We're also saving more and cutting back on unfulfilling expenses. Part of this goal was to write a will. I'm pleased to report we've found an attorney to do our will - now we just need to get our tax refund so we can pay for it!
And the last goal: Create a Family-Friendly Home. We're trying some experiments here. Nothing major - just moving things around, putting toys in places where the family hangs out, moving the TV downstairs so it isn't the center of our life. I'm working on a backyard garden that will be a great place for my child to play. So, progress.
I'd love ideas for how I can achieve these goals.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
More from the Chore Without Wars Book
And the laugh riot continues...Chores without Wars offers a list of jobs by age. According to this, among the tasks your two and three year olds should be able to do:
Here's a list that seems more appropriate to me.
Family | Chores | Housecleaning
- Empty waste baskets (great - my little thumbsucker, emptying the bathroom waste. Lovely thought)
- Help clear the table (yeah, if you want everything broken and spilt!)
- Scrub the sink and tub (??? Really. Because I want a two-year-old handling noxious chemicals.)
Here's a list that seems more appropriate to me.
Family | Chores | Housecleaning
Friday, January 05, 2007
The Pope on Family
Sunday, the Pope spoke about families and what he sees as the biggest threat to the family unit: Cultural pressure.
I'm not sure he and I would agree on what cultural pressures are dangerous, but I agree in principle that modern culture is chipping away at the family unit. For me, the contemporary hazards faced by the family are materialism, overdemanding work schedules, and the pressures to do and have it all, which leads to overscheduled children and parents. It also seems to be that parents are having to work harder just to hold ground. Who has time for family anymore?
Of course, the Pope defines family a bit differently than I do, so he sees threats where I do not.
Family
I'm not sure he and I would agree on what cultural pressures are dangerous, but I agree in principle that modern culture is chipping away at the family unit. For me, the contemporary hazards faced by the family are materialism, overdemanding work schedules, and the pressures to do and have it all, which leads to overscheduled children and parents. It also seems to be that parents are having to work harder just to hold ground. Who has time for family anymore?
Of course, the Pope defines family a bit differently than I do, so he sees threats where I do not.
Family
Sunday, December 31, 2006
My New Year's Resolutions
During December, I talked about setting family goals, and I set five. But after giving it further thought, I realized these goals were actually small things I wanted to do to achieve overarching changes in our family's life.
The whole purpose of creating this blog was to document my efforts and research on building family. In reviewing what I've written so far, I realize I have six goals for my life and my family:
1. Show the Love. I want to show my family how much I love them. Too often, the small acts get lost in the daily grind. For me, showing the love means making family a priority, as well as little acts of love and physical expressions such as hugs and kisses. My family growing up was never much for physical expressions of love, so this is a bit of a challenge for me. Since I work from home, another challenge for me will be more focused and structured about when I work so it doesn't interfere with family time or my sleep. When I'm sleepy, I tend to be grumpy, and that's NOT showing the Love.
2. Build Family Identity. This means doing things together as a family, such as chores and family dinners. It also includes shaping our family identity by taking actions that reflect the values we, as parents, want to give our child. Obviously, the other goals support this goal.
3. Become a Healthy Family. I mentioned taking a family walk once a week as a goal. It's a good one, but my real goal is for us to simply be more active, eat better, sleep more and take care of ourselves. As the mother, I feel I set the pace here, and frankly, I'm not setting a very good one.
4. Widen Our Family Circle. This means inviting friends and family into our home more, finding more family friends and reaching out into the community as a family.
5. Be a Financially Responsible Family. Financial health can be an overwhelming topic, but there are standard guidelines you should follow: Build an emergency fund, eliminate debt, build savings, buy a home, make sure you have a will, make sure you have life insurance for both parents, make sure you have disability insurance, save for retirement, and so on. For our family, we need to rebuild our saving by curtailing eating out and frivolous spending. That means a budget. I also want to make sure we write a will in the next four months.
6. Create a Family-Friendly Home. My house is pretty kid friendly, but there are things I neglect that would make it more comfortable and more functional for the whole family.
So those are my final resolutions for the New Year and an outline for what I'll be discussing on this blog.
