What Do We Want Our Children To Learn?

I'm contemplating a career change to teaching. In an effort to get a feel for what teachers do, how they think, how they prepare and so on, I'm reading a lot of books, blogs and articles.

Yes, I like to be prepared.

Lesson plans are particularly confusing to me. How do you make sure you're really teaching kids what they need to move on? Curriculum guidelines aren't as specific as you'd think - which makes me wonder if that's one reason why teachers end up teaching to standardized tests. I mean, love them or hate them, at least they offer a structured way of organizing all the material you could teach at a certain grade.

I started thinking about what I've needed to live and work in life. Then I realized that much of what I learned in high school I actually needed for college - and then haven't needed since, because if you're a liberal arts major, you specialize after college. If you're not a liberal arts major, you probably didn't need a whole bunch of the stuff you learned in high school.

This made me wonder if it'd be more efficient to work backwards from college. For instance, if you know a college calculus class or English class teaches at this level, what do you need to teach in high school to prepare students for doing that level of work?

I'm sure this varies by universities, but I also know universities are offering more and more remedial classes - so, clearly, students aren't showing up with the tools they need to do college level work. Remedial classes are a problem, because it extends the time you're in school and they cost way more than if you'd learned that stuff in high school - and I bet they play a role in the large student debt of which so many graduates complain these days.

This lead to me to think about raising my own daughter and I realized you could use this same approach in your day-to-day life with your child. I guess it's obvious, but it's easy to forget. We're raising children to be adults, so shouldn't we ask ourselves what kind of adults we hope they'll be? And then use that ideal as our "course outline" for what we're doing now?

I have to say, I'm not too pleased with what I'm doing as a parent when I think about what kind of adult would emerge from our day-to-day lives. It's not that she'd be a bad person, but here's a look at what we do many days, particularly in winter:
Too much technology, too little interaction. First, there's TV. True, she mostly watches educational programs - if you count Arthur as educational - but between her shows and our shows, the TV is on many, many hours. And when she's watching her shows, one or both of us are on the computer "quickly" checking email or looking something up or - ahem- blogging. Even when we put her to bed, we stay up to watch TV.

We do, at least, turn it off for a sit down dinner - but even sit down dinners are not something we do religiously. Not infrequently, we eat in shifts, with one person watching TV while another's eating. It's not deliberate - someone's not hungry or I need a nap because I was up too late. But it's not good.

Why do we do this? This is both how we were raised - the TV was on constantly at my house. If you didn't like what was on, you went in another room and did your own thing. So, safe bet that she'll have this same bad habit as an adult, since that's how I got it.

I hate this, but I'm not sure how to break out of this mold. I've played with getting rid of the TV, but what about movies? Lost? I know. Sad.

Not exercising. I hate to leave to exercise at night because that's family time and also because I seldom feel like it. But then again, wouldn't I rather teach her that nights are for exercising instead of TV? Wouldn't I rather teach her that an important part of adult life is taking care of yourself. I never saw my parents exercise. Never. Mom did a few sit ups and this weird pilates-esque circuit she'd learned somewhere once in a blue moon. When Dad was young, he did push ups and head stand push ups - which are a crazy sight to see, let me tell you. But otherwise, it wasn't an issue for them since they tended to get exercise through work. So, I never thought of it as something you made time for.

Eating bad food too quickly. On our best nights, we cook a healthy meal and sit down for a long meal and after dinner conversation. When I'm tired, someone's sick or other times when we're just not motivated, then we eat quick meals or my hubby brings in carry-out. Carry-out, I've decided, is not nutritionally better than fast food. Most of these meals look healthier, but have hidden salt and fat. We also will eat quickly and then migrate to our own corners of the world.

I did not learn this from my family. My mom cooked home meals and we seldom ate out. However, I didn't learn to cook, I don't like cooking, and so, it's a lazy habit.

No chores. This is another bad habit. We tend to clean in spurts, rather than using routines. I do teach my daughter about cleaning, but I'm not teaching her a discipline of teaching. I've tried routines. I hate them. So exactly what skills will my child have for handling things like laundry and house chores if I don't model them? None.

Overall, part of the problem is I don't have the energy I need to create the family I want. And it's not likely to improve in the next few years, since I'm thinking about returning to school for my teaching certificate. This will put us dangerously close to her pre-teen years. I'm open to ideas.

