If you're looking for a way to cut down on the holiday hassle and possibly save money, why not consider giving family gifts this year? By family gifts, I mean one gift for an entire family that encourages family togetherness.
I wrote about the idea in 2006, but I didn't mention at the time that it could be a way to cut your gift expenses. After all, you can buy a very nice family gift for everyone to share for less than you would spend on each individual.
Here's a list of family gift ideas to get you started.
Showing posts with label Holidays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Holidays. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Saturday, December 15, 2007
If Every Day Was Just Like Christmas
Every Christmas, I drag out my Elvis Christmas record/tape/CD - depending on the decade - and listen to it over and over and over again. It's the only Christmas record - other than Disco Duck Christmas - my family owned. In fact, in general, my family didn't play records, probably because my dad was always singing and playing his guitar when he was home and my mom enjoyed the quiet when he was gone.
It sounds great - very Mayberry - to have a dad who sings and plays guitar. And it was cool - I love my memories of Dad sitting on the front porch after dark, playing still songs to the stars.
But it's also kinda annoying, especially if you want to have a conversation with the man, or ask him to play with you or any of the other things kids want from parents.
But I love that Elvis record. Absolutely love it.
In the title track, "If Every Day Was Like Christmas
," Elvis ponders why we can't be nice and love each other throughout the year. Over the years, I've had different relationships with this question. I use to cry about it and think, "Yeah, it should be like Christmas all year - we should give people gifts and all that!"
Then it just seemed naive and trite.
Now, I'm rethinking it again after reading this Psychology Today article, "Surviving Holiday Hell."
I wrote about it last year, and decided to revisit it to see if there were any ideas for breaking negative traditions and creating new ones. As it turns out, the piece does offer advice about that, noting that when traditions become, essentially, dogmatic, no one enjoys them. They just soullessly go through the ritual - which is why it's a good idea to shake things up, particularly as life stages change.
For instance, if you've had the same Christmas morning ritual since your children were little, and now they're all teens, well, you should reexamine that ritual. It's probably no longer fun.
The article closes with this advice from some expert mentioned in the piece:
I added the italics, because it really stood out to me as a way to rescue a holiday which, frankly, mostly feels like drudgery.
And I realized that part of the reason Christmas has been hard, too, is because we don't treat ourselves well during the rest of the year and it all comes to a head with the added stress of Christmas. In other words - we just notice at Christmas because all the bad stuff happens at the same time.
An example:
You have a problem saying no - to work, to your mother, to your mother-in-law and to your friends. All year, you're under a low-grade stress because of this, but generally, they don't all come calling at once and you manage. But at Christmas, they all put demands on you. And it's too much so you crack. "Enough!" You yell. "Why is Christmas so miserable?!?"
Well, clearly, if you'd had some boundaries in place and said no to some people all year, you wouldn't be under so much pressure now. Because they'd all know better and be used to your boundaries, plus you'd have a year of practice in for saying no.
You can apply this to just about any problem that 'seems' to be an issue at Christmas: Weight problems and overeating; overspending; poor organizational skills; an inability to delegate; poor household management - all come to a head during the holidays because you've added a deadline - Christmas - and pressed all the pressure points at once.
So: What if, next year, everyday were just like Christmas in that you nurtured yourself and your family - ahead of everyone else? My guess is, by the time Christmas did come around, you'd:
a. Know how to take care of yourself and your family so that
b. You'd be able to give more joyfully and
c. You'd know when to stop giving and start saying no.
Family | Holidays | Christmas | Elvis
It sounds great - very Mayberry - to have a dad who sings and plays guitar. And it was cool - I love my memories of Dad sitting on the front porch after dark, playing still songs to the stars.
But it's also kinda annoying, especially if you want to have a conversation with the man, or ask him to play with you or any of the other things kids want from parents.
But I love that Elvis record. Absolutely love it.
In the title track, "If Every Day Was Like Christmas
," Elvis ponders why we can't be nice and love each other throughout the year. Over the years, I've had different relationships with this question. I use to cry about it and think, "Yeah, it should be like Christmas all year - we should give people gifts and all that!"Then it just seemed naive and trite.
Now, I'm rethinking it again after reading this Psychology Today article, "Surviving Holiday Hell."
I wrote about it last year, and decided to revisit it to see if there were any ideas for breaking negative traditions and creating new ones. As it turns out, the piece does offer advice about that, noting that when traditions become, essentially, dogmatic, no one enjoys them. They just soullessly go through the ritual - which is why it's a good idea to shake things up, particularly as life stages change.
For instance, if you've had the same Christmas morning ritual since your children were little, and now they're all teens, well, you should reexamine that ritual. It's probably no longer fun.
The article closes with this advice from some expert mentioned in the piece:
Better, he says, if we treat the rest of the year as if it were Christmas. And treat Christmas as if it were an ordeal. Cancel the big show. Don't bother smearing pate on the beef. Simply feed and nurture each other. Then no one will be disappointed.
I added the italics, because it really stood out to me as a way to rescue a holiday which, frankly, mostly feels like drudgery.
And I realized that part of the reason Christmas has been hard, too, is because we don't treat ourselves well during the rest of the year and it all comes to a head with the added stress of Christmas. In other words - we just notice at Christmas because all the bad stuff happens at the same time.
An example:
You have a problem saying no - to work, to your mother, to your mother-in-law and to your friends. All year, you're under a low-grade stress because of this, but generally, they don't all come calling at once and you manage. But at Christmas, they all put demands on you. And it's too much so you crack. "Enough!" You yell. "Why is Christmas so miserable?!?"
Well, clearly, if you'd had some boundaries in place and said no to some people all year, you wouldn't be under so much pressure now. Because they'd all know better and be used to your boundaries, plus you'd have a year of practice in for saying no.
You can apply this to just about any problem that 'seems' to be an issue at Christmas: Weight problems and overeating; overspending; poor organizational skills; an inability to delegate; poor household management - all come to a head during the holidays because you've added a deadline - Christmas - and pressed all the pressure points at once.
So: What if, next year, everyday were just like Christmas in that you nurtured yourself and your family - ahead of everyone else? My guess is, by the time Christmas did come around, you'd:
a. Know how to take care of yourself and your family so that
b. You'd be able to give more joyfully and
c. You'd know when to stop giving and start saying no.