Family | Family Resolutions
The whole purpose of creating this blog was to document my efforts and research on building family. In reviewing what I've written so far, I realize I have six goals for my life and my family:
1. Show the Love. I want to show my family how much I love them. Too often, the small acts get lost in the daily grind. For me, showing the love means making family a priority, as well as little acts of love and physical expressions such as hugs and kisses. My family growing up was never much for physical expressions of love, so this is a bit of a challenge for me. Since I work from home, another challenge for me will be more focused and structured about when I work so it doesn't interfere with family time or my sleep. When I'm sleepy, I tend to be grumpy, and that's NOT showing the Love.
2. Build Family Identity. This means doing things together as a family, such as chores and family dinners. It also includes shaping our family identity by taking actions that reflect the values we, as parents, want to give our child. Obviously, the other goals support this goal.
3. Become a Healthy Family. I mentioned taking a family walk once a week as a goal. It's a good one, but my real goal is for us to simply be more active, eat better, sleep more and take care of ourselves. As the mother, I feel I set the pace here, and frankly, I'm not setting a very good one.
4. Widen Our Family Circle. This means inviting friends and family into our home more, finding more family friends and reaching out into the community as a family.
5. Be a Financially Responsible Family. Financial health can be an overwhelming topic, but there are standard guidelines you should follow: Build an emergency fund, eliminate debt, build savings, buy a home, make sure you have a will, make sure you have life insurance for both parents, make sure you have disability insurance, save for retirement, and so on. For our family, we need to rebuild our saving by curtailing eating out and frivolous spending. That means a budget. I also want to make sure we write a will in the next four months.
6. Create a Family-Friendly Home. My house is pretty kid friendly, but there are things I neglect that would make it more comfortable and more functional for the whole family.
So those are my final resolutions for the New Year and an outline for what I'll be discussing on this blog.
Family | Family Resolutions
Feast of the Holy Family Day
I'm not Catholic, but all my friends are. Except for one, who's Jewish. I'm not sure how I wound up with all Catholic friends, particularly when you consider that growing up I knew a grand total of one Catholic, plus my uncle and aunt who had only recently converted and so didn't seem to really count. But that's what happened.
Still, I'd never heard of the Feast of the Holy Family Day, which happens to be the Sunday between the New Year and Christmas. In other words: Today. What do you do on the Feast of the Holy Family Day? Here's what the Manila Bulletin says:
There's a lot more to it, but these were the parts with more universal appeal. I like the idea of having a day after Christmas and before the New Year to focus on the family.
Family | Family Holidays | Religion
Still, I'd never heard of the Feast of the Holy Family Day, which happens to be the Sunday between the New Year and Christmas. In other words: Today. What do you do on the Feast of the Holy Family Day? Here's what the Manila Bulletin says:
Today is a good time to remember our family and pray for our human and spiritual lives. The festivity also gives us time to reflect on the value and sanctity of the family unit. ...As parents, we must be thankful that we are blessed with children. ...The feast also reminds children to obey and respect their parents at all times. It is a good opportunity for us to forgive those who wronged us and ask the forgiveness of those we offended. We must avoid behavior which is contrary to God’s Divine plan for the family. We must also address conditions which have negative effects on the family, like poverty, lack of health care, hunger, and other political and social justice concerns.
There's a lot more to it, but these were the parts with more universal appeal. I like the idea of having a day after Christmas and before the New Year to focus on the family.
Family | Family Holidays | Religion
Friday, December 29, 2006
Caring for Elderly Family Members
The recent death of my husband's grandmother has me thinking about caring for elderly family members. His grandmother had been ill off and on for two years, and most of the care fell to her husband, who, thankfully, is a bit younger and in good health.
He's not alone. A study by the Urban Institute found that people 75 and older provide more hours of caregiving than people in any other age group.
She had two daughters in the area and another daughter that lives away, but teaches and is off summers. She also has a son who lives in another region, but travels a lot with his job. Neither of the two children who live away had been in recently. I suspect late summer was the last time she saw them. Of course, this had been going on for two years, so maybe they thought she'd recover. I'm not sure. It's not my place to judge.
But the situation did make me wonder what role my Hubby and I would play in caring for our parents. My grandmother lived with us for a time after my grandfather's death. Near the end of her life, she lived with my aunt, who had a huge house and could more easily accommodate her. My mother took a leave of absence from her job to be with her during her final month. She also lived nearby and saw her several times a week. Her other children also visited weekly and would spend the day sitting with her. She was never alone. Even before the end, she saw her children regularly.
