My Hubby has challenged me about my insistence on making New Year's Resolutions. He referenced this article on Lifehacker about how resolutions promote "deficit thinking."
I'm not going to pretend I'm a better person than I am. I told him where to get off.
But perhaps I was too hasty.
When I was young, everybody made resolutions. It was just what you did. And everyone broke them. That, too, was part of the ritual of the New Year - a sort of life/death cycle that recognizes we all have room for improvement, and yet we're so human, we can't actually do something as drastic as change.
This was back in the old days, when if you had a temper, that was just who you were - it wasn't something you worked on or read self-help books to fix. It was just the way things were with you and everybody knew it and took it into account. Certainly, people crossed you - and then you had to decide whether you were bigger and badder than the person who'd made you angry. For years, people treaded lightly around my Papaw, because that man had a quick temper, a mean streak a county wide, and a tongue that would make the devil blush. So people didn't mess with him.
Call it playground therapy: You could have a temper, but one day there might be a bigger bully who'd make you regret it. Eventually, most people developed temperance about their outbursts.
Now, many people simply refuse to make resolutions, which always strikes me as A. cycnical and B. arrogant. But it's probably neither - most likely people are just responding to the new expectation that they will actually work on their resolutions and, before next year rolls around, change themselves in some fundamental way.
And who wants to do that?
Certainly, it is stressful to always be working on something, to always be trying to fix yourself. And shouldn't your family be the one place where you can relax and be loved for who you are, flaws and all?
Over the years, I've learned you can promise change all you want, but with family, you must simply change. Don't tell them you're going to - they won't believe you. Others might offer support, guideance and hold out hope for your change. But family watch your actions and that is what they will believe.
I have lots of goals for my family. I want us to have great family dinners with long discussions. The reality is I have a three-year-old who seldom wants to eat with us, I usually need a nap and then to work, and Hubby is usually running off - literally: He's a runner. And really, we're all fine with that.
I want us to be more outdoorsy as a family, but often we're too tired to do much at the end of the day and weekends we spend playing catch up. Plus, have you ever tried to get a preschooler to go on a long hike? Our Little One is not particularly athletic and doesn't seem to have any outdoors inclinations at all.
So I think I'll keep it simple. Here are my new New Year's Resolutions:
1. Take a family walk once a week, weather permitting. I'm not going out there in the snow, rain or extreme cold. Little One can take her big wheel.
2. Show the Love to my family. Too often, I'm grumpiest to those I love the most. This year, I am resolved to show the love more. I won't promise not to be grumpy - that ain't happening. But I will promise to show affection more.
3. Write a will by spring. Step one: Try out the software I have that lets you write your own will. This has been on the backburner for some time, but since I like to view myself as a responsible parent, I want to get this done.
4. Do something for someone else as a family once a month. I wanted to do a volunteer project with Little One, but after some research, I think that may be too ambitious for now. So, instead, I'm going to look for opportunities to do good things as a family, even if it's just having friends over for dinner.
5. Do something each week/month that makes my house a home. This may be as simple as buying new towels.
So those are my resolution.
Technorati | Family Resolutions | New Years Resolution
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Greetings for Wednesday
Today is the second day of Kwanzaa and the principle of the day is self-determination.
My favorite family story today is about Virtual Family Dinners. This is a fascinating idea that goes beyond videoconferencing. The system is designed for elderly family members who all-too-often eat alone. It would detect when they sit down to dinner and alert a family member who's available to chat with them. They'd be able to see each other and chat.
According to a doctor interviewed in the story, there are health benefits to eating with others. Potentially, this could increase the health of elderly family members and postpone hospitalization or the need for out of home care.
We're still about two years from seeing this on the shelves, but it's cost is estimated at between $500 and $1,000 per household.
This week, we're talking about family resolutions and other ways to celebrate the New Year as a family. This will be slightly hypocritical of me, as I plan to celebrate with friends after dropping Little Bit off at Grandmas. But before then and New Year's Day, I figure there will be plenty of opportunities for a family celebration.
Stay tuned...
Technorati | Family in the News | Elderly | Family Dinner
My favorite family story today is about Virtual Family Dinners. This is a fascinating idea that goes beyond videoconferencing. The system is designed for elderly family members who all-too-often eat alone. It would detect when they sit down to dinner and alert a family member who's available to chat with them. They'd be able to see each other and chat.
According to a doctor interviewed in the story, there are health benefits to eating with others. Potentially, this could increase the health of elderly family members and postpone hospitalization or the need for out of home care.