Family | TV | Self Respect

Tuesday Quick Tip: Tea Time

Yesterday was Family Day - a day dedicated to encouraging families to have meals together. I hope you took the time to have a family dinner yesterday, but if you didn't, no biggie - just plan on eating together as a family tonight. It doesn't have to be fancy, it just has to be together!

But I'd like to look at another fine tradition we've lost over time, particularly in America: Tea time.

I don't do this every day or week, or even every month, but every now and then, we all sit down before dinner and have a nice cup of tea, sometimes with a few cookies or lite snacks. While a fruity herbal tea is a great option for children or anyone who doesn't drink caffeine, Little Bit won't drink anything hot, so she has milk, water or juice instead.

Sometimes, I even break out a real teapot and our wedding china.

We sit down in the living room and enjoy a nice cup of tea and chat about our day in a civilized way. Hubby and I almost feel like real adults, and what child doesn't love a tea party? You could even use your child's tea cups if you want to add a bit of zing.

It's a fun, easy way to slow down, enjoy each other's company, and the snack is particularly nice if dinner's going to be awhile. Some even say the practice of tea time contribute to world peace - you may find it increases the peace in your home as well.

Tea can be made in the microwave, of course. But using the more traditional preparation adds a touch of elegance and relaxation to tea time.

For more on why tea time is a great idea for families and tips for preparing tea properly, read this essay by Karen Deuschle, a mother and nurse, on Old Fashioned Living.

If you don't like the idea of tea, think about adding a healthy late afternoon snack, perhaps cut vegetables, salad or soup, as a way to help hungry family members 'make it' until the adults can prepare a healthy sit-down dinner.
Family | Tea | Family Dinner

Quick Tip: The Evening Stroll

Fall's easing into my home state, Kentucky. For my money, there is no better time to live here. Gone are the oppressive heat and humidity of summer, replaced by clear air that crackles with energy. The trees are nearly magical in their beauty, caught between the silver greens of summer and the early yellows of autumn.

With the temperature a pleasant 75-85, it's perfect weather for an evening stroll. We've always had plans to make an evening walk part of our routine, but struggled with it. Since I often work late, I usually nap as soon as my husband comes home. Then there's dinner, clean up, exhausted TV watching and, finally, baths and bed for everyone else, work for me.

But that's changed recently. My daughter has finally gotten up the nerve to hop on her bicycle - she was a strictly Big Wheel kid previously. As children will do when they're learning a new skill, she's a bit obsessive about getting out on her bicycle. So every night, we're outside, walking or, in my husband's case, slowly pedaling his bike, while she confidently rides all over the neighborhood.

We're not alone. Since summer's heat has subsided, the neighborhood is alive with families pushing strollers, bicycling with little ones, and fathers and sons tossing footballs.

It's fantastic. I know an evening family walk isn't the most original of bonding ideas - but I think it's also one of those things we realize we could do, but don't do.

It doesn't have to be long. Even a 15 minute outing will increase your health, raise your family happiness quota and remind you of why it's good to be alive. My guess is, once you try it, you'll find it's hard to go back inside.

If you're having a hard time starting the habit, dedicate one week to trying it. My guess is, after that one week, you may be surprised to find you've created a habit your child won't let you forget.

And if that doesn't work, I ran across this Zen Habits post, "Engineer Life: Set Up Habit Changes So It’s Hard to Fail." The writer points out that to change a habit, you need to do four things:

1. Increase positive feedback for the habit you want to form.
2. Decrease positive feedback for what you're doing instead.
3. Decrease negative feedback for the new habit.
4. Increase negative feedback for the old habit.

Family | Time | Exercise

Book Review: Chores Without Wars

I admit it. In previous posts, I may not have been fair to this book.

I'm not repenting of my previous comments, mind you. It does drive me crazy when parenting books suggest you turn into the parenting of the Stepord Wives.

But, nonetheless, I hadn't finished the book. And as it turned out, there's a lot of redeemable information if you can ignore the overly-pristine examples and press through the first 37 pages.

What's truly fabulous about this book is it addresses one of the most oppressive aspects of being a parent, but especially a mother: The feeling that you're ultimately responsible for everything.

And I've seen this worsen as the family grows: My friends have to harass their children to finish chores, homework and basically act as the administrative assistant for the whole family.

Micro-managing people will create stress, nagging and resentment on all sides. Plus, we're not raising our children to be functioning adults when we manage their lives, are we?