Family | Holidays | Christmas | Elvis
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Carnival of Family Life Up
The new Carnival of Family Life is up at On the Horizon. It includes a recent Time for Family post, "A Community Makes Time for Family."
I particularly liked the section on Holiday gift ideas, including a list of lead-free toys. Check it out.
I particularly liked the section on Holiday gift ideas, including a list of lead-free toys. Check it out.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Quick Tip: Christmas Lights and Coco
Want an easy, low-stress family tradition for the holidays? That's right - I said "easy, low-stress" and "family tradition" in the same sentence.
When it's dark tonight, instead of plopping down in front of the TV, do this: Mix up some warm coco, put it in a thermos - or sippy cup, if you've got a preschooler - and head out after dark for a car tour of the neighborhood or downtown Christmas lights.
If you've thought far enough ahead, pop in a CD of seasonal songs, but chances are, carols are already playing on the radio.
One caveat: If you have a DVD player in your car, be sure to turn it off!
Some cities even have parks that host light displays, but these cost money and, well, driving around neighborhoods is relatively free - minus the $3 a gallon gas prices, of course. Plus, every town has those neighborhoods were people go all-out. Why not enjoy their creativity for free?
If you're up for it, and live in a neighborhood that loves to decorate, you could bundle up and go for a walk instead.
When it's dark tonight, instead of plopping down in front of the TV, do this: Mix up some warm coco, put it in a thermos - or sippy cup, if you've got a preschooler - and head out after dark for a car tour of the neighborhood or downtown Christmas lights.
If you've thought far enough ahead, pop in a CD of seasonal songs, but chances are, carols are already playing on the radio.
One caveat: If you have a DVD player in your car, be sure to turn it off!
Some cities even have parks that host light displays, but these cost money and, well, driving around neighborhoods is relatively free - minus the $3 a gallon gas prices, of course. Plus, every town has those neighborhoods were people go all-out. Why not enjoy their creativity for free?
If you're up for it, and live in a neighborhood that loves to decorate, you could bundle up and go for a walk instead.
Christmas: Time to Heal?
Given my humbuggery about Thanksgiving, I suppose it's only karma that I stumbled onto this article, "The Purpose Driven Christmas," by Rick Warren, author of the Purpose Drive Life and similar titles.
One of the ways Warren suggests we add meaning to the holiday is to "Make It a Time for Personal Growth," which has a very specific meaning for him. He challenges us to look at who we need to forgive and of whom we need to ask forgiveness. He writes:
Obviously, I've got some forgiving to do. The question for me has always been how? To tell you the truth, I've never found that real forgiveness - where you can give as you did before the injury - happens easily or often. People forgive in that they let go of the anger, but they don't give up the fear, the mistrust or the pain. I think if you're really going to forgive, you have to do that as well. And that's damn hard to do if someone keeps hurting you by doing the same thing.
Here's a little secret: I'm trying a new form of therapy that's supposed to help you do exactly this. It's called EMDR, and I started going for post-traumatic stress disorder from the Oklahoma City bombing.
I'll be honest with you: If I'd walked into a therapist's office and she tried EMDR, I'd probably walk right out or never go back. But I have a psychiatrist friend who's been using it with his patients, and he reported nigh-miracle results: People off their medicines, completely different, happy and well-adjusted in a very short time. Then a friend tried it and it seemed to work for her.
After years of struggling with depression, always being on medicine and never getting very far in therapy, despite three therapists and years of work, I thought I'd give it a try.
And it seems to be working. Really, really well. Even my husband agrees.
So far, I have been able to 'let go' of a lot of pain and anger. What's nice about that is I can come from a place of strength and resolve without feeling all ick inside about it. You know what I mean: The nervousness, the anxiety. No, in the situations where we've done EMDR, I can just be myself and feel okay and not have to worry about it. I remember everything - but it's all clearer and in perspective.
Sometimes, like over Thanksgiving, I still get knocked down, but so far, it's always been in an area where we're still doing the work or a new area I've never tackled. It turns out, some of this depression stuff goes way, way back. Surprise. Maybe when we're finished with the EMDR, I won't have to write posts about 'subtracting' family members. Although, you know, after EMDR, I really have no guilt about cutting off some very dangerous, destructive family members. Previously, it was very hard for me to opt out - I felt guilty, as if I should make it possible to see them over the holidays, even though they didn't respect our requests, our rules and even potentially were a danger to my child.
If you're really struggling to forgiveness, depression, anger or anxiety, why not find an EMDR therapist and try. Be prepared to give it at least two months before you see results. And realize that you'll actually get worse before you get better. That's what happens when you dig up bones.
Hopefully, by Christmas, I'll be able to manage some forgiveness under the tree.
Family | Family Problems | Holidays
One of the ways Warren suggests we add meaning to the holiday is to "Make It a Time for Personal Growth," which has a very specific meaning for him. He challenges us to look at who we need to forgive and of whom we need to ask forgiveness. He writes:
Resentment always hurts you more than the person you resent because bitterness keeps you emotionally stuck in the past. Let go of those hurts and remember this: The most valuable and significant gift you can give anyone this Christmas is your forgiveness, because it will allow you to grow.
Obviously, I've got some forgiving to do. The question for me has always been how? To tell you the truth, I've never found that real forgiveness - where you can give as you did before the injury - happens easily or often. People forgive in that they let go of the anger, but they don't give up the fear, the mistrust or the pain. I think if you're really going to forgive, you have to do that as well. And that's damn hard to do if someone keeps hurting you by doing the same thing.
Here's a little secret: I'm trying a new form of therapy that's supposed to help you do exactly this. It's called EMDR, and I started going for post-traumatic stress disorder from the Oklahoma City bombing.
I'll be honest with you: If I'd walked into a therapist's office and she tried EMDR, I'd probably walk right out or never go back. But I have a psychiatrist friend who's been using it with his patients, and he reported nigh-miracle results: People off their medicines, completely different, happy and well-adjusted in a very short time. Then a friend tried it and it seemed to work for her.
After years of struggling with depression, always being on medicine and never getting very far in therapy, despite three therapists and years of work, I thought I'd give it a try.