We're still about two years from seeing this on the shelves, but it's cost is estimated at between $500 and $1,000 per household.
This week, we're talking about family resolutions and other ways to celebrate the New Year as a family. This will be slightly hypocritical of me, as I plan to celebrate with friends after dropping Little Bit off at Grandmas. But before then and New Year's Day, I figure there will be plenty of opportunities for a family celebration.
Stay tuned...
Technorati | Family in the News | Elderly | Family Dinner
Kwanzaa
I have a confession: I am not black. And nobody in my family is black. So I have no qualifications for discussing Kwanzaa.
However, I am a reporter, which means I'm very experienced at talking about things which I know nothing. So here goes...
Kwanzaa can be celebrated as a community, but it is frequently celebrated in families - hence the coverage here. It begins after Christmas and runs for seven days, with a different principle featured each night. I love this idea and the principles are well-worth contemplating:
Night 1: Unity
Night 2: Self-determination
Night 3: Collective work and responsibility
Night 4: Cooperative economics
Night 5: Purpose
Night 6: Creativity
Night 7: Faith
eHow offers a great guide for Kwanzaa, with tips for celebrating, decorating, and Kwanzaa for kids. Wikipedia explains the history of Kwanzaa, noting that this holiday is celebrated almost exclusively in the U.S. You can also read some of the criticisms of the holiday on Wikipedia. Kwanzaa apparently upsets some people - but then again, some people are just easily upset. I like what this blog - on BlackParentMovement.com - has to say about it.
There are lots of online crafts that children can do - or adults can do and pretend their children are doing them - if you're into that kind of thing. Obviously, I am not. So I found this much more practical and educational list for ways families with chidlren can mark the holiday.
If you're curious about whether or not it's appropriate to celebrate Kwanzaa if you're not an African American, here's what the Official Kwanzaa site says: Maybe - it depends. You can read it for yourself if you want details.
For more information about Kwanzaa, visit the Official Kwanzaa site or the MelaNet Kwanzaa Information Center
Family | Kwanzaa| Holidays
However, I am a reporter, which means I'm very experienced at talking about things which I know nothing. So here goes...
Kwanzaa can be celebrated as a community, but it is frequently celebrated in families - hence the coverage here. It begins after Christmas and runs for seven days, with a different principle featured each night. I love this idea and the principles are well-worth contemplating:
Night 1: Unity
Night 2: Self-determination
Night 3: Collective work and responsibility
Night 4: Cooperative economics
Night 5: Purpose
Night 6: Creativity
Night 7: Faith
eHow offers a great guide for Kwanzaa, with tips for celebrating, decorating, and Kwanzaa for kids. Wikipedia explains the history of Kwanzaa, noting that this holiday is celebrated almost exclusively in the U.S. You can also read some of the criticisms of the holiday on Wikipedia. Kwanzaa apparently upsets some people - but then again, some people are just easily upset. I like what this blog - on BlackParentMovement.com - has to say about it.
There are lots of online crafts that children can do - or adults can do and pretend their children are doing them - if you're into that kind of thing. Obviously, I am not. So I found this much more practical and educational list for ways families with chidlren can mark the holiday.
If you're curious about whether or not it's appropriate to celebrate Kwanzaa if you're not an African American, here's what the Official Kwanzaa site says: Maybe - it depends. You can read it for yourself if you want details.
For more information about Kwanzaa, visit the Official Kwanzaa site or the MelaNet Kwanzaa Information Center
Family | Kwanzaa| Holidays
Pyschology Today Explains Holiday Family Troubles.
Why do we put so much pressure on the holidays? Why is it so hard to be around people we love and with whom we share DNA?
Here's a real answer, from Psychology Today. Fascinating stuff. It covers blended families, negotiating Christmas after marriage, and Christmas when only one person in the marriage is a Christian. It also explains why your siblings and you resort to being 10 again!
This piece is from 1998, but is very illuminating. Unfortunately, it doesn't offer a lot of promise for better during your next big family holiday.
Family | Holidays| Psychology
Here's a real answer, from Psychology Today. Fascinating stuff. It covers blended families, negotiating Christmas after marriage, and Christmas when only one person in the marriage is a Christian. It also explains why your siblings and you resort to being 10 again!
This piece is from 1998, but is very illuminating. Unfortunately, it doesn't offer a lot of promise for better during your next big family holiday.