So that's my model. I know I would do anything to care for my parents - get a bigger house, not work, move in, whatever I can do. But it's easier, of course, when you live nearby. So many families are so spread out and disconnected, I wonder what will happen in these families as their parents die.
My hubby's family is a different matter. He doesn't get along with his stepfather, who never really embraced him as family. Plus, his stepfather has his own son, and I'd assume he'd take care of his father. His mother and he are in touch, but the relationship between our family and her is rocky.
Which makes me wonder what role children should play in their parents care. In cases where the family isn't close - where there have been very real problems, such as abuse, addiction or detachment - should parents count on them to drop their lives and run to help?
Are we as humans obligated to care for family members who didn't care for us when we needed it? And if we don't, who will?
And what about siblings who don't have children? Will I be able to care for my younger brother if he outlives his wife and doesn't have kids? If I don't, then who?
Incredibly, that's what 101-year-old Clarice Morant does. She cares for both her 89-year-old sister and her 95-year-old brother, with limited assistance. Incredibly, there are younger family members - but they live far away and have only stepped in when Morant was hospitalized and too sick to do the job. She recovered and took up the role as lead caretaker.
Most people don't have a Clarice Morant in their lives. And so, many elderly people live alone - apparently without family, such as this woman, who was found strangled after a neighbor missed her.
My friend thinks we are. That's what family does, she says. But I'm not so sure. Yes, in a perfect world, we should forgive one another and love one another and basically be just like Jesus or Mother Theresa or Gandhi. But I'm no saint. And sometimes I like to see karma collect. If my conscious will let me. Something tells me even now that it will not.
I do wonder, though: If this person wanted nothing to do with you while they were of sound mind and body, why do you think they want you rooting around in their life now?
I guess some bridges you just have to cross when you get to them.
Family | Elderly | Extended Family
He's not alone. A study by the Urban Institute found that people 75 and older provide more hours of caregiving than people in any other age group.
She had two daughters in the area and another daughter that lives away, but teaches and is off summers. She also has a son who lives in another region, but travels a lot with his job. Neither of the two children who live away had been in recently. I suspect late summer was the last time she saw them. Of course, this had been going on for two years, so maybe they thought she'd recover. I'm not sure. It's not my place to judge.
But the situation did make me wonder what role my Hubby and I would play in caring for our parents. My grandmother lived with us for a time after my grandfather's death. Near the end of her life, she lived with my aunt, who had a huge house and could more easily accommodate her. My mother took a leave of absence from her job to be with her during her final month. She also lived nearby and saw her several times a week. Her other children also visited weekly and would spend the day sitting with her. She was never alone. Even before the end, she saw her children regularly.
So that's my model. I know I would do anything to care for my parents - get a bigger house, not work, move in, whatever I can do. But it's easier, of course, when you live nearby. So many families are so spread out and disconnected, I wonder what will happen in these families as their parents die.
My hubby's family is a different matter. He doesn't get along with his stepfather, who never really embraced him as family. Plus, his stepfather has his own son, and I'd assume he'd take care of his father. His mother and he are in touch, but the relationship between our family and her is rocky.
Which makes me wonder what role children should play in their parents care. In cases where the family isn't close - where there have been very real problems, such as abuse, addiction or detachment - should parents count on them to drop their lives and run to help?
Are we as humans obligated to care for family members who didn't care for us when we needed it? And if we don't, who will?
And what about siblings who don't have children? Will I be able to care for my younger brother if he outlives his wife and doesn't have kids? If I don't, then who?
Incredibly, that's what 101-year-old Clarice Morant does. She cares for both her 89-year-old sister and her 95-year-old brother, with limited assistance. Incredibly, there are younger family members - but they live far away and have only stepped in when Morant was hospitalized and too sick to do the job. She recovered and took up the role as lead caretaker.
Most people don't have a Clarice Morant in their lives. And so, many elderly people live alone - apparently without family, such as this woman, who was found strangled after a neighbor missed her.
My friend thinks we are. That's what family does, she says. But I'm not so sure. Yes, in a perfect world, we should forgive one another and love one another and basically be just like Jesus or Mother Theresa or Gandhi. But I'm no saint. And sometimes I like to see karma collect. If my conscious will let me. Something tells me even now that it will not.
I do wonder, though: If this person wanted nothing to do with you while they were of sound mind and body, why do you think they want you rooting around in their life now?
I guess some bridges you just have to cross when you get to them.
