No Time For Anything

Lately, I've had no time for anything. It's been all work, work, work. And sick, sick, sick. And no sleeping.

I did manage to spare some time to do a craft with my daughter yesterday, after taking her shopping to get the craft - and, yes, a few scrapbook supplies for myself.

I seriously need to put the oxygen mask on myself. On airplanes, they warn parents if the oxygen mask sign comes on, they should put the mask on themselves first and then the child. That's to ensure they don't pass out. Passed out parents are no good to children or airlines.

But I forget to put the mask on myself first ALL THE TIME. I forget it when I don't eat right, get enough sleep, exercise or just take time for myself. Before I know it, I've passed out and can't take care of myself, much less my daughter, husband, the hamster, dog or house.

Today's my day to put on my oxygen mask again. Step one: Get enough sleep and water. Get back on the diet track.

A Backpack Filled with Food and More

Since I've become a parent, any story about children suffering causes me to cry. It's just unfathomable that we as a society should tolerate children being abused, neglected or hungry.

Okay - it makes sense to cry about something sad. So would somebody tell me why I teared up when I read this beautiful Shreveport Times story about a Louisiana program that makes sure children don't go hungry over the weekend?

No doubt you've read that for many children living in poverty, the only real meal of the day is often their school lunch. This is a real problem for schools, families and communities. Any parent can tell you that there are two factors certain to bring about a melt-down in any child, at any age:
1. If they haven't eaten in a few hours.
2. If they didn't get enough sleep.

If my daughter starts crying and throwing a tantrum, without fail, I can trace it back to one of these two things - and, most frequently, it's because it's because she didn't eat enough or has skipped a meal or snack.

To help, the Food Bank of Northwest Louisiana also offers dinner for children in the Ingersoll Elementary School after-school program four days out of every week. According to the article, approximately 96 percent of Ingersoll's students receive free or reduced-price lunches.

But teachers soon began to notice that children were returning to school on Monday too irritable and tired. They were pretty certain those children weren't being fed adequately over the weekend.

The Food Bank obtained a $10,000 grant from America's Second Harvest to start a new initiative called the BackPack Program. Each Friday, 85 children are given a backpack filled with seven to 10 healthy food items - all kid-friendly. They return their empty backpacks on Monday morning.

The school immediately noticed the students behaved better - decreasing behavioral problems for the school - and were more attentive Monday morning. The Shreveport Times quotes program coordinator Kimberly Page:

"If a child is hungry, you can't keep their attention. The only thing they're thinking about is what time is lunch? They're just acting better."

The Food Bank also has a unique partnership with the Shreveport Job Corps that ensures an additional 120 children are fed each day through another America's Second Harvest program, the Kid's Cafe.

Unfortunately, the grant - as many grants are - is only for launching the program. To keep it going for another year, the Food Bank will need to come up with $150 per backpack.

The article doesn't mention this, but this is a national program that originally launched in Arkansas, according to America's Second Harvest. It's offered in 39 states, plus Washington, D.C.. The program distributes up to 35,000 backpacks each week nationwide.

Donate to America's Second Harvest. Charity Navigator, which rates charities on their financial effectiveness and efficiency, gave America's Second Harvest four out of four stars. It also notes that only half a percent of their money goes to administrative expenses, 1.3 percent goes to fundraising, with a hefty 98 percent going to fund programs.

Make It Happen:

1. Here's what David Blair, who runs the Backpack Program, had to say about how to make this happen in your community or how to support a local program.
2. If you know of a child in need, help the child and family connect with these services. Remember, too, that behavior and attention problems could be an indication a child's nutritional needs aren't being met.
   
3. Contact your local food back to see if there's a Kid's Cafe. These cafes often need volunteers to serve food or just help with the children. I found a local Cafe by just googling my city, state and "Kid's Cafe." My local cafe also needed donations of paper plates, cups, napkins and dinnerware, so you may be able to make a donation if you can't volunteer.
   