Family | Holidays| Psychology
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Families in the News
On Tuesdays, I've been sharing family news from around the world. I try to find the more interesting and unusual stories, of course. In the future, I'll be breaking these down and offering them daily instead of in one big clump once a week.
Enjoy!
One of the points of this blog is to talk about how we can extend our family circle to include friends and community. In
Secret's out: Join family at Kwanzaa, we learn about a family doing just that for Kwanzaa.
One of the most devasting problems families can face is addiction. It destroys many family efficiently and without mercy. And most families don't recover.
In Maryland, courts can order parents who lose their children to go through the Family Recovery Program, an experimental program. The Washington Post followed one of the first families to go through the treatment program - a mother and father who lost their child shortly after her birth in 2005. The mother tested positive for cocaine.
In the last installment of the series, reporter Mary Otto catches up with the family just as the courts decide whether or not to return their one year old daughter to their custody. What happens is heartbreaking, but with a touch of hope for two members of this family.
While it's sad the choices these individuals have made, what frustrated me most was the fact that the father is threatened with his job when he leaves to take care of his daughter. I've read about poor families being forced to make this choice over and over: If they must leave to take care of their children - and usually the situations were it's obvious they do need to choose the children - they lose their job. If they choose the job, then their children are endangered and they can loose their children. Most middle class families wouldn't face this choice because their employers value their skills and won't dare treat them so disrespectfully.
What I don't understand is why any employer would threaten to fire an employee for choosing to help their child. And you can't say, "Well, maybe the guy did it once too often," because he hasn't even had custody of his child for over a year! Clearly, this is an employer that didn't value this man as a person with a child who needed its father.
How do we expect to break the cycle of poverty if employers keep giving people these type of choices?
I'm not even quite sure how I found this, but since we're always hearing how gay unions and gay parents are ruining family life for all the straight people, I thought it was interesting to see how gay families are changing things for gays. Gone are the wild days of open sexuality, it seems. Everything's turning kid-friendly as more gays become parents.
And if you think you had a rough time with travel this holiday season, you might get a kick out of this story about a family - we're talking major extended family here - who has been coming home for Christmas to the same house for 101 years.
Finally, here's a profile of a family that probably has too much togetherness. Many people are glad to just to have survived their family during the holidays and are looking for a few months of reprive. But for the Droppo family, getting back to work means even more family time. They explain what it's like to run a family business in
Working with relatives can be tricky business.
Family | Families and Addiction| Gay Families | Family Business | Kwanzaa
Enjoy!
One of the points of this blog is to talk about how we can extend our family circle to include friends and community. In
Secret's out: Join family at Kwanzaa, we learn about a family doing just that for Kwanzaa.
One of the most devasting problems families can face is addiction. It destroys many family efficiently and without mercy. And most families don't recover.
In Maryland, courts can order parents who lose their children to go through the Family Recovery Program, an experimental program. The Washington Post followed one of the first families to go through the treatment program - a mother and father who lost their child shortly after her birth in 2005. The mother tested positive for cocaine.
In the last installment of the series, reporter Mary Otto catches up with the family just as the courts decide whether or not to return their one year old daughter to their custody. What happens is heartbreaking, but with a touch of hope for two members of this family.
While it's sad the choices these individuals have made, what frustrated me most was the fact that the father is threatened with his job when he leaves to take care of his daughter. I've read about poor families being forced to make this choice over and over: If they must leave to take care of their children - and usually the situations were it's obvious they do need to choose the children - they lose their job. If they choose the job, then their children are endangered and they can loose their children. Most middle class families wouldn't face this choice because their employers value their skills and won't dare treat them so disrespectfully.
What I don't understand is why any employer would threaten to fire an employee for choosing to help their child. And you can't say, "Well, maybe the guy did it once too often," because he hasn't even had custody of his child for over a year! Clearly, this is an employer that didn't value this man as a person with a child who needed its father.
How do we expect to break the cycle of poverty if employers keep giving people these type of choices?
I'm not even quite sure how I found this, but since we're always hearing how gay unions and gay parents are ruining family life for all the straight people, I thought it was interesting to see how gay families are changing things for gays. Gone are the wild days of open sexuality, it seems. Everything's turning kid-friendly as more gays become parents.
And if you think you had a rough time with travel this holiday season, you might get a kick out of this story about a family - we're talking major extended family here - who has been coming home for Christmas to the same house for 101 years.