Family | Elderly | Extended Family
Thursday, December 28, 2006
When a Family Member Dies
Late Wednesday evening, we received word that my husband's grandmother had passed away. She was frail and in ill health - they'd been feeding her via a tube for a week now after she broke the bone under the gum area and couldn't swallow. She was already quite thin and weak, so we weren't expecting much in the way of recovery.
Still, there was no definitive warning. She had just been released from the hospital to a therapy nursing home, where she was supposed to learn how to swallow and walk again. Apparently, she'd just finished a therapy session and returned to bed, where she died without any warning signs.
I fear she died alone, but am unsure. She was something of a mother to my Hubby - she apparently raised him during his preschool years. I'm not sure how to handle this with my Little Bit. We saw her Christmas Day, and Little Bit was afraid of her condition and confused by what was going on. She wanted to know if she'd be all better. I told her maybe - sometimes people did get better. But sometimes, when people got really old and sick, they had to go to God to feel better. And if they did that, we wouldn't be able to see her again.
I don't know if that was a good answer or not. Today, we told her she'd went to God to be better. Little Bit seems to feel this means she'll return. I'm afraid with what we told her after our miscarriage, she's going to be very confused about this whole God/death thing. I want her to feel good about God. I want her to be okay with death - at least until she's old enough to work through it for herself. Some sites I've read suggest not bringing God into it at all, since Little Ones can misunderstand and develop fears about God taking them away. I don't want that.
I guess there isn't a right answer. But I feel like I'm farther away from a good answer than I want to be. Maybe that's because I'm so ambivalent about death and God myself. I wish I felt more certain. I hope she doesn't think I've sold her a bill of goods on God one day. I want her to have more faith than I do, or than her father does. I think it would make life - and death - much easier to take if she did.
Today, I'd planned to report on a book called "New Family Traditions," which presents rituals for the family. There are a lot of good ideas, but I notice there is nothing on dealing with a family member's death. There is a chapter on pets and some ideas for rituals to perform when pets die - but nothing about humans. I find that very odd and, frankly, a disturbing indication about modern values. It's more important to have ceremonies for pets than people.
True, children will lose many pets during their life and there aren't rituals for this. But it's also true that there are a lot of human losses - miscarriages, deaths - among family and friends and even your children's friends' families. Shouldn't there be a small ritual for these losses that looks beyond the normal funeral home visit?
This has come up a lot for us this year. A good friend lost her four-month-old to SIDS this year, and she's struggled to redefine her family, to establish new rituals to remember her son and to help the family heal. Her preschooler is the hardest to deal with, because she simply can't grasp the idea her baby brother isn't going to "finish being dead."
As I mentioned, we had the miscarriage this year. Because I was so sick during the first trimester, I'd told Little One about the baby. She was very disappointed when she learned the baby wouldn't be coming and she still asks me sometimes, "Did we have our baby yet?" We did attend a Walk to Remember, held to remember babies lost in miscarriage and infancy. They had a very nice ceremony where Little Ones could make signs commemorating the lost child and wear them during the walk. Then we walked around a downtown park. We gathered to hear each child's name read - even if it was only Baby Lastname - while a cello played softly. We were given a small silver token with an angle on it and then we all released white balloons into the air.
It was so sad, watching all those white balloons rise and float away like little souls. But it was very healing and I was grateful that they'd taken steps to involve siblings.
Once again, we're faced with questions about handling death in our family. Do we bring Little Bit to the funeral home? The funeral? She can't even be quiet for a church service - and what will she make of so many people being upset? I don't want to hide our emotions from her, but I also don't want to overwhelm and scare her.
I'll be posting more about this in the days to come and welcome any input from readers about handling deaths within the family.
Technorati | Death in the Family
Still, there was no definitive warning. She had just been released from the hospital to a therapy nursing home, where she was supposed to learn how to swallow and walk again. Apparently, she'd just finished a therapy session and returned to bed, where she died without any warning signs.
I fear she died alone, but am unsure. She was something of a mother to my Hubby - she apparently raised him during his preschool years. I'm not sure how to handle this with my Little Bit. We saw her Christmas Day, and Little Bit was afraid of her condition and confused by what was going on. She wanted to know if she'd be all better. I told her maybe - sometimes people did get better. But sometimes, when people got really old and sick, they had to go to God to feel better. And if they did that, we wouldn't be able to see her again.