And it seems to be working. Really, really well. Even my husband agrees.
So far, I have been able to 'let go' of a lot of pain and anger. What's nice about that is I can come from a place of strength and resolve without feeling all ick inside about it. You know what I mean: The nervousness, the anxiety. No, in the situations where we've done EMDR, I can just be myself and feel okay and not have to worry about it. I remember everything - but it's all clearer and in perspective.
Sometimes, like over Thanksgiving, I still get knocked down, but so far, it's always been in an area where we're still doing the work or a new area I've never tackled. It turns out, some of this depression stuff goes way, way back. Surprise. Maybe when we're finished with the EMDR, I won't have to write posts about 'subtracting' family members. Although, you know, after EMDR, I really have no guilt about cutting off some very dangerous, destructive family members. Previously, it was very hard for me to opt out - I felt guilty, as if I should make it possible to see them over the holidays, even though they didn't respect our requests, our rules and even potentially were a danger to my child.
If you're really struggling to forgiveness, depression, anger or anxiety, why not find an EMDR therapist and try. Be prepared to give it at least two months before you see results. And realize that you'll actually get worse before you get better. That's what happens when you dig up bones.
Hopefully, by Christmas, I'll be able to manage some forgiveness under the tree.
Family | Family Problems | Holidays
Saturday, November 24, 2007
A Better Thanksgiving in 2008
My Thanksgiving was so unbelievably horrible, my husband and I have decided to start a new tradition next year: Leaving town.
Here are our ideas for a new family (meaning, just the three of us) tradition for next year:
Actually, I did enjoy seeing my extended family Friday night at my grandmothers. And my daughter loved playing with her cousins - well, second cousins, but they're all she has in terms of young relatives.
Thanksgiving | Family Problems | Surviving Holidays
Here are our ideas for a new family (meaning, just the three of us) tradition for next year:
- Thanksgiving with the Mouse. Disney is such an artificially pleasant place - and frankly, I could do with some forced pleasantry during Thanksgiving. After all, it sets the tone for the whole Christmas season. And believe me, I have no Christmas joy after this year's Thanksgiving. So, my logic is: Forced joy = Joy through the Christmas season. Actually, one year we spent the week before Christmas in Florida and visited Disney and it just brightened up our whole Christmas. Also, I figure once our daughter's married, there's no way her spouse's family can compete with a Disney vacation at Thanksgiving. But then again, we might get stuck with Thanksgiving and his family would get Christmas, which would just piss me off no end. So, maybe not. (You have to think ahead when planning new family traditions.)
- Thanksgiving in New York - why not? Book the package, see the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade up close and personal, stay the weekend and enjoy the Christmas lights. I recognize we may not want to do this every year, but it's my hands-down favorite for next year.
- Thanksgiving in a different state, starting with Maine - or New York (see number 2). My least favorite, because once you finished with the original 13 colonies, I think it'd get pretty dull. Except for Florida, California and Hawaii. They'd be awesome. On the other hand, my daughter will be 5 and she'd be 18 by the time we finished the colonies. By that time, we'd have a long track record of not being home for Thanksgiving and could perhaps slack off a bit and do something more fun. And maybe we'd have more money to do something wild - like buy a time share for Thanksgiving in Hawaii. Aloha!
- Thanksgiving in a cabin far, far away. As in, the Smokey Mountains, the Poconos, or possibly the Rockies.
- Thanksgiving Abroad. No turkey, but no relatives either. We could revisit all the places the Pilgrims fled. It'd be very educational.
- Thanksgiving in our new home state - of any-place-but-here.
Actually, I did enjoy seeing my extended family Friday night at my grandmothers. And my daughter loved playing with her cousins - well, second cousins, but they're all she has in terms of young relatives.
Thanksgiving | Family Problems | Surviving Holidays
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Thanksgiving: Hunker Down and Get Through It
I know this is a blog focusing on family, and in the past, I've had a tendency to focus on the potential of family more than the realities. But this holiday, I've got a bad case of the humbugs.
And, frankly, I'm just hunkering down to get through this hap-happiest time of the year. I do harbor hopes my attitude will improve before Christmas, but it's just too late for Thanksgiving.
The thing is, all is not well in Extended Family Land and the holidays are just forcing togetherness at a time when we'd be better off left alone. The truth is, the thought of the whole thing makes me queasy.
I'm not alone, as I recently discovered during a conversation with my mother.
Just last night, I learned my sister's new boyfriend would be joining us. Every year, there's a different stranger sitting beside my sister at the Thanksgiving table. At a time in our lives when we barely see each other, it's disconcerting to navigate dinner conversation with a stranger. To me, it just adds to the strain. I never brought boyfriends to holiday dinners and can't understand why she feels the need. Sure, he might become a member of the family one day - but, frankly, we've thought that about every guy she's brought to holiday dinners and let's just say the odds are against him.
My mother contends it's because my sister - who is the baby of the family - is the only one not married and that she has a right to bring any friend she wants to the family meal. And since it's my mother's house, what can I say, except the same was not true about my friends. "This is family-time," I was told very sternly. "Haven't they go their own family?"
But I digress. The point is, when I said the boyfriend made me anxious, my mother informed me she gets anxious having all of us to dinner. My father and she agreed that it'd be a 'successful' holiday if we could all get through it without fighting.
Which made me wonder, "Then why are we bothering?"
I mean, really. No one's looking forward to it. Everyone sees it as something to survive. Why bother? Why not just cancel Thanksgiving? Christmas will come soon enough as it is, and I know I'm not getting out of that one.
I realize this is not the holiday tripe I'm supposed to think. And it definitely doesn't reflect a positive mental attitude. But one does wonder: Are we just all in this because of our misguided ideas about family and it's importance? If we only see each other because we 'have to,' because it's a holiday, then is family really important? Or are we just playing at family?
It'd be nice if the solution were as easy as, "Just don't go." But the truth is, doing that would generate all this weird angst around the holiday table that would have ramifications through my mother's birthday and Christmas. It's easier to just endure.
One thing is clear: I don't want my own family - my husband and child - to be this way years from now. We've got to redefine the day for ourselves - cut loose somehow from the situations that make us grimace with anxiety and feel we're 'enduring' the holiday. Wouldn't it be wonderful if, some Thanksgiving in the future, we actually felt glad and grateful for a day to be together?