Finally, here's a profile of a family that probably has too much togetherness. Many people are glad to just to have survived their family during the holidays and are looking for a few months of reprive. But for the Droppo family, getting back to work means even more family time. They explain what it's like to run a family business in Working with relatives can be tricky business.
Family | Families and Addiction| Gay Families | Family Business | Kwanzaa
Sunday, December 24, 2006
The Forgotten Families of the First Christmas
I've probably focused too much on negative aspects of Christmas for a blog about family. That's because I think there are plenty of expectations for families during the holidays. During the other 345 days of neglecting our families, I'll be more positive.
But it's also because this is a hard season for many families.
For me, it's hard because I should be just six weeks from giving birth to our second child. But during the second trimester, the baby died in utero. I thought I'd worked through most of the grief, that I'd accepted it. But much of my grief has resurfaced during this celebration of a baby's birthday.
I also have some close friends who lost their four month old to SIDs this year. I'm betting Christmas isn't that joyful for them, either.
I guess that's why this year, I find myself thinking of the unnamed families in the Nativity story:
-Matthew 2: 16-18
So when we rejoice with Mary and Joseph, let us also remember the children of Bethlehem, the children who didn't live.
Family | Christmas | Bible
But it's also because this is a hard season for many families.
For me, it's hard because I should be just six weeks from giving birth to our second child. But during the second trimester, the baby died in utero. I thought I'd worked through most of the grief, that I'd accepted it. But much of my grief has resurfaced during this celebration of a baby's birthday.
I also have some close friends who lost their four month old to SIDs this year. I'm betting Christmas isn't that joyful for them, either.
I guess that's why this year, I find myself thinking of the unnamed families in the Nativity story:
Then Herod, when he saw that he had been tricked by the wise men, was in a furious rage, and he sent and killed all the male children in Bethlehem and in all that region who were two years old or under, according to the time which he had ascertained from the wise men. Then was fulfilled what was spoken by the prophet Jeremiah:
"A voice was heard in Ramah,
wailing and loud lamentation,
Rachel weeping for her children;
she refused to be consoled,
because they were no more."
-Matthew 2: 16-18
So when we rejoice with Mary and Joseph, let us also remember the children of Bethlehem, the children who didn't live.
Family | Christmas | Bible
How to Have a Festivus Christmas
Want to ruin Christmas? Here's how: Do and say all of the things you've been dying to do and say all these years. That's right: Tell them off, give the snappy comebacks, and storm off to show how mad you really are. It'll be a Christmas to remember - your bad manners, according to this article, titled Dreaming of Norman Rockwell but having holidays with family.
And for more uplifting Christmas news, here's a fun roundup of family Christmas traditions, posted by real people. I notice a lot of happy family celebrations involve movies or church and food. Coincidence? You decide.
Family | Christmas | Festivus
Surviving Relatives During Christmas
It's no secret that I don't think you should hang around toxic relatives, even if it is the holidays. Have the strength to cut your losses and create a family that loves you, I say.
But sometimes it's not so black and white. Sometimes, we may be uncomfortable around our family, but still love them. We may be struggling for acceptance during a new phase of our life or we may just not have the relationship we really want - but that doesn't mean we want to walk away.
Or you may care very much for some family members, but seeing them means you have to see toxic relatives you'd rather ignore.
What to do?
A Better You Blog offers this article on "How to Get Along with Family." I particularly like Number 2, which reminds you to Be Protective - to guard your children, yourself and your heart. The others aren't bad, but I think this is the one we actually forget in our rush to "get along."
You can also read my blog entry on Toxic Relatives from Thanksgiving, which offers a few more links on dealing with toxic family members.
Family | Surviving the Holidays
But sometimes it's not so black and white. Sometimes, we may be uncomfortable around our family, but still love them. We may be struggling for acceptance during a new phase of our life or we may just not have the relationship we really want - but that doesn't mean we want to walk away.
Or you may care very much for some family members, but seeing them means you have to see toxic relatives you'd rather ignore.
What to do?
A Better You Blog offers this article on "How to Get Along with Family." I particularly like Number 2, which reminds you to Be Protective - to guard your children, yourself and your heart. The others aren't bad, but I think this is the one we actually forget in our rush to "get along."
You can also read my blog entry on Toxic Relatives from Thanksgiving, which offers a few more links on dealing with toxic family members.
Family | Surviving the Holidays
Christmas prayers
It's Christmas Eve this Sunday. For Christians, this makes for a busy day - in addition to finishing your shopping, attending any family events and Christmas Eve service, you also have to fit in Sunday morning service. For reasons beyond my understanding, members of my immediate family will be attending three services tomorrow, two of which they'll participate. It kinda happened accidentially.