I don't know if that was a good answer or not. Today, we told her she'd went to God to be better. Little Bit seems to feel this means she'll return. I'm afraid with what we told her after our miscarriage, she's going to be very confused about this whole God/death thing. I want her to feel good about God. I want her to be okay with death - at least until she's old enough to work through it for herself. Some sites I've read suggest not bringing God into it at all, since Little Ones can misunderstand and develop fears about God taking them away. I don't want that.
I guess there isn't a right answer. But I feel like I'm farther away from a good answer than I want to be. Maybe that's because I'm so ambivalent about death and God myself. I wish I felt more certain. I hope she doesn't think I've sold her a bill of goods on God one day. I want her to have more faith than I do, or than her father does. I think it would make life - and death - much easier to take if she did.
Today, I'd planned to report on a book called "New Family Traditions," which presents rituals for the family. There are a lot of good ideas, but I notice there is nothing on dealing with a family member's death. There is a chapter on pets and some ideas for rituals to perform when pets die - but nothing about humans. I find that very odd and, frankly, a disturbing indication about modern values. It's more important to have ceremonies for pets than people.
True, children will lose many pets during their life and there aren't rituals for this. But it's also true that there are a lot of human losses - miscarriages, deaths - among family and friends and even your children's friends' families. Shouldn't there be a small ritual for these losses that looks beyond the normal funeral home visit?
This has come up a lot for us this year. A good friend lost her four-month-old to SIDS this year, and she's struggled to redefine her family, to establish new rituals to remember her son and to help the family heal. Her preschooler is the hardest to deal with, because she simply can't grasp the idea her baby brother isn't going to "finish being dead."
As I mentioned, we had the miscarriage this year. Because I was so sick during the first trimester, I'd told Little One about the baby. She was very disappointed when she learned the baby wouldn't be coming and she still asks me sometimes, "Did we have our baby yet?" We did attend a Walk to Remember, held to remember babies lost in miscarriage and infancy. They had a very nice ceremony where Little Ones could make signs commemorating the lost child and wear them during the walk. Then we walked around a downtown park. We gathered to hear each child's name read - even if it was only Baby Lastname - while a cello played softly. We were given a small silver token with an angle on it and then we all released white balloons into the air.
It was so sad, watching all those white balloons rise and float away like little souls. But it was very healing and I was grateful that they'd taken steps to involve siblings.
Once again, we're faced with questions about handling death in our family. Do we bring Little Bit to the funeral home? The funeral? She can't even be quiet for a church service - and what will she make of so many people being upset? I don't want to hide our emotions from her, but I also don't want to overwhelm and scare her.
I'll be posting more about this in the days to come and welcome any input from readers about handling deaths within the family.
Technorati | Death in the Family
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Family Gift Idea
- Send a ball through the mail, personalized with the family's name.
- Photo blocks - whether it's the family pet or a favorite portrait. (Thanks to ParentHacks for this one.)
- Gift certificate to play miniature golf
- Holiday-themed (any holiday) plate sets. These can be upscale sets
or cheap sets you find at the Dollar Store. For $25, my mom bought my family a complete set of plates, cups, saucers and bowls that look fantastic after 5 years!
- Museum, park, botantical gardens, acquarium or zoo tickets or membership
- Amusement park tickets or membership
- Gift basket full of your favorite ice cream toppings
- A DVD of a family films
- A photo album, preferably with some photos of their family and yours. Or, you could give a certificate to a portrait studio.
- Long distance calling cards for family who lives away
- Games. Check out GamerDad's Holiday Guide to find age-appropriate family video and board games.
Family | Christmas Gifts | Simplify Christmas | Gifts | Holidays
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Giving Family Gifts for Holidays
People love to complain about the holidays and gift giving. While people enjoy giving the gifts, they don't seem to enjoy the process of gift-giving: Choosing a great gift for someone, buying it and wrapping it. And many people seem to think holiday spending is more than a bit out of control, especially in a society where so many can afford to buy pretty much whatever they want whenever they want or need it. Of course, we all want that big screen TV - but let's face it, most of us don't have anyone who can afford to give us that, and we can't really afford to give the big ticket gifts people can't get for themselves.
All of which makes for a frustrating gift-giving season. I can't afford the things people would really want, and what I can afford to get them, they could get themselves if they really wanted it - which makes me think they don't really want it or need it. So, I hit my head against a wall trying to come up with good, creative ideas for everyone in the family.
Well, this year, I'm cutting back on the insanity.