But not this year. So, until that fabled time comes when we're actually thankful to spend time with family, check out Mahalo's "How to Survive Thanksgiving Dinner with Your Family." You might also enjoy my post on Toxic Relatives from last November.
See you on the other end of the turkey!
Thanksgiving | Family Problems | Surviving Holidays
And, frankly, I'm just hunkering down to get through this hap-happiest time of the year. I do harbor hopes my attitude will improve before Christmas, but it's just too late for Thanksgiving.
The thing is, all is not well in Extended Family Land and the holidays are just forcing togetherness at a time when we'd be better off left alone. The truth is, the thought of the whole thing makes me queasy.
I'm not alone, as I recently discovered during a conversation with my mother.
Just last night, I learned my sister's new boyfriend would be joining us. Every year, there's a different stranger sitting beside my sister at the Thanksgiving table. At a time in our lives when we barely see each other, it's disconcerting to navigate dinner conversation with a stranger. To me, it just adds to the strain. I never brought boyfriends to holiday dinners and can't understand why she feels the need. Sure, he might become a member of the family one day - but, frankly, we've thought that about every guy she's brought to holiday dinners and let's just say the odds are against him.
My mother contends it's because my sister - who is the baby of the family - is the only one not married and that she has a right to bring any friend she wants to the family meal. And since it's my mother's house, what can I say, except the same was not true about my friends. "This is family-time," I was told very sternly. "Haven't they go their own family?"
But I digress. The point is, when I said the boyfriend made me anxious, my mother informed me she gets anxious having all of us to dinner. My father and she agreed that it'd be a 'successful' holiday if we could all get through it without fighting.
Which made me wonder, "Then why are we bothering?"
I mean, really. No one's looking forward to it. Everyone sees it as something to survive. Why bother? Why not just cancel Thanksgiving? Christmas will come soon enough as it is, and I know I'm not getting out of that one.
I realize this is not the holiday tripe I'm supposed to think. And it definitely doesn't reflect a positive mental attitude. But one does wonder: Are we just all in this because of our misguided ideas about family and it's importance? If we only see each other because we 'have to,' because it's a holiday, then is family really important? Or are we just playing at family?
It'd be nice if the solution were as easy as, "Just don't go." But the truth is, doing that would generate all this weird angst around the holiday table that would have ramifications through my mother's birthday and Christmas. It's easier to just endure.
One thing is clear: I don't want my own family - my husband and child - to be this way years from now. We've got to redefine the day for ourselves - cut loose somehow from the situations that make us grimace with anxiety and feel we're 'enduring' the holiday. Wouldn't it be wonderful if, some Thanksgiving in the future, we actually felt glad and grateful for a day to be together?
But not this year. So, until that fabled time comes when we're actually thankful to spend time with family, check out Mahalo's "How to Survive Thanksgiving Dinner with Your Family." You might also enjoy my post on Toxic Relatives from last November.
See you on the other end of the turkey!
Thanksgiving | Family Problems | Surviving Holidays
Monday, September 24, 2007
Five Fun Family Things to Do on a Week Night
I had a tough day at work. A really tough day. It started out with five threatening emails from Germany, the senders of which apparently did not realize that there's a huge time difference between their country and the U.S. They didn't have a leg to stand on, but nobody tries to work things out in a decent manner anymore. They just jump straight to the threats.It was actually an easily solved problem, but it set a nasty day tone for the day, apparently, since everyone I dealt with afterwards had something hateful or snide to say.
Frankly, by the end of the day, I felt a bit beat up. So, Hubby and I agreed we'd all do something fun tonight. And since I work from the home, I desperately needed to get out of the house.
The question was: What to do?
Recently, our favorite weekday past time has been swimming at a local outdoor pool. It's awesome - the pool is huge and we can all sort of float around aimlessly watching the blue sky and white clouds.
Since it's 96 degrees here, that appealed to us, but alas, the pool closed weeks ago. We wanted to swim at the indoor pool, but it was only open for lane swimmers and classes tonight.
As it turned out, pretty much everything was closed: The amusement park, the zoo, the museums. There are tons of ways to spend your evenings in the summer. But when summer ends, so, for some reason, does the fun.
I understand there's not a lot of demand for weekday family fun during the school year. Children need to go to bed early. There's homework. And of course, there's not as much daylight.
But sometimes, you need to have some a good time and forget your day. You need to break out of your routine. You need a mini-vacation, preferably away from your house.
In the past, we'd probably went for ice cream. But I'm on Weight Watchers now, so I thought it'd be best if we avoided food as the main attraction.
We brainstormed our options and here's what we came up with:
- Go to Gattiland, or Chuck E. Cheese, or any restaurant with a fun zone where you and the kids can grab pizza and a few laughs. This is what we did. I had a nap while Little Bit and Hubby knocked out a level on Star Wars Legos, then we all headed for the pizza buffet at Gattiland's. Afterwards, we spent $5 and had an hour's worth of fun trying the arcade equivalent of Dance, Dance Revolution, throwing balls, playing air hockey, trying skee-ball and riding an indoor Merry-Go-Round. Hint: If you watch the inside, you actually get more dizzy than if you look outside the Merry-Go-Round.
- Live near a city? Go for a horse-drawn carriage. Hubby checked - they run all the time in our downtown. Alternatively, you can visit a park and swing or bring your bikes and go for a ride. If you're in the country, go fishing. I loved fishing in the evenings when I was a kid and nothing erases the day like throwing a few lines after dinner.
- Head outside after dark with some hot chocolate and check out the stars. You don't need a telescope - in fact, my daughter hates our telescope. Binoculars are actually a much more kid-friendly way to view stars and work just as well, if not better, than a telescope. There's also the old-fashioned star-gazing, where you just point out constellations with your finger.
- Go to a movie. Why not? Some theaters even have discounts during the week.
- Go bowling. For some reason, bowling alleys are open weeknights. I know it's impossible to get a lane on league night, but often you can grab a lane right after work and bowl a few games before the league players even show up. For children, bowling alleys will usually put up lane bumpers, so the game's not quite so frustrating.
Family | Fun | List
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Building Family Bonds During Holidays
Holidays mean family gatherings, and, for many, that translates into stressful and potential volatile interactions.