In honor of Christmas, this week's prayers are Christmas prayers.
Here's a simple prayer that could helpful to recite on Christmas Eve, when you may be busy with preparations for the big day:
As Jesus brought peace, turn us into peacemakers.
As Jesus brought hope, make us messengers of hope.
As Jesus brought love, rekindle love in us
So that the birth of the baby in Bethlehem
May bring a new beginning to our own lives.
Amen.
The second Christmas prayer was written by Robert Louis Stevenson, who is best known for writing Treasure Island, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and Kidnapped.
A Christmas Prayer by Robert Louis Stevenson
Loving Father, Help us remember the birth of Jesus,
that we may share in the song of the angels,
the gladness of the shepherds,
and worship of the wise men.
Close the door of hate and open the door of love all over the world. Let kindness come with every gift and good desires with every greeting. Deliver us from evil by the blessing which Christ brings, and teach us to be merry with clear hearts.
May the Christmas morning make us happy to be thy children, and Christmas evening bring us to our beds with grateful thoughts, forgiving and forgiven, for Jesus' sake. Amen.
And finally, here's a nice prayer for before the opening of Christmas present:
Lord Jesus, Wise men travelled for miles to bring you the first Christmas presents. So may we, too, remember with thankful hearts the love that comes with each present we open. We also thank you for the amazing love you have for each of us, and we thank you for the many gifts that you give us. Amen
For more Christmas prayers, vist:
The UK Prayer Guide
Collective Worship
Christmas | prayer | Family
In honor of Christmas, this week's prayers are Christmas prayers.
Here's a simple prayer that could helpful to recite on Christmas Eve, when you may be busy with preparations for the big day:
As Jesus brought peace, turn us into peacemakers.
As Jesus brought hope, make us messengers of hope.
As Jesus brought love, rekindle love in us
So that the birth of the baby in Bethlehem
May bring a new beginning to our own lives.
Amen.
The second Christmas prayer was written by Robert Louis Stevenson, who is best known for writing Treasure Island, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and Kidnapped.
A Christmas Prayer by Robert Louis Stevenson
Loving Father, Help us remember the birth of Jesus,
that we may share in the song of the angels,
the gladness of the shepherds,
and worship of the wise men.
Close the door of hate and open the door of love all over the world. Let kindness come with every gift and good desires with every greeting. Deliver us from evil by the blessing which Christ brings, and teach us to be merry with clear hearts.
May the Christmas morning make us happy to be thy children, and Christmas evening bring us to our beds with grateful thoughts, forgiving and forgiven, for Jesus' sake. Amen.
And finally, here's a nice prayer for before the opening of Christmas present:
Lord Jesus, Wise men travelled for miles to bring you the first Christmas presents. So may we, too, remember with thankful hearts the love that comes with each present we open. We also thank you for the amazing love you have for each of us, and we thank you for the many gifts that you give us. Amen
For more Christmas prayers, vist:
Christmas | prayer | Family
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Taking a Christmas Time Out
If you've noticed I missed a few days posting, I have a good reason: My family gave ourselves a Christmas time out.
The shopping was more or less done, the stockings were hung, Hubby had a few days off, and my stress level was through the roof. So we decided to leave town. I called and booked the Splash and Discover package - it includes a night at the Holiday Inn North at the Pyramids, passes to Caribbean Cove Water Park - an indoor water park located inside the hotel - and tickets to the Children's Museum in nearby Indianapolis.
The water park was nice - not great, but nice. If we had older children, it would've been great. But the preschool play area was a bit cold for Little One, so we ran back and forth between the play area and the hot tub. We did spend a lot of time drifting in the Lazy River - which was warmer. And Hubby said the slides were fun. But I think we might have been just as happy with an indoor swimming pool.
That said, the hotel was very family friendly. There were several places for families to eat, including a snack area where you could eat while still wearing your bathing suit. My favorite feature was the children's room, which had a TV where they could watch movies and craft area. There was a man in there who obviously isn't used to being around children, though - instead of trying to get the children involved, he just watched TV and would answer questions if asked. The cool part about this is they had all these games and puzzles you could check out and take to your room. We tried Don't Break the Ice, which was a huge hit with Little Bit.