Chores Without Wars authors Lynn Lott and Riki Intner offer the only possible solution for this dilemma: Stop. Absolutely stop.

Of course, you tell them you're going to stop first. And here's the smart part - you offer to help train them, help them come up with solutions - but you don't force solutions on them. But you do stop doing it for them.

Lott and Intner offer you alternative tools for helping your family become functioning, autonomous adults. The tools are:

• Family Meetings
• Training
• Joint Problem Solving
• Family Routines

As I read on, I saw how their approach would free you by allowing you to detach emotionally from the issue. After all, it isn't your problem or your job as a parent to make sure children do what they've promised. It's your job to help them, to teach them, but it's not your job to do it.

Instead of the family secretary, you become the coach. You set up routines that will help the family train and learn to succeed. You bring up problems that the family needs to solve. You formulate the game plan - but you let them do the work and play the game. Brilliant!

Besides chores, the book discusses three other major issues for families today:
Allowances. The authors do not want you to use allowances as a reward for chores. Instead, they see allowances as a way to train children to manage money responsibly.
Blended families. It discusses how you can use the methods to integrate stepchildren and grandparents into your household.
Dealing with grown children who move back or refuse to leave.

So who should read this book? I'd recommend this book if you feel like:

• No one does anything around the house except you.
• A nag or b**ch around your family.
• Your stepchildren aren't helping out or your spouse expects them to do too much.
• Your mother, who just moved in, expects everyone to live their lives around her needs.
• Your teen refuses to help or take any responsibility.
• Your school-age child isn't expected to do any chores.
  
• Your children don't understand the value of a dollar.
• Your 24-year-old lives in your basement and won't get a real job.
  

Family | Books | Family Routines | Chores

Scheduling Chores

I'm reading Chores without Wars: Turning Housework into Teamwork for this week's book. I'll give a more thorough review on Thursday, but this book, along with my revelation that my family needs routines, inspired me to pick one problem that could be solved with a family routine.

I decided that dinner would be our starting point. Why this? Because, this is an area where everyone can help - even the three-year-old - and it's very clear what needs to be done. It can take one person half an hour to cook, then another half hour to clean up. If everyone pitches in, the cleanup can take a mere 5-10 minutes and prep time for cooking is cut down, too.

So basically, I called everyone up when the main entree was ready and said, "Okay, dinner time. But first we need to set the table, put out a salad and get drinks. Little Bit, what can you do?"

Little Bit loves to be included and she loves to do "big" stuff - although once she knows she can do it and it's her job, she tends to drag her heels. This was new, so she volunteered to sit the table. Hubby got the salad together and we all put out the condiments and drink.

We were no more than half way through the meal when I announced everyone would need to sit until we were all finish and then help with cleanup. Hubby and I had tea while Little Bit finished. For clean-up, I'd made a list and hung it on the fridge. Little Bit offered to wipe down the table - a job she's done to great applaud in the past. Hubby and I worked off the list. It felt great to work together and the kitchen is clean. I used the free time to clean up a bit more in another room and tomorrow, I'll be able to spend my cleaning time outside the kitchen for a change!

I've joked about parts of the book recently, but I must say, some of the recommendations are working for me. I also agree about the need for family routines. And I definitely intend to spend the rest of the month developing this new routine into a family habit!

Family | Chores | Family Dinners

Schedules and Family

Shortly after setting my New Year's Resolutions, I realized if I wanted to achieve any of them, I need to be a bit less random in how I go about my life. So, this month, I'm focusing on creating schedules and routines, both for myself and my family.

The problem is, I don't like a regimented life. I tend to rebel against any imposed schedule after the first week. But sometimes, we need schedules to bring order to our lives. My challenge will be to create routines that aren't overly rigid, but short and manageable.

So, even though I'm coming down with a cold and felt horrible today, I drug myself out of bed at 7 to write this morning. I didn't get a ton done, but I did get something done. That's one thing less I'll have to do while Little Bit is up and about or after my husband comes home.

Then, when my Little Bit awoke an hour later - after our standard cuddle time - I made her breakfast and coaxed her into eating. She wants to wait to eat breakfast - most of us do - but it's important to jump start your metabolism to eat as soon as you're up, according to my weight loss doctor. Plus, if we eat together, I can make sure we eat within 2-4 hours. By timing our food, I can make sure we don't get so hungry we will eat anything we can grab.

Now for the laundry...

Family | Family Routines |
Healthy Eating