Diffuse the holiday with a little planning. This week, plan something you can do to lighten the atmosphere. Games are always a good choice. Everyone moans at charades, but it's always fun, and all ages can play. If it's fair weather, head out for an Easter Egg hunt - hey, who said adults don't like candy? - or a scrimmage game.
Or get out. Go boating, canoeing or hiking, if your family is so inclined. If the parents or grandparents won't go, then go with your siblings or younger relatives. There's nothing that says everybody has to stay in the same room after the meal. Breaking into smaller groups can help you bond with individual members of your family.
If you don't think you can get your family off the couch after the big meal, try these alternatives:
I'd like to hear other ideas on how you can build family - instead of fight - during a holiday. Our next major holiday: Mother's Day!
Diffuse the holiday with a little planning. This week, plan something you can do to lighten the atmosphere. Games are always a good choice. Everyone moans at charades, but it's always fun, and all ages can play. If it's fair weather, head out for an Easter Egg hunt - hey, who said adults don't like candy? - or a scrimmage game.
Or get out. Go boating, canoeing or hiking, if your family is so inclined. If the parents or grandparents won't go, then go with your siblings or younger relatives. There's nothing that says everybody has to stay in the same room after the meal. Breaking into smaller groups can help you bond with individual members of your family.
If you don't think you can get your family off the couch after the big meal, try these alternatives:
- Bring a game system and play something fun, like Lego's Star Wars or Dance, Dance Revolution. No G games? You can always rent.
- Beg, borrow or rent a Karaoke machine.
- Play poker or Rook.
- Look through old pictures of vacations and other fond memories.
- Rent a fun movie everybody can enjoy. Even animated feature - such as Shrek - which appeal across the generations. Pop Peeps instead of Popcorn.
I'd like to hear other ideas on how you can build family - instead of fight - during a holiday. Our next major holiday: Mother's Day!
Monday, January 01, 2007
Celebrating Family in the Middle East
We're in the third day of Eid Al Adha, a Islamic holiday celebrating Ibrahim's (Abraham) willingess to sacrifice his son, Ismael, for God. Yes, for you Christians and Jews out there, that's a different version of the story. In the Jewish tradition, Abraham is spared from sacrificing Isaac.
Anyway, the first day of the holiday is spent with family and children are honored. Everybody eats too much food and catches up with each other. It seems the whole world over, very few people have time to see family anymore. And this year, the holiday was marked by Saddam's execution, which distracted many in Dubai.
Family | Holidays | Eid Al Adha
Anyway, the first day of the holiday is spent with family and children are honored. Everybody eats too much food and catches up with each other. It seems the whole world over, very few people have time to see family anymore. And this year, the holiday was marked by Saddam's execution, which distracted many in Dubai.
Family | Holidays | Eid Al Adha
Next Year at New Year's
We rung in the New Year with friends - but without our Little Bit. When the clock struck, I realized that what I really wanted was to be with her.
The superstition of ringing in the New Year is that you spend the year with whomever you ring it in with. So, symbolically, I made a choice that put friends over family. And I felt pretty sad about it.
Of course, I'll spend most of my year with Little Bit. But for some reason, it made me very sad not to be able to peak in on her, sleeping peacefully, after midnight.
So next year, we'll make a choice that includes her, even if it means just staying home.
The superstition of ringing in the New Year is that you spend the year with whomever you ring it in with. So, symbolically, I made a choice that put friends over family. And I felt pretty sad about it.
Of course, I'll spend most of my year with Little Bit. But for some reason, it made me very sad not to be able to peak in on her, sleeping peacefully, after midnight.
So next year, we'll make a choice that includes her, even if it means just staying home.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Feast of the Holy Family Day
I'm not Catholic, but all my friends are. Except for one, who's Jewish. I'm not sure how I wound up with all Catholic friends, particularly when you consider that growing up I knew a grand total of one Catholic, plus my uncle and aunt who had only recently converted and so didn't seem to really count. But that's what happened.
Still, I'd never heard of the Feast of the Holy Family Day, which happens to be the Sunday between the New Year and Christmas. In other words: Today. What do you do on the Feast of the Holy Family Day? Here's what the Manila Bulletin says:
There's a lot more to it, but these were the parts with more universal appeal. I like the idea of having a day after Christmas and before the New Year to focus on the family.
Family | Family Holidays | Religion
Still, I'd never heard of the Feast of the Holy Family Day, which happens to be the Sunday between the New Year and Christmas. In other words: Today. What do you do on the Feast of the Holy Family Day? Here's what the Manila Bulletin says:
Today is a good time to remember our family and pray for our human and spiritual lives. The festivity also gives us time to reflect on the value and sanctity of the family unit. ...As parents, we must be thankful that we are blessed with children. ...The feast also reminds children to obey and respect their parents at all times. It is a good opportunity for us to forgive those who wronged us and ask the forgiveness of those we offended. We must avoid behavior which is contrary to God’s Divine plan for the family. We must also address conditions which have negative effects on the family, like poverty, lack of health care, hunger, and other political and social justice concerns.
There's a lot more to it, but these were the parts with more universal appeal. I like the idea of having a day after Christmas and before the New Year to focus on the family.
Family | Family Holidays | Religion
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Greetings for Wednesday
Today is the second day of Kwanzaa and the principle of the day is self-determination.
My favorite family story today is about Virtual Family Dinners. This is a fascinating idea that goes beyond videoconferencing. The system is designed for elderly family members who all-too-often eat alone. It would detect when they sit down to dinner and alert a family member who's available to chat with them. They'd be able to see each other and chat.
According to a doctor interviewed in the story, there are health benefits to eating with others. Potentially, this could increase the health of elderly family members and postpone hospitalization or the need for out of home care.
We're still about two years from seeing this on the shelves, but it's cost is estimated at between $500 and $1,000 per household.
This week, we're talking about family resolutions and other ways to celebrate the New Year as a family. This will be slightly hypocritical of me, as I plan to celebrate with friends after dropping Little Bit off at Grandmas. But before then and New Year's Day, I figure there will be plenty of opportunities for a family celebration.
Stay tuned...