There were also pool tables, foos-ball tables, a mini-golf putting area and a ping-pong table - and all of these tables actually had the paddles, sticks, clubs and balls you needed to play them. Families were busy playing games everywhere. It was nice - more hotels should offer these features.
Plus, kids eat free if the adults purchase a meal. So that was a nice financial break for us.
Of course, Little Bit loved staying in a hotel and being able to watch TV in bed. She loved sleeping with us - and let me say, in a king bed, Hubby and I had what amounted to a very small sleeping-bag worth of space and Little Bit took all the rest of the bed. How can something so tiny need so much space?!?
But the best part of the trip was the Children's Museum. If you're within a day's drive, go visit it. It is simply amazing. Seriously - it's better for children than Disney World, and I'm not the only one who's said so. My friend did, too, so it must be true.
This place is A-MAZ-ING. No matter what your child's age, they'll love this place. Heck, we even saw a few college students on dates here. It is beyond fun.
Little Bit's favorite thing was the Dinosaur exhibit where children could dress as Dinos and sit on Dinosaur eggs - soft, stuffed eggs, but also hard eggs in huge nests on the floor. She took this very seriously. We were there at least 40 minutes, the most of which she spent spread out over the eggs, protecting three football sized soft eggs from a young Raptor boy who kept threatening to steal her eggs. We could only leave when he and his mother packed up and left the area. Then it still took another five minutes for me to convince her that someone else would sit on her eggs.
By the way, the Best Santa Ever also holds court here. He actually got Little Bit to sit on his lap without crying by telling her he wanted to see how much she'd grown since last year. She didn't smile - but for once, she didn't cry.
Did I mention the Carousel?
I'm not even going to try to cover everything that was wonderful about this place. Seriously, better than Disney. It must be the most child-friendly place in the world - and it's huge! They even have a planetarium and a real train engine inside.
But the best part is we're going into Christmas rested, relaxed and happy, with at least one good memory already in place. I'm thinking we might try to do something like this every year. It's nice to take time for just our small family.
What do you do during the holidays to take time for your immediate family? Let me know by emailing me at loraine.lawson at gmail.com or post your comments below.
Christmas | Vacation | Family
The shopping was more or less done, the stockings were hung, Hubby had a few days off, and my stress level was through the roof. So we decided to leave town. I called and booked the Splash and Discover package - it includes a night at the Holiday Inn North at the Pyramids, passes to Caribbean Cove Water Park - an indoor water park located inside the hotel - and tickets to the Children's Museum in nearby Indianapolis.
The water park was nice - not great, but nice. If we had older children, it would've been great. But the preschool play area was a bit cold for Little One, so we ran back and forth between the play area and the hot tub. We did spend a lot of time drifting in the Lazy River - which was warmer. And Hubby said the slides were fun. But I think we might have been just as happy with an indoor swimming pool.
That said, the hotel was very family friendly. There were several places for families to eat, including a snack area where you could eat while still wearing your bathing suit. My favorite feature was the children's room, which had a TV where they could watch movies and craft area. There was a man in there who obviously isn't used to being around children, though - instead of trying to get the children involved, he just watched TV and would answer questions if asked. The cool part about this is they had all these games and puzzles you could check out and take to your room. We tried Don't Break the Ice, which was a huge hit with Little Bit.
There were also pool tables, foos-ball tables, a mini-golf putting area and a ping-pong table - and all of these tables actually had the paddles, sticks, clubs and balls you needed to play them. Families were busy playing games everywhere. It was nice - more hotels should offer these features.
Plus, kids eat free if the adults purchase a meal. So that was a nice financial break for us.
Of course, Little Bit loved staying in a hotel and being able to watch TV in bed. She loved sleeping with us - and let me say, in a king bed, Hubby and I had what amounted to a very small sleeping-bag worth of space and Little Bit took all the rest of the bed. How can something so tiny need so much space?!?
But the best part of the trip was the Children's Museum. If you're within a day's drive, go visit it. It is simply amazing. Seriously - it's better for children than Disney World, and I'm not the only one who's said so. My friend did, too, so it must be true.
This place is A-MAZ-ING. No matter what your child's age, they'll love this place. Heck, we even saw a few college students on dates here. It is beyond fun.