4. Find out how many children are living in poverty and considered "Food Insecure" in your state by checking America's Second Harvest's Child Food Insecurity Statistics Map. Publicize these numbers by sharing them with friends, posting the information on your blog, writing a letter to your state and federal representatives, sending the stats to your clergy, a local columnist or reporter, or even putting them in your family holiday letter this year. While you're on the site, join the Hunger Action Center.
5. Support expanding the bi-partisan "Simplified Summer Food Service Program."
   

Christmas: Time to Heal?

Given my humbuggery about Thanksgiving, I suppose it's only karma that I stumbled onto this article, "The Purpose Driven Christmas," by Rick Warren, author of the Purpose Drive Life and similar titles.

One of the ways Warren suggests we add meaning to the holiday is to "Make It a Time for Personal Growth," which has a very specific meaning for him. He challenges us to look at who we need to forgive and of whom we need to ask forgiveness. He writes:

Resentment always hurts you more than the person you resent because bitterness keeps you emotionally stuck in the past. Let go of those hurts and remember this: The most valuable and significant gift you can give anyone this Christmas is your forgiveness, because it will allow you to grow.

Obviously, I've got some forgiving to do. The question for me has always been how? To tell you the truth, I've never found that real forgiveness - where you can give as you did before the injury - happens easily or often. People forgive in that they let go of the anger, but they don't give up the fear, the mistrust or the pain. I think if you're really going to forgive, you have to do that as well. And that's damn hard to do if someone keeps hurting you by doing the same thing.

Here's a little secret: I'm trying a new form of therapy that's supposed to help you do exactly this. It's called EMDR, and I started going for post-traumatic stress disorder from the Oklahoma City bombing.

I'll be honest with you: If I'd walked into a therapist's office and she tried EMDR, I'd probably walk right out or never go back. But I have a psychiatrist friend who's been using it with his patients, and he reported nigh-miracle results: People off their medicines, completely different, happy and well-adjusted in a very short time. Then a friend tried it and it seemed to work for her.

After years of struggling with depression, always being on medicine and never getting very far in therapy, despite three therapists and years of work, I thought I'd give it a try.

And it seems to be working. Really, really well. Even my husband agrees.

So far, I have been able to 'let go' of a lot of pain and anger. What's nice about that is I can come from a place of strength and resolve without feeling all ick inside about it. You know what I mean: The nervousness, the anxiety. No, in the situations where we've done EMDR, I can just be myself and feel okay and not have to worry about it. I remember everything - but it's all clearer and in perspective.

Sometimes, like over Thanksgiving, I still get knocked down, but so far, it's always been in an area where we're still doing the work or a new area I've never tackled. It turns out, some of this depression stuff goes way, way back. Surprise. Maybe when we're finished with the EMDR, I won't have to write posts about 'subtracting' family members. Although, you know, after EMDR, I really have no guilt about cutting off some very dangerous, destructive family members. Previously, it was very hard for me to opt out - I felt guilty, as if I should make it possible to see them over the holidays, even though they didn't respect our requests, our rules and even potentially were a danger to my child.

If you're really struggling to forgiveness, depression, anger or anxiety, why not find an EMDR therapist and try. Be prepared to give it at least two months before you see results. And realize that you'll actually get worse before you get better. That's what happens when you dig up bones.

Hopefully, by Christmas, I'll be able to manage some forgiveness under the tree.


Family | Family Problems | Holidays

Family Therapy Helpful for Bulimic Teens

If you've ever been to therapy - and particularly if you've ever had weight issues - you probably won't be surprised by a recent study, reported by Reuters, that found family therapy is more effective than solo therapy for helping teenagers abstain from binging and purging.

I know I wasn't.

I love my family, but no one can drive me to overeat quite like they can.