I'm buying family gifts.
Instead of finding the perfect (or not so perfect) gift for each individual, I'm going to buy gifts that they can use as a family, whether their family is one person and a dog or five children and two adult.
This solves a number of holiday problems.
First, it creates spending equity. I don't have to worry that I'm spending more on one child or go out and buy some chocolates at the last minute to make sure everybody gets the same amount. My brother, who has no kids, doesn't have to spend extra money on my family just because we have children. And my sister, who isn't married and has no children, gets as much as she gets because in our plan, she counts as a family.
Second, it will allow me to get gifts for more people. I have a lot of very good friends I don't buy for - and they don't buy for me - simply because we don't want to increase our shopping lists. But by buying family gifts, I'll only have to buy one gift - not four per family - for my friends.
Third, it limits my options, but in a good way. I don't have to choose two toys, two sweaters, and four books - all of which involves traveling to three stores at least. Instead, I can get one audio book, matching pajamas or one game. I can buy membership to parks, museums, zoos or get gift certificates for everyone at the local miniature golf.
Finally, giving family gifts affirms my belief that building family is important.
In my next post, I'll share some great family gift ideas. Please email or post your thoughts on family gifts, and I'll report back.
Family | Christmas Gifts | Simplify Christmas | Gifts | Holidays | technorati
All of which makes for a frustrating gift-giving season. I can't afford the things people would really want, and what I can afford to get them, they could get themselves if they really wanted it - which makes me think they don't really want it or need it. So, I hit my head against a wall trying to come up with good, creative ideas for everyone in the family.
Well, this year, I'm cutting back on the insanity.
I'm buying family gifts.
Instead of finding the perfect (or not so perfect) gift for each individual, I'm going to buy gifts that they can use as a family, whether their family is one person and a dog or five children and two adult.
This solves a number of holiday problems.
First, it creates spending equity. I don't have to worry that I'm spending more on one child or go out and buy some chocolates at the last minute to make sure everybody gets the same amount. My brother, who has no kids, doesn't have to spend extra money on my family just because we have children. And my sister, who isn't married and has no children, gets as much as she gets because in our plan, she counts as a family.
Second, it will allow me to get gifts for more people. I have a lot of very good friends I don't buy for - and they don't buy for me - simply because we don't want to increase our shopping lists. But by buying family gifts, I'll only have to buy one gift - not four per family - for my friends.
Third, it limits my options, but in a good way. I don't have to choose two toys, two sweaters, and four books - all of which involves traveling to three stores at least. Instead, I can get one audio book, matching pajamas or one game. I can buy membership to parks, museums, zoos or get gift certificates for everyone at the local miniature golf.
Finally, giving family gifts affirms my belief that building family is important.
In my next post, I'll share some great family gift ideas. Please email or post your thoughts on family gifts, and I'll report back.
Family | Christmas Gifts | Simplify Christmas | Gifts | Holidays | technorati
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Family Volunteering
All our married lives, my husband and I have volunteered. It's been an important part of our experience as individuals and a family. Sometimes, we simply volunteered through work - I tutored a little girl while working on the education beat, he volunteered to help organize office parties at his current job and help an emergency agency sort donations after the Oklahoma City bombing. Sometimes, we volunteered individually.
But my favorite experiences are when we volunteer together. I particularly loved when we were foster parents with the Humane Society. We'd take various puppies and dogs into our home and help raise or socialize them. We have lots of photos with every dog we brought home and while it was always heartbreaking to return them, that was a small price for the experience.
After we had the Little One, we took some time off for volunteering. Raising a baby is plenty of work on its own. we did small things here and there - donating to Goodwill or other charities, for instance. But she was too small to join in a family effort and we were too busy managing our lives.
That changed this year. Two events made me realize we need to start volunteering:
1. My father, a plumber, went to Mexico with an organization to help set up houses with running water for children in a poverty-stricken border town.
2. Our church organized a volunteer project for the preschool set. It was simple enough - they went to a nursing home and sang Christmas carols. She was a bit afraid of the the older people, but she wanted to go back the next day because one lady promised she'd have candy then - so Little One couldn't have been very afraid. Plus, it's normal to be a bit nervous around people who are different than your daily experience. I feel that just means you need more experience around those people.