Little Bit's favorite thing was the Dinosaur exhibit where children could dress as Dinos and sit on Dinosaur eggs - soft, stuffed eggs, but also hard eggs in huge nests on the floor. She took this very seriously. We were there at least 40 minutes, the most of which she spent spread out over the eggs, protecting three football sized soft eggs from a young Raptor boy who kept threatening to steal her eggs. We could only leave when he and his mother packed up and left the area. Then it still took another five minutes for me to convince her that someone else would sit on her eggs.By the way, the Best Santa Ever also holds court here. He actually got Little Bit to sit on his lap without crying by telling her he wanted to see how much she'd grown since last year. She didn't smile - but for once, she didn't cry.
Did I mention the Carousel?
I'm not even going to try to cover everything that was wonderful about this place. Seriously, better than Disney. It must be the most child-friendly place in the world - and it's huge! They even have a planetarium and a real train engine inside.
But the best part is we're going into Christmas rested, relaxed and happy, with at least one good memory already in place. I'm thinking we might try to do something like this every year. It's nice to take time for just our small family.
What do you do during the holidays to take time for your immediate family? Let me know by emailing me at loraine.lawson at gmail.com or post your comments below.
Christmas | Vacation | Family
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Financial Resolutions
Family resolutions don't have to be about changing the family. They can be about protecting the family, too. Pick one from this list and do it this year to it:
Resolutions | Goals | Family | New Years
- Resolve to write or update your will. Make sure your wishes for your family are outlined. Who will get the children? What about the family pet? How are your finances to be divided.
- Resolve to get your family finances in order. If you're in debt, make it your goal to get out. If you don't track expenses, make a plan to do so and balance your checkbook monthly. And while you're at it, teach your children about what you're doing so they'll develop this critical life skill.
- Resolve to create an emergency fund. Experts recommend three months living expenses.
- Resolve to sign up for life and disability insurance.
- Resolve to save for a house. Houses are wise investments for families. You can deduct the interest and you're building your worth as your home appreciates - unlike apartments, which basically bleed your money and give you nothing. If a house is out of range, consider saving for a condo.
- Resolve to save for your children's college education.
- Resolve to preplan and pre-pay your funeral so your loved ones won't have to.
Resolutions | Goals | Family | New Years
Resolutions for a Better Family
Resolutions have gotten a bad rap. Many of my friends have abandoned them all together, saying they never keep them anyway. I think that's because they're taking an all-or-nothing approach to resolutions.
The New Year is the perfect time to reflect upon our lives. It's a natural pause after the holidays and before the daily grind continues to audit what's working and what's not in your life. The problem is, too many people make resolutions without a plan and then expect to wake up magically transformed - or blessed with an abundance of willpower - on New Year's Day. They keep their resolutions for a few days and then if they fail, they give up - certain that change is impossible.
Instead of viewing your resolution as a succeed/fail proposition, view the resolution as setting your intentions for the year - the whole year. For instance, if you want to lose weight, you could outline a plan for doing so and give it your best. If you hate it, don't abandon the goal - abandon the plan and find a new one. But stay dedicated to finding a way to accomplish your goal.
It's also helpful if you set quarterly evaluations. My birthday falls in late spring, so I usually naturally renew my resolutions then. And our anniversary is in late summer, so that's another natural time for us to review our goals for the year.
One of my resolutions for the coming year is to create rituals for my own family. I hope to have some that include extended family and friends - perhaps a game night or something of that order - but mostly I want to focus on our little family of four, (counting Miss Priss the Dog, of course).
While holiday traditions are important, I think it's even more significant to have random and weekly rituals. We could also be more focused about adding a few reliable, daily routines - reading a story before bedtime as a family, eating dinner together or going for a family walk, for instance.I also want us to become more active as a family. Hmmm....I'm starting to see the beginning of a weekly ritual that unites both goals.
On a website called Family Education, they recommend you keep a monthly diary of family goals. One way to do this is to use you camcorder and record each family member talking about the resolutions. Check in every month with an update and then review what you said the month before. This would be great for those trying to lose weight, since they could actually see the transformation over the course of the year.
Or you can check in here each month. To stay focused, I'll be blogging regularly about our family's goals in the coming year.
More information:
Resolutions | Goals | Family | New Years
The New Year is the perfect time to reflect upon our lives. It's a natural pause after the holidays and before the daily grind continues to audit what's working and what's not in your life. The problem is, too many people make resolutions without a plan and then expect to wake up magically transformed - or blessed with an abundance of willpower - on New Year's Day. They keep their resolutions for a few days and then if they fail, they give up - certain that change is impossible.