Sadly, this is the first time U.S. researchers have evaluated treatment plans for bulimia nervosa in teens. The family-based therapy was broken into three phases:
Phase one: Patients and parents meet weekly for a therapist tot ry to help the parents stop their children from engaging in binging and purging. This phase lasts 2-3 months, according to the article.
Phase two: Begins only after success with stage one. In this stage, the family meets with a therapist every other week and the goal is to put give control over 'eating issues' back to the teen.
Phase three: Therapy is moved to once a month and they attempt to address how the eating disorder affects development processes.

The results beat solo therapy: Thirty-nine percent of the 41 patients in family-based therapy were completely abstaining from bulimic behavior, according to the story. Only 18 percent of the 39 bulimics who tried solo therapy had stopped binging and purging.

This family-based approach, called the Maudlsey approach, has also been used effectively to treat anorexia. You can find therapists who specialize in this approach online at Maudsleyparents.org.

Bulimic | Family Therapy | Mental Health | Weight |

We Try It: The YMCA's Healthy Kids Day

Nationally, the YMCA's Healthy Kids Day will be April 14. But for some reason, our Metro Y decided to host the event earlier.

We were pretty excited to have a free, family-friendly event. As it turned out, a lot of people felt the same. And by "a lot," I mean thousands. A half hour past the start time, there was still a line just to get into the stadium parking lot! And a line to get into the stadium, where the event was held.

My first thought: Wrong day. There must be a game.

But then I saw the tiny yard signs indicating that, no, this was the right day. And yes, all these people were here for the YMCA Healthy Kids Day.

So, my first advice: Go early. Or go very late.

As it turned out, the Y staff was just as dumbfounded at the turnout as we were. Who knew there were that many families looking for fun all on the same day? Maybe it was the free t-shirts - which apparently ran out immediately - or the offer of free food -ice cream gone in the first hour, apples gone in the second. But it seemed like every kid in my city came.

The activities were cleary designed for a smaller crowd. The dance and jump rope demonstrations were sidewalk level, which caused a traffic jam with a lot of people standing around, unable to see. The karate demonstration, held on a sloping hill, was a bit easier to see, but it was a bit unorganized and, well, slow, so nobody paid much attention.

There was a half hour line at least for the three blow-up bouncers. We dutifully stood in line with our one child, who, when faced with the grinning catepillar bouncing maze, said, "I don't want to go," and started putting her shoes back on.

Inside the stadium, we found a relay race of some sort. Unfortunately, you couldn't just jump in. The teams were set up ahead of time, which was a huge disappointment to me. Also, the children all seemed to be in the late elementary range, which cut out a huge chunk of the child population.

There were some games involving a football and bean bags, but they only had one of each, which translated into long lines.

The police and firefighters brought their usual State Fair trucks for children to learn about fire drills and meth labs. We had to leave the police truck, because the pictures were a bit horrific for a four-year-old: What does it teach my child to see a toddler with third degree burns from a meth-lab accident? Don't hang out with bad parents? And do parents who run meth-labs go to health fairs? Do they take their kids anywhere near the state police? I dont' think so.

The bicycle obstacle course seemed fun, although, again, too old for my child. And no way was she going anywhere near a fire drill.

It wasn't the best time we've had. And I didn't feel like we learned anything about how to become more active as a family or how to make sure our child gets enough exercise. I mean, I knew there were places we could take karate!

But we did get a lot of free stuff: Two toothbrushes, two packets of peanuts, two cheese sticks - notice a pattern here? They also had lots of free water, which was really smart, especially since they apparently built this stadium without waterfountains.

Final verdict: For us, the best part was people watching and the wonderful weather. We'd also never seen the city's new stadium, so that was interesting. But overall, we wished we'd gone for a hike at a park.

This event offered little for families with young children or teens. It was designed almost exclusviely for the elementary age bracket.

Hopefully, in the future or perhaps at other locations, the Y will find ways to involve children of all ages. It'd also be nice if it were more family-oriented. Let's face it: In cities, which is where the Y tends to operate, children aren't going to be out and exercising if their parents are inside on the couch.