Technorati | Family in the News | Elderly | Family Dinner
My favorite family story today is about Virtual Family Dinners. This is a fascinating idea that goes beyond videoconferencing. The system is designed for elderly family members who all-too-often eat alone. It would detect when they sit down to dinner and alert a family member who's available to chat with them. They'd be able to see each other and chat.
According to a doctor interviewed in the story, there are health benefits to eating with others. Potentially, this could increase the health of elderly family members and postpone hospitalization or the need for out of home care.
We're still about two years from seeing this on the shelves, but it's cost is estimated at between $500 and $1,000 per household.
This week, we're talking about family resolutions and other ways to celebrate the New Year as a family. This will be slightly hypocritical of me, as I plan to celebrate with friends after dropping Little Bit off at Grandmas. But before then and New Year's Day, I figure there will be plenty of opportunities for a family celebration.
Stay tuned...
Technorati | Family in the News | Elderly | Family Dinner
Kwanzaa
I have a confession: I am not black. And nobody in my family is black. So I have no qualifications for discussing Kwanzaa.
However, I am a reporter, which means I'm very experienced at talking about things which I know nothing. So here goes...
Kwanzaa can be celebrated as a community, but it is frequently celebrated in families - hence the coverage here. It begins after Christmas and runs for seven days, with a different principle featured each night. I love this idea and the principles are well-worth contemplating:
Night 1: Unity
Night 2: Self-determination
Night 3: Collective work and responsibility
Night 4: Cooperative economics
Night 5: Purpose
Night 6: Creativity
Night 7: Faith
eHow offers a great guide for Kwanzaa, with tips for celebrating, decorating, and Kwanzaa for kids. Wikipedia explains the history of Kwanzaa, noting that this holiday is celebrated almost exclusively in the U.S. You can also read some of the criticisms of the holiday on Wikipedia. Kwanzaa apparently upsets some people - but then again, some people are just easily upset. I like what this blog - on BlackParentMovement.com - has to say about it.
There are lots of online crafts that children can do - or adults can do and pretend their children are doing them - if you're into that kind of thing. Obviously, I am not. So I found this much more practical and educational list for ways families with chidlren can mark the holiday.
If you're curious about whether or not it's appropriate to celebrate Kwanzaa if you're not an African American, here's what the Official Kwanzaa site says: Maybe - it depends. You can read it for yourself if you want details.
For more information about Kwanzaa, visit the Official Kwanzaa site or the MelaNet Kwanzaa Information Center
Family | Kwanzaa| Holidays
However, I am a reporter, which means I'm very experienced at talking about things which I know nothing. So here goes...
Kwanzaa can be celebrated as a community, but it is frequently celebrated in families - hence the coverage here. It begins after Christmas and runs for seven days, with a different principle featured each night. I love this idea and the principles are well-worth contemplating:
Night 1: Unity
Night 2: Self-determination
Night 3: Collective work and responsibility
Night 4: Cooperative economics
Night 5: Purpose
Night 6: Creativity
Night 7: Faith
eHow offers a great guide for Kwanzaa, with tips for celebrating, decorating, and Kwanzaa for kids. Wikipedia explains the history of Kwanzaa, noting that this holiday is celebrated almost exclusively in the U.S. You can also read some of the criticisms of the holiday on Wikipedia. Kwanzaa apparently upsets some people - but then again, some people are just easily upset. I like what this blog - on BlackParentMovement.com - has to say about it.
There are lots of online crafts that children can do - or adults can do and pretend their children are doing them - if you're into that kind of thing. Obviously, I am not. So I found this much more practical and educational list for ways families with chidlren can mark the holiday.
If you're curious about whether or not it's appropriate to celebrate Kwanzaa if you're not an African American, here's what the Official Kwanzaa site says: Maybe - it depends. You can read it for yourself if you want details.
For more information about Kwanzaa, visit the Official Kwanzaa site or the MelaNet Kwanzaa Information Center
Family | Kwanzaa| Holidays
Pyschology Today Explains Holiday Family Troubles.
Why do we put so much pressure on the holidays? Why is it so hard to be around people we love and with whom we share DNA?
Here's a real answer, from Psychology Today. Fascinating stuff. It covers blended families, negotiating Christmas after marriage, and Christmas when only one person in the marriage is a Christian. It also explains why your siblings and you resort to being 10 again!
This piece is from 1998, but is very illuminating. Unfortunately, it doesn't offer a lot of promise for better during your next big family holiday.
Family | Holidays| Psychology
Here's a real answer, from Psychology Today. Fascinating stuff. It covers blended families, negotiating Christmas after marriage, and Christmas when only one person in the marriage is a Christian. It also explains why your siblings and you resort to being 10 again!
This piece is from 1998, but is very illuminating. Unfortunately, it doesn't offer a lot of promise for better during your next big family holiday.
Family | Holidays| Psychology
Sunday, December 24, 2006
The Forgotten Families of the First Christmas
I've probably focused too much on negative aspects of Christmas for a blog about family. That's because I think there are plenty of expectations for families during the holidays. During the other 345 days of neglecting our families, I'll be more positive.
But it's also because this is a hard season for many families.
For me, it's hard because I should be just six weeks from giving birth to our second child. But during the second trimester, the baby died in utero. I thought I'd worked through most of the grief, that I'd accepted it. But much of my grief has resurfaced during this celebration of a baby's birthday.
I also have some close friends who lost their four month old to SIDs this year. I'm betting Christmas isn't that joyful for them, either.
I guess that's why this year, I find myself thinking of the unnamed families in the Nativity story:
-Matthew 2: 16-18
So when we rejoice with Mary and Joseph, let us also remember the children of Bethlehem, the children who didn't live.
Family | Christmas | Bible
But it's also because this is a hard season for many families.
For me, it's hard because I should be just six weeks from giving birth to our second child. But during the second trimester, the baby died in utero. I thought I'd worked through most of the grief, that I'd accepted it. But much of my grief has resurfaced during this celebration of a baby's birthday.
I also have some close friends who lost their four month old to SIDs this year. I'm betting Christmas isn't that joyful for them, either.