Since then, I've spent a lot of time researching possible family volunteering projects for those with young children. Obviously, the older your child, the more the child can do. Here's what I've come up with:
If you have a child who's past the Preschool years, the possibilities expand. For more ideas, check out The Busy Family's Guide to Volunteering, which offers thousands of ideas for long-term, short-term, even on-the-spot volunteering and giving.
If you already volunteer with your family, you might want to enter Wondertime's Littlest Volunteer Contest.
Please share any ideas or experiences you've had with volunteering with me!
Family | Volunteering | Giving | Preschooler | Family Activities | technorati
But my favorite experiences are when we volunteer together. I particularly loved when we were foster parents with the Humane Society. We'd take various puppies and dogs into our home and help raise or socialize them. We have lots of photos with every dog we brought home and while it was always heartbreaking to return them, that was a small price for the experience.
After we had the Little One, we took some time off for volunteering. Raising a baby is plenty of work on its own. we did small things here and there - donating to Goodwill or other charities, for instance. But she was too small to join in a family effort and we were too busy managing our lives.
That changed this year. Two events made me realize we need to start volunteering:
1. My father, a plumber, went to Mexico with an organization to help set up houses with running water for children in a poverty-stricken border town.
2. Our church organized a volunteer project for the preschool set. It was simple enough - they went to a nursing home and sang Christmas carols. She was a bit afraid of the the older people, but she wanted to go back the next day because one lady promised she'd have candy then - so Little One couldn't have been very afraid. Plus, it's normal to be a bit nervous around people who are different than your daily experience. I feel that just means you need more experience around those people.
Since then, I've spent a lot of time researching possible family volunteering projects for those with young children. Obviously, the older your child, the more the child can do. Here's what I've come up with:
- Foster puppies or kittens. I used to do this, but hadn't thought of it again until I read an article in Wondertime. This wouldn't be a good idea for some little ones, but since Little One is always around dogs, we could safely foster puppies. Kittens are out because she's allergic, unfortunately. There are lots of shelters that need foster parents, particularly during the spring, when all the new litters are born. Often, the babies won't have mothers and you really need to do a lot of work to care for them. The commitment time is generally six to eight weeks, depending on their age. Basically, you keep them until their old enough to be neutered. The only question is how Little One would handle returning the pups. I think it'd be okay if she knew there would be more in the future.
- The Box Project. This is a simple idea born when the founder,New Hampshire native Virginia Naeve met Coretta Scott King on an airplane. Volunteers are matched with a family from poor areas of the U.S. - Appalachia or the Delta, for instance - and commit to send the family a care box for once a month for a year. There's a $50 fee to join, which goes to support the organization. You're also encouraged to mentor the family, exchanging letters to learn more about their lives and better target your aid. Lots of people seem to form life-long relationships from this simple project. This is a fantastic way to give throughout the year and teach your child about caring for other people. In return, you'd be teaching your child empathy, geography and a bit about culture in the U.S. outside your neighborhood. You could form a friendship with someone you'd otherwise never meet. Plus, you'd know your efforts made a real impact.
- If a yearlong commitment seems too much, there are lots of variations on the box idea. For instance, you can send one-time boxes to U.S. troops, create a half-dozen comfort kits or school kits for Heart-to-Heart, or put together kits for Church World Services. For more, just google boxes+charity.
- Adopt a Grandparent. Your family agrees to serve as a surrogate family for someone in a nursing home. I'm having a hard time actually finding an organization that oversees this. There's an Adopt-A-Grandparent in Atlanta, if you happen to live in that region. I'm sure you could call any nursing home and set this up individually, however. Here are some tips for how to be a surrogate family.
- Be a Big Sister/Big Brother. I think it'd be important to ask for a child whose age is roughly the same as your own child. I'm very protective and safety-conscious, so I'd be a bit shy of bringing my child around an older child I didn't know.
- Go with your preschooler to a bookstore and buy books to donate to a pediatric hospital
If you have a child who's past the Preschool years, the possibilities expand. For more ideas, check out The Busy Family's Guide to Volunteering, which offers thousands of ideas for long-term, short-term, even on-the-spot volunteering and giving.
If you already volunteer with your family, you might want to enter Wondertime's Littlest Volunteer Contest.
Please share any ideas or experiences you've had with volunteering with me!