Y We'll Be at Healthy Kids Day Celebration

There's a lot to do this weekend. Catching up on this blog could take me the better part of Saturday AND Sunday.

But, of course, there's really no 'catching up' with blogs.

So, instead, I plan to spend Saturday cleaning, but on Sunday, we're headed downtown for the YMCA Healthy Kids Day celebration.

Officially, YMCA Healthy Kids Day is April 14, but for some reason, our YMCA is holding it early - so I'll be able to give you a sneak preview of what to expect.

Locally, the agenda includes healthy snacks, dance and maritial arts demonstrations - hopefully, the children will be able to participate as well, inflatables and a short run. Local athletes are also schedule to appear.

I must say, this meets all of my criteria for a family event: It's active, educational, fun, and, not only is the event free, there's free food!

Plus, it meets my goal of getting us off the couch and moving!

We'll try it and report back on Monday!

Raising a Heart-Healthy Child

While researching heart disease for a client, I stumbled across a great resource for families from the American Heart Association. This page for parents offers great tips for improving your child's health, from steps you can take to get your child moving - even your non-athlete - to tips for healthy fast food meals.

I particularly like the tips on dealing with a picky eater. My first step will be to reclaim our dinner table as a dinner table. Right now, it's where we do all our coloring, painting and computer work. (Ick!)

If your child does have a heart condition, be sure to check out the Disease, Conditions and Treatment page, which includes a nice section called "Ask the Pediatric Cardiologist."

While you're there, you might as well read up on what you can do to protect yourself and your SO from heart disease. Here's a few tips, though, in case you're too busy to peruse the site:

• Stop smoking and don't hang around smokers
• Eat low-fat dairy
• Avoid saturated fats
• The new recommendations for exercise: 60-90 minutes on most days if you're overweight!
• Lose weight

When Last We Spoke: Goals for the 2007

Before this year began, I identified six New Year's goals for myself and my family. Wonder how I'm doing on those goals?

Well. May I speak frankly?

Not so well. The truth is, I've been very depressed the past few months. I believe this is leftover emotions from the miscarriage. But, finally, I'm feeling better. And I'm much more interested in doing things and living life again. So, I'm not beating myself up for just now getting to my goals. And I hope you won't either.

Now, back to the goals:
My first goal was simple: Show the Love.

I believe I've made progress on this. I cook more for my family. I give more spontaneous hugs. I never pass up a chance to rock my Little Bit - I know the days of that are numbered and I don't want to miss any opportunity. In the afternoons, we often rock and read five or six books at a sitting. It's fabulous. I believe my attitude has shifted and our family atmosphere is more congenial and pleasant. Though I do wish I had an extra bucket of patience for my four-year-old's boundary testing. Sometimes, her attitude makes us all a bit grouchy. Perhaps I should explain that to her?

Goal two: Build Family Identity. What I meant by this was to do chores, family dinner and other tasks together as a family. I also included doing activities that would reflect the values we wanted to instill in our child.

This is where I've really dropped the ball. While my hubby and I often eat together, we don't make our daughter sit down with us because I haven't paid attention to her snack times and she's snacked so much she's full. I also haven't enforced cleaning up together well.

As for volunteering, well, that fell of the face of the earth. It's really hard to find a way to volunteer with a preschooler. And I haven't had the energy. I still do want to send some of her old toys overseas, but we haven't had a chance to go through them. That sounds like a good plan for this week.

Goal Three: Become a Healthy Family. Wow. Have we totally neglected this. As a result, my husband and I are heavier and Little Bit isn't getting the exercise she needs. We are, however, being more diligent about sleep. Now that spring's surfacing, I hope we'll make a quick recovery here!

Goal Four: Widen Our Family Circle. We've been discussing them. I am trying to cultivate a few friendships more, but really, there hasn't been the energy or the wellness, (cold & flu season makes everyone stay in more). We still do our Thursday night dinners, though.