I guess that's why this year, I find myself thinking of the unnamed families in the Nativity story:
Then Herod, when he saw that he had been tricked by the wise men, was in a furious rage, and he sent and killed all the male children in Bethlehem and in all that region who were two years old or under, according to the time which he had ascertained from the wise men. Then was fulfilled what was spoken by the prophet Jeremiah:
"A voice was heard in Ramah,
wailing and loud lamentation,
Rachel weeping for her children;
she refused to be consoled,
because they were no more."
-Matthew 2: 16-18
So when we rejoice with Mary and Joseph, let us also remember the children of Bethlehem, the children who didn't live.
Family | Christmas | Bible
How to Have a Festivus Christmas
Want to ruin Christmas? Here's how: Do and say all of the things you've been dying to do and say all these years. That's right: Tell them off, give the snappy comebacks, and storm off to show how mad you really are. It'll be a Christmas to remember - your bad manners, according to this article, titled Dreaming of Norman Rockwell but having holidays with family.
And for more uplifting Christmas news, here's a fun roundup of family Christmas traditions, posted by real people. I notice a lot of happy family celebrations involve movies or church and food. Coincidence? You decide.
Family | Christmas | Festivus
Surviving Relatives During Christmas
It's no secret that I don't think you should hang around toxic relatives, even if it is the holidays. Have the strength to cut your losses and create a family that loves you, I say.
But sometimes it's not so black and white. Sometimes, we may be uncomfortable around our family, but still love them. We may be struggling for acceptance during a new phase of our life or we may just not have the relationship we really want - but that doesn't mean we want to walk away.
Or you may care very much for some family members, but seeing them means you have to see toxic relatives you'd rather ignore.
What to do?
A Better You Blog offers this article on "How to Get Along with Family." I particularly like Number 2, which reminds you to Be Protective - to guard your children, yourself and your heart. The others aren't bad, but I think this is the one we actually forget in our rush to "get along."
You can also read my blog entry on Toxic Relatives from Thanksgiving, which offers a few more links on dealing with toxic family members.
Family | Surviving the Holidays
But sometimes it's not so black and white. Sometimes, we may be uncomfortable around our family, but still love them. We may be struggling for acceptance during a new phase of our life or we may just not have the relationship we really want - but that doesn't mean we want to walk away.
Or you may care very much for some family members, but seeing them means you have to see toxic relatives you'd rather ignore.
What to do?
A Better You Blog offers this article on "How to Get Along with Family." I particularly like Number 2, which reminds you to Be Protective - to guard your children, yourself and your heart. The others aren't bad, but I think this is the one we actually forget in our rush to "get along."
You can also read my blog entry on Toxic Relatives from Thanksgiving, which offers a few more links on dealing with toxic family members.
Family | Surviving the Holidays
Christmas prayers
It's Christmas Eve this Sunday. For Christians, this makes for a busy day - in addition to finishing your shopping, attending any family events and Christmas Eve service, you also have to fit in Sunday morning service. For reasons beyond my understanding, members of my immediate family will be attending three services tomorrow, two of which they'll participate. It kinda happened accidentially.
In honor of Christmas, this week's prayers are Christmas prayers.
Here's a simple prayer that could helpful to recite on Christmas Eve, when you may be busy with preparations for the big day:
As Jesus brought peace, turn us into peacemakers.
As Jesus brought hope, make us messengers of hope.
As Jesus brought love, rekindle love in us
So that the birth of the baby in Bethlehem
May bring a new beginning to our own lives.
Amen.
The second Christmas prayer was written by Robert Louis Stevenson, who is best known for writing Treasure Island, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and Kidnapped.
A Christmas Prayer by Robert Louis Stevenson
Loving Father, Help us remember the birth of Jesus,
that we may share in the song of the angels,
the gladness of the shepherds,
and worship of the wise men.
Close the door of hate and open the door of love all over the world. Let kindness come with every gift and good desires with every greeting. Deliver us from evil by the blessing which Christ brings, and teach us to be merry with clear hearts.
May the Christmas morning make us happy to be thy children, and Christmas evening bring us to our beds with grateful thoughts, forgiving and forgiven, for Jesus' sake. Amen.
And finally, here's a nice prayer for before the opening of Christmas present:
Lord Jesus, Wise men travelled for miles to bring you the first Christmas presents. So may we, too, remember with thankful hearts the love that comes with each present we open. We also thank you for the amazing love you have for each of us, and we thank you for the many gifts that you give us. Amen
For more Christmas prayers, vist:
The UK Prayer Guide
Collective Worship
Christmas | prayer | Family
In honor of Christmas, this week's prayers are Christmas prayers.
Here's a simple prayer that could helpful to recite on Christmas Eve, when you may be busy with preparations for the big day:
As Jesus brought peace, turn us into peacemakers.
As Jesus brought hope, make us messengers of hope.
As Jesus brought love, rekindle love in us
So that the birth of the baby in Bethlehem
May bring a new beginning to our own lives.
Amen.
The second Christmas prayer was written by Robert Louis Stevenson, who is best known for writing Treasure Island, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and Kidnapped.
A Christmas Prayer by Robert Louis Stevenson
Loving Father, Help us remember the birth of Jesus,
that we may share in the song of the angels,
the gladness of the shepherds,
and worship of the wise men.
Close the door of hate and open the door of love all over the world. Let kindness come with every gift and good desires with every greeting. Deliver us from evil by the blessing which Christ brings, and teach us to be merry with clear hearts.
May the Christmas morning make us happy to be thy children, and Christmas evening bring us to our beds with grateful thoughts, forgiving and forgiven, for Jesus' sake. Amen.
And finally, here's a nice prayer for before the opening of Christmas present:
Lord Jesus, Wise men travelled for miles to bring you the first Christmas presents. So may we, too, remember with thankful hearts the love that comes with each present we open. We also thank you for the amazing love you have for each of us, and we thank you for the many gifts that you give us. Amen
For more Christmas prayers, vist:
Christmas | prayer | Family
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Taking a Christmas Time Out
If you've noticed I missed a few days posting, I have a good reason: My family gave ourselves a Christmas time out.
The shopping was more or less done, the stockings were hung, Hubby had a few days off, and my stress level was through the roof. So we decided to leave town. I called and booked the Splash and Discover package - it includes a night at the Holiday Inn North at the Pyramids, passes to Caribbean Cove Water Park - an indoor water park located inside the hotel - and tickets to the Children's Museum in nearby Indianapolis.