Family | Volunteering | Giving | Preschooler | Family Activities | technorati
Sunday, December 03, 2006
TV Free During Weeks
I'm reading a book on writing, authored by perhaps the most prolific writer ever, Stephen King. In many ways, it's a memoir, and he talks about his alcoholism. Now, I'm a little paranoid about drinking and, really, everything else. I'm always wondering, "Could that be me?" But I couldn't even make comparisons with King. The man drank Scope, for God's sake. He also did cocaine. Apparently, he doesn't even remember writing most of Cugo.
It's a sad story, but there's a happy ending: His family finally confronted him and he decided to give up drugs and alcohol - even if it meant giving up writing, which in his addicted-addled mind, it would - to stay with his family.
But he gave up a lot before then. Addiction demanded a lot from him, including covering up his addiction and putting it before anything else. In fact, he feels the woman in Misery is actually alcohol, holding him prisoner, forcing him to write at its whims.
It made me think: What has that much control over me? What keeps me from the people and things I love?
And the answer was so obvious: TV.
I am a TV addict.
At first, it was just nights. I'm "too tired" to work so I just watch TV. Then, I need to rest, so I turn on the TV during the day when I should be playing with my daughter. First, it's just one show. Then it's two. And so on.
It's not just current shows, either. It's movies and series from Netflix. Series I've used my DVR to record and am now "really into." I probably easily watch 35 hours a week of TV.
So I've decided to break that habit.
I'm moving the TV to the basement so it won't dominate our living room. I'm eliminating TV during the week - except for Lost (if it's ever on again) and ONE episode of educational TV for my daughter. Eventually, I'll eliminate that show from the week as well, but I figure she's three - I shouldn't force her to go cold turkey.
I've deleted all but a few movies from the Netflix queue. I'm going to eliminate it entirely after I've seen those flicks. And I've cut down my recordings to the shows I truly love to view in place of weekend movies: Scrubs, Earl, Heroes and the Biggest Loser. If I watch those, that will still be an hour and a half of TV on the weekends. Plenty.
I have an escalation plan, in case that doesn't work. The plan is to get rid of all but basic cable, (otherwise we wouldn't pick up anything). If that doesn't work, then the DVR and cable go. And if that doesn't work - well, bye-bye TV. But I hope it doesn't come to that. We do love to watch movies.
This will be hardest on me, but hardest to explain to my already-tv addicted three year old. I feel tons of guilt for doing that to her - creating the addiction, not cutting back on TV - but she already seems to be adjusting better than I.
technorati | Parenting | Turn Off TV | Stephen King
It's a sad story, but there's a happy ending: His family finally confronted him and he decided to give up drugs and alcohol - even if it meant giving up writing, which in his addicted-addled mind, it would - to stay with his family.
But he gave up a lot before then. Addiction demanded a lot from him, including covering up his addiction and putting it before anything else. In fact, he feels the woman in Misery is actually alcohol, holding him prisoner, forcing him to write at its whims.
It made me think: What has that much control over me? What keeps me from the people and things I love?
And the answer was so obvious: TV.
I am a TV addict.
At first, it was just nights. I'm "too tired" to work so I just watch TV. Then, I need to rest, so I turn on the TV during the day when I should be playing with my daughter. First, it's just one show. Then it's two. And so on.
It's not just current shows, either. It's movies and series from Netflix. Series I've used my DVR to record and am now "really into." I probably easily watch 35 hours a week of TV.
So I've decided to break that habit.
I'm moving the TV to the basement so it won't dominate our living room. I'm eliminating TV during the week - except for Lost (if it's ever on again) and ONE episode of educational TV for my daughter. Eventually, I'll eliminate that show from the week as well, but I figure she's three - I shouldn't force her to go cold turkey.
I've deleted all but a few movies from the Netflix queue. I'm going to eliminate it entirely after I've seen those flicks. And I've cut down my recordings to the shows I truly love to view in place of weekend movies: Scrubs, Earl, Heroes and the Biggest Loser. If I watch those, that will still be an hour and a half of TV on the weekends. Plenty.
I have an escalation plan, in case that doesn't work. The plan is to get rid of all but basic cable, (otherwise we wouldn't pick up anything). If that doesn't work, then the DVR and cable go. And if that doesn't work - well, bye-bye TV. But I hope it doesn't come to that. We do love to watch movies.
This will be hardest on me, but hardest to explain to my already-tv addicted three year old. I feel tons of guilt for doing that to her - creating the addiction, not cutting back on TV - but she already seems to be adjusting better than I.
technorati | Parenting | Turn Off TV | Stephen King
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)