Goal Five: Be a Financially Responsible Family. This is where I've really done the work. We're on a budget using the old fashioned envelope system for things where we tend to overspend - dining out, auto fuel, (because we tack on snacks at the station), and entertainment. We're also saving more and cutting back on unfulfilling expenses. Part of this goal was to write a will. I'm pleased to report we've found an attorney to do our will - now we just need to get our tax refund so we can pay for it!

And the last goal: Create a Family-Friendly Home. We're trying some experiments here. Nothing major - just moving things around, putting toys in places where the family hangs out, moving the TV downstairs so it isn't the center of our life. I'm working on a backyard garden that will be a great place for my child to play. So, progress.

I'd love ideas for how I can achieve these goals.

The Flu

Boy, nothing, I mean nothing, tests your family's ability to be together like sickness. Today, I actually asked my husband if he still had a job and our daughter wondered out loud, "Why Daddy isn't going out in the world?"

Our family's had the flu. Not the so-called stomach-flu, which is actually a different virus, but the congestion, in your chest, hacking and draining, body aching Flu.

For some reason, Little Bit didn't get sick. Which meant we had to do tag-team parenting, alternating naps and Dora-watching, until my mother finally caught on to all my hints and picked up Little Bit to bring to her house. Finally, we both got the sleep we needed. I picked up Little Bit and felt better....except not completely better. Just well enough to get up and make myself sick again. And apparently, Hubby's in the same boat. He went to work yesterday only to come home mid-day, hacking up a lung. I guess they'd rather he do that at home.

After a few vacation days, Christmas, a week of mourning, a funeral and now sickness - well, we're getting a lot of family togetherness in. It's kinda nice, having everyone home, but much of it consists of us being miserable and watching too much TV. Not exactly what you picture in the days before you give birth, but then again, that's the beauty of family: Good, bad, thick, thin, that's who sees it through with you.

Family | Flu

Stop Reinfection after Illness

Hubby and I have some sort of cold, which reminded me of a favorite tip that will keep your family from catching the same bugs over and over.

Whenever you're sick, as soon as you start to feel better, replace your toothbrush. You can buy toothbrushes for around $1 each - so why not?

If you want to save the money or you really like your toothbrush, you can also microwave it for 10 seconds or, especially if it's electric, let it soak in mouthwash. Either of these options will kill the germs and stop reinfection.

Family | Health

Schedules and Family

Shortly after setting my New Year's Resolutions, I realized if I wanted to achieve any of them, I need to be a bit less random in how I go about my life. So, this month, I'm focusing on creating schedules and routines, both for myself and my family.

The problem is, I don't like a regimented life. I tend to rebel against any imposed schedule after the first week. But sometimes, we need schedules to bring order to our lives. My challenge will be to create routines that aren't overly rigid, but short and manageable.

So, even though I'm coming down with a cold and felt horrible today, I drug myself out of bed at 7 to write this morning. I didn't get a ton done, but I did get something done. That's one thing less I'll have to do while Little Bit is up and about or after my husband comes home.

Then, when my Little Bit awoke an hour later - after our standard cuddle time - I made her breakfast and coaxed her into eating. She wants to wait to eat breakfast - most of us do - but it's important to jump start your metabolism to eat as soon as you're up, according to my weight loss doctor. Plus, if we eat together, I can make sure we eat within 2-4 hours. By timing our food, I can make sure we don't get so hungry we will eat anything we can grab.

Now for the laundry...

Family | Family Routines |
Healthy Eating

Resolutions for a Better Family

Resolutions have gotten a bad rap. Many of my friends have abandoned them all together, saying they never keep them anyway. I think that's because they're taking an all-or-nothing approach to resolutions.