The water park was nice - not great, but nice. If we had older children, it would've been great. But the preschool play area was a bit cold for Little One, so we ran back and forth between the play area and the hot tub. We did spend a lot of time drifting in the Lazy River - which was warmer. And Hubby said the slides were fun. But I think we might have been just as happy with an indoor swimming pool.
That said, the hotel was very family friendly. There were several places for families to eat, including a snack area where you could eat while still wearing your bathing suit. My favorite feature was the children's room, which had a TV where they could watch movies and craft area. There was a man in there who obviously isn't used to being around children, though - instead of trying to get the children involved, he just watched TV and would answer questions if asked. The cool part about this is they had all these games and puzzles you could check out and take to your room. We tried Don't Break the Ice, which was a huge hit with Little Bit.
There were also pool tables, foos-ball tables, a mini-golf putting area and a ping-pong table - and all of these tables actually had the paddles, sticks, clubs and balls you needed to play them. Families were busy playing games everywhere. It was nice - more hotels should offer these features.
Plus, kids eat free if the adults purchase a meal. So that was a nice financial break for us.
Of course, Little Bit loved staying in a hotel and being able to watch TV in bed. She loved sleeping with us - and let me say, in a king bed, Hubby and I had what amounted to a very small sleeping-bag worth of space and Little Bit took all the rest of the bed. How can something so tiny need so much space?!?
But the best part of the trip was the Children's Museum. If you're within a day's drive, go visit it. It is simply amazing. Seriously - it's better for children than Disney World, and I'm not the only one who's said so. My friend did, too, so it must be true.
This place is A-MAZ-ING. No matter what your child's age, they'll love this place. Heck, we even saw a few college students on dates here. It is beyond fun.
Little Bit's favorite thing was the Dinosaur exhibit where children could dress as Dinos and sit on Dinosaur eggs - soft, stuffed eggs, but also hard eggs in huge nests on the floor. She took this very seriously. We were there at least 40 minutes, the most of which she spent spread out over the eggs, protecting three football sized soft eggs from a young Raptor boy who kept threatening to steal her eggs. We could only leave when he and his mother packed up and left the area. Then it still took another five minutes for me to convince her that someone else would sit on her eggs.
By the way, the Best Santa Ever also holds court here. He actually got Little Bit to sit on his lap without crying by telling her he wanted to see how much she'd grown since last year. She didn't smile - but for once, she didn't cry.
Did I mention the Carousel?
I'm not even going to try to cover everything that was wonderful about this place. Seriously, better than Disney. It must be the most child-friendly place in the world - and it's huge! They even have a planetarium and a real train engine inside.
But the best part is we're going into Christmas rested, relaxed and happy, with at least one good memory already in place. I'm thinking we might try to do something like this every year. It's nice to take time for just our small family.
What do you do during the holidays to take time for your immediate family? Let me know by emailing me at loraine.lawson at gmail.com or post your comments below.
Christmas | Vacation | Family
The shopping was more or less done, the stockings were hung, Hubby had a few days off, and my stress level was through the roof. So we decided to leave town. I called and booked the Splash and Discover package - it includes a night at the Holiday Inn North at the Pyramids, passes to Caribbean Cove Water Park - an indoor water park located inside the hotel - and tickets to the Children's Museum in nearby Indianapolis.
The water park was nice - not great, but nice. If we had older children, it would've been great. But the preschool play area was a bit cold for Little One, so we ran back and forth between the play area and the hot tub. We did spend a lot of time drifting in the Lazy River - which was warmer. And Hubby said the slides were fun. But I think we might have been just as happy with an indoor swimming pool.
That said, the hotel was very family friendly. There were several places for families to eat, including a snack area where you could eat while still wearing your bathing suit. My favorite feature was the children's room, which had a TV where they could watch movies and craft area. There was a man in there who obviously isn't used to being around children, though - instead of trying to get the children involved, he just watched TV and would answer questions if asked. The cool part about this is they had all these games and puzzles you could check out and take to your room. We tried Don't Break the Ice, which was a huge hit with Little Bit.
There were also pool tables, foos-ball tables, a mini-golf putting area and a ping-pong table - and all of these tables actually had the paddles, sticks, clubs and balls you needed to play them. Families were busy playing games everywhere. It was nice - more hotels should offer these features.
Plus, kids eat free if the adults purchase a meal. So that was a nice financial break for us.
Of course, Little Bit loved staying in a hotel and being able to watch TV in bed. She loved sleeping with us - and let me say, in a king bed, Hubby and I had what amounted to a very small sleeping-bag worth of space and Little Bit took all the rest of the bed. How can something so tiny need so much space?!?
But the best part of the trip was the Children's Museum. If you're within a day's drive, go visit it. It is simply amazing. Seriously - it's better for children than Disney World, and I'm not the only one who's said so. My friend did, too, so it must be true.
This place is A-MAZ-ING. No matter what your child's age, they'll love this place. Heck, we even saw a few college students on dates here. It is beyond fun.
Little Bit's favorite thing was the Dinosaur exhibit where children could dress as Dinos and sit on Dinosaur eggs - soft, stuffed eggs, but also hard eggs in huge nests on the floor. She took this very seriously. We were there at least 40 minutes, the most of which she spent spread out over the eggs, protecting three football sized soft eggs from a young Raptor boy who kept threatening to steal her eggs. We could only leave when he and his mother packed up and left the area. Then it still took another five minutes for me to convince her that someone else would sit on her eggs.By the way, the Best Santa Ever also holds court here. He actually got Little Bit to sit on his lap without crying by telling her he wanted to see how much she'd grown since last year. She didn't smile - but for once, she didn't cry.
Did I mention the Carousel?
I'm not even going to try to cover everything that was wonderful about this place. Seriously, better than Disney. It must be the most child-friendly place in the world - and it's huge! They even have a planetarium and a real train engine inside.
But the best part is we're going into Christmas rested, relaxed and happy, with at least one good memory already in place. I'm thinking we might try to do something like this every year. It's nice to take time for just our small family.
What do you do during the holidays to take time for your immediate family? Let me know by emailing me at loraine.lawson at gmail.com or post your comments below.
Christmas | Vacation | Family
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