The New Year is the perfect time to reflect upon our lives. It's a natural pause after the holidays and before the daily grind continues to audit what's working and what's not in your life. The problem is, too many people make resolutions without a plan and then expect to wake up magically transformed - or blessed with an abundance of willpower - on New Year's Day. They keep their resolutions for a few days and then if they fail, they give up - certain that change is impossible.

Instead of viewing your resolution as a succeed/fail proposition, view the resolution as setting your intentions for the year - the whole year. For instance, if you want to lose weight, you could outline a plan for doing so and give it your best. If you hate it, don't abandon the goal - abandon the plan and find a new one. But stay dedicated to finding a way to accomplish your goal.

It's also helpful if you set quarterly evaluations. My birthday falls in late spring, so I usually naturally renew my resolutions then. And our anniversary is in late summer, so that's another natural time for us to review our goals for the year.

One of my resolutions for the coming year is to create rituals for my own family. I hope to have some that include extended family and friends - perhaps a game night or something of that order - but mostly I want to focus on our little family of four, (counting Miss Priss the Dog, of course).

While holiday traditions are important, I think it's even more significant to have random and weekly rituals. We could also be more focused about adding a few reliable, daily routines - reading a story before bedtime as a family, eating dinner together or going for a family walk, for instance.I also want us to become more active as a family. Hmmm....I'm starting to see the beginning of a weekly ritual that unites both goals.

On a website called Family Education, they recommend you keep a monthly diary of family goals. One way to do this is to use you camcorder and record each family member talking about the resolutions. Check in every month with an update and then review what you said the month before. This would be great for those trying to lose weight, since they could actually see the transformation over the course of the year.

Or you can check in here each month. To stay focused, I'll be blogging regularly about our family's goals in the coming year.

More information:

• Five Resolutions for a Closer Family
• A newsletter - a pdf - on creating Family New Years Resolutions
• Resolutions that will help you create a healthier family in the New Year
• 10 Healthy Family Resolutions
• Dr. Phil's advice on Setting Family Resolutions. This thorough article offers guideance for greating your own resolutions, plus suggestions for how to make family a priority.

Resolutions | Goals | Family | New Years

Family Dinner

Each Tuesday, my goal is to commit myself to a family dinner menu plan. I'm not a cook, so don't expect much.

Tuesday: I defrosted hamburger patties (Laura's sells them premade in a box), so it's hamburgers on a lite bread, (low-carb diet for me), with green beans and salad - vegetables Little One will eat. She always wants french fries, so if we go to the store, I may buy the bakeable crinkles, which are low in fat.

Wednesday: I've also defrosted chicken thighs - which I've never cooked before. They were cheaper than breasts and since I'm low-carbing it, the fat isn't as important. And as is typical of me, I thought I had a recipe for them - but I don't. So here's my dirty little cooking secret: Google. I type in "chicken thighs," low carb, easy. You've got to put the chicken thighs in quotes or it gives you every kind of chicken. And I've found my recipe: Basil Lemon Chicken. I just need to pick up Basil, maybe a lemon and yogurt.

There's also Chicken Thighs with Garlic and Lime. I have the ingredients for this recipe, so we'll call that Plan B - or next week's Wednesday dinner.

I'll make some rice for the family and, once again, it'll be green beans and salad. What can I say? Little One is picky.

Apparently, I can just bake them, so I may do that.

Thursday: We usually eat out with friends. But just in case, I'm defrosting a pot roast. Normally, we'd do fish, but I want to make soup over the weekend. I got a hankering. I'll make it in the crock pot with carrots and potatoes. My mother - a genius of economy - uses canned carrots and canned potatoes, and it tastes fantastic.

Friday: Pot roast - depending on what happened Thursday - or soup and cheese sandwiches.

Saturday: Nutty Oven Fried Fish. The recipe for this is in "Saving Dinner the Low-Carb Way," a fantastic resource for families. The Saving Dinner books are divided into weeks by season. Each week includes a grocery list, with optional side items, so you can just copy it and go if you're not picky. We may have the soup and sandwiches and save this for next week.

Sunday: Sunday is Christmas Eve. We'll be doing a lot of running, so I'm going with a crock pot recipe. The Fix It Lightly and Forget It cookbook offers an "Easy and Delicious Turkey Breast" recipe that's turky, cranberry sauce, a dry onion soup mix and OJ. That's for dinner.

I do need to plan ahead and have a low-carb breakfast casserole for Monday morning.

Monday: Christmas Day. I'll need to check in with my mother about what to bring. We'll have a huge lunch, so we'll probably have leftovers for dinner or sandwiches. Or maybe we'll do scrambled eggs and pancakes!

Family | Family Dinner

The Merits of Turtles

When you have tons to do, you're probably tempted to move like the hare: Relentlessly fast, followed by periods of total collapse.

Meanwhile, the turtle creeps on steadily, surely, slowly.

Everybody knows the morale: Sure and steady wins the race. I tend to interpret the fable as telling us to be as consistent as a turtle, without the arrogance of the rabbit. But in practice, I try to move at the speed of the rabbit, with the consistency of the turtle.

But isn't that the real point? The rabbit needs to rest because he's running so much. The turtle can keep going because he goes slowly. That's the lesson I should actually be applying to my life.

Did you know that turtles do not age? They sometimes even stop their heart from beating - they just don't need it to race around like we do. What kills turtles isn't cells aging, but disease and predators.

My father likes to say that my mother moves as slow as a turtle, but gets more done than anyone he knows. And it's true. She doesn't rush or hurry, but she's consistent and thorough and she gets tons done every day. She even takes time for an afternoon rest.

This week, I challenge you to summon your inner turtle, particularly with your family. When your toddler wants to stop to examine the frost on the porch, pause with her. Don't hurry your preschooler just because you've got five stores to visit in two hours - instead, find a way to cut back on the stores you'll visit.

Slow down. You might just give yourself and your family the peace we spend so much time talking about during Christmas.

Technorati | Holidays | Family

Everybody Relax

We've been running most of the weekend and we're exhausted. There are 1,000 things to do: Christmas shopping, house cleaning, cards to mail, gifts to buy, church activities, friends to call, exercise.

But sometimes, what your family really needs is time at home to chill. So that's what we're doing this afternoon. Relaxing.

This is a stressful time of year, even if everything is perfect in your life. And if life has handed you some turmoil, well, it can be downright overwhelming.

Here's the fix: Be gentle with yourself. Relax. Then, later in the week, buy everybody who's left on your list a gift certificate from the same restaurant.

Family | Family Health |

The Good Life

Some days, I feel great. I'm grateful for life, enjoy my daughter, love my friends and family, I enjoy what I'm doing. I get things done but don't freak out.

And then there are the many other days when I just want to crawl into bed. I resent everything, I'm overly grumpy, etc.

Sounds like depression, right? True. But I'm on an anti-depressant. What I've found, beyond medication, is that there are certain things I do that can contribute to or detract from my contentment. Here are my rules for creating the good life:

1. Limit TV. I love TV. And I am highly skeptical of people who want me to live without it. But I have found my joy level falls if I watch more than 1-2 hours of TV. Mindless TV viewing is a joy-kill for me. I do it sometimes, because I'm tired or lazy or just can't handle much else. But it never makes me feel better. In fact, if I'm feeling good, it will seep the energy from me.

2. Same for the Internet. Too much time online = discontented me.

3. Too much caffeine. I love coffee, but some mornings now, I have decaff because I've learned even one cup of coffee can jack up my anxiety level. Other mornings, one or two cups are perfect to perk me up and help me get going. But if I drink even half a cup more without thinking...I get very edgy, and that makes for bad parenting.

4. Doing anything makes me feel better. If I can get just one thing done each day, I'll feel better. Even if it's just a load of laundry or one room cleaned. Small accomplishments help me feel useful in the world.

5. I need work. I'm a stay-at-home mom. I work sporadically, mostly when we need money. But I've learned I feel better when I'm doing some work - as long as it's not keeping me up with long hours. I like to work. I like to make money. I like to use my brain. When I don't, I slowly lose my mind.

6. Do not finish the bottle of wine. Sometimes, I get a bottle of wine for my husband and myself. Sometimes, I get in an "I don't care" mood and will finish the bottle. This is rare, but it's always bad. Having a good glass of wine now and then adds to the richness of a simple life. Having too much makes me feel icky and grumpy - then the next day, I want to slip into "do nothing" mode, which means I'm missing out on life experiences.

7. Don't overplan. I get in these moods where I decide we're going to go out more, do more, etc. I make huge lists and big plans. And then I just don't have the energy to throw a big dinner party or drive to another city for a special event. Now, I write down events by date - so today, we can go to a local festival, go swim or go listen to a book reading at the book store. We may not do any of these, but I know what's going on if we do want to do something. If I want to have someone for dinner now, I just plan an easy meal - spaghetti, etc. - and invite them that day on the spur of the moment.

8. Rather than talk on the phone when I'm lonely, go visit someone - or just take my daughter out for some fun. I tend to want to stay at home. Going out for even a short shopping trip helps me stay in the flow of life. My daughter is old enough now that it's actually fun to take her places. Sometimes, I forget this and get stuck in that baby-mode, where you have to worry about hauling around heavy baby equipment and naps.

9. Make time for my family and friends. This may sound like a weird thing from a SAHM, but sometimes I get so busy in accomplishing goals or cleaning, I forget to spend time with my husband as a spouse, rather than a roommate. I forget to go out with my friends and enjoy them as complex women, not just mothers I can meet for an easy playdate.

Family Behavior Plays Role in Childhood Obesity

In some ways, this topic is a big "Duh." Of course family habits impact the health of the child. But as someone who struggles with my weight, I know that solving that problem is easier said than done. Plus, even as I struggle with my weight, I want to keep my child from having the same problems.

The Washington Post recently ran Slimming Down: It's a Family Affair, an article about how family habits impact childhood obesity. The overriding theme is: If one person - especially a child - has a weight problem, then everybody needs to change their habits. Here's a line that stuck out for me:

"Parents need to remember that "your habits are their habits," Hassink says. So let your children see you snacking on a bag of carrots, rather than a bag of Fritos.

That's what kills me about my own weight problem and why I so want to get a handle on it. My husband and I were always thin as children and then one day - boom - we both had a weight problem. We want our child to have a healthy-weight childhood, but also learn habits that will keep her healthy over her lifetime. Clearly, our parents controlled our environment without teaching us much about managing our weight. On the other hand, we both also thought we could eat anything and stay thin. We were wrong, but we were also at a loss on how to become healthy without starving to death. For me, hunger is the death of a weight-loss program.

Often, I'll eat bad foods late at night, when I think my daughter won't know. But that's a short-term solution - eventually, she'll be old enough to hear me munching on chips or making numerous trips to the fridge and understand that I'm eating late at night. Or she'll catch me.

My weight loss history is a long, sorted mess of a story, but my most recent effort is to work with an internist who specializes in weight loss. She treats obesity by addressing underlying issues of health, such as low serotonine, sleep problems, and insulin-resistance. She also teaches her patients how to eat at regular intervals and meet a certain number of carbs at every snack and meal so your body knows it has plenty of energy and won't trigger overeating. She also gives you an appetite suppressant, which I use occasionally. So far, it's working.

The Post article offers suggestions on changing habits as a family - including turning off the TV. But here's a simple thing you can do that's not mentioned: Make sure your child gets enough sleep. A recent London study found a link between inadequate sleep and obesity in children. Doctors also believe sleep and weight problems are linked in adults, which is why my doctor is sending me for a sleep study.

technorati | family | Childhood Obesity | Weight Loss | Sleep