Instead of viewing your resolution as a succeed/fail proposition, view the resolution as setting your intentions for the year - the whole year. For instance, if you want to lose weight, you could outline a plan for doing so and give it your best. If you hate it, don't abandon the goal - abandon the plan and find a new one. But stay dedicated to finding a way to accomplish your goal.
It's also helpful if you set quarterly evaluations. My birthday falls in late spring, so I usually naturally renew my resolutions then. And our anniversary is in late summer, so that's another natural time for us to review our goals for the year.
One of my resolutions for the coming year is to create rituals for my own family. I hope to have some that include extended family and friends - perhaps a game night or something of that order - but mostly I want to focus on our little family of four, (counting Miss Priss the Dog, of course).
While holiday traditions are important, I think it's even more significant to have random and weekly rituals. We could also be more focused about adding a few reliable, daily routines - reading a story before bedtime as a family, eating dinner together or going for a family walk, for instance.I also want us to become more active as a family. Hmmm....I'm starting to see the beginning of a weekly ritual that unites both goals.
On a website called Family Education, they recommend you keep a monthly diary of family goals. One way to do this is to use you camcorder and record each family member talking about the resolutions. Check in every month with an update and then review what you said the month before. This would be great for those trying to lose weight, since they could actually see the transformation over the course of the year.
Or you can check in here each month. To stay focused, I'll be blogging regularly about our family's goals in the coming year.
More information:
- Five Resolutions for a Closer Family
- A newsletter - a pdf - on creating Family New Years Resolutions
- Resolutions that will help you create a healthier family in the New Year
- 10 Healthy Family Resolutions
- Dr. Phil's advice on Setting Family Resolutions. This thorough article offers guideance for greating your own resolutions, plus suggestions for how to make family a priority.
Resolutions | Goals | Family | New Years
Spend Time with Family on 43 Things
If you're looking for a fun way to track your goals and New Year resolutions, visit 43 Things. Basically, it's a social networking site. You sign up and pick 43 Things you want to try. You can also sound off on things you've already tried or accomplished and give people advice about doing whatever it is you did.
As of this post, 482 people wanted to spend more time with family. Of those who have achieved this goal, 97 percent say it's worth doing.
Speaking of spending time with family, have you planned to spend alone time with your family this week? Holidays are supposed to be all about family, but I've found I spend so much time on extended family, I neglect my immediate family. So, I've planned something special for us later this week. More on that later.
43 Things | Goals | Family | Holidays
As of this post, 482 people wanted to spend more time with family. Of those who have achieved this goal, 97 percent say it's worth doing.
Speaking of spending time with family, have you planned to spend alone time with your family this week? Holidays are supposed to be all about family, but I've found I spend so much time on extended family, I neglect my immediate family. So, I've planned something special for us later this week. More on that later.
43 Things | Goals | Family | Holidays
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Family Dinner
Each Tuesday, my goal is to commit myself to a family dinner menu plan. I'm not a cook, so don't expect much.
Tuesday: I defrosted hamburger patties (Laura's sells them premade in a box), so it's hamburgers on a lite bread, (low-carb diet for me), with green beans and salad - vegetables Little One will eat. She always wants french fries, so if we go to the store, I may buy the bakeable crinkles, which are low in fat.
Wednesday: I've also defrosted chicken thighs - which I've never cooked before. They were cheaper than breasts and since I'm low-carbing it, the fat isn't as important. And as is typical of me, I thought I had a recipe for them - but I don't. So here's my dirty little cooking secret: Google. I type in "chicken thighs," low carb, easy. You've got to put the chicken thighs in quotes or it gives you every kind of chicken. And I've found my recipe: Basil Lemon Chicken. I just need to pick up Basil, maybe a lemon and yogurt.
There's also Chicken Thighs with Garlic and Lime. I have the ingredients for this recipe, so we'll call that Plan B - or next week's Wednesday dinner.
I'll make some rice for the family and, once again, it'll be green beans and salad. What can I say? Little One is picky.
Apparently, I can just bake them, so I may do that.
Thursday: We usually eat out with friends. But just in case, I'm defrosting a pot roast. Normally, we'd do fish, but I want to make soup over the weekend. I got a hankering. I'll make it in the crock pot with carrots and potatoes. My mother - a genius of economy - uses canned carrots and canned potatoes, and it tastes fantastic.
Friday: Pot roast - depending on what happened Thursday - or soup and cheese sandwiches.
Saturday: Nutty Oven Fried Fish. The recipe for this is in "Saving Dinner the Low-Carb Way," a fantastic resource for families. The Saving Dinner books are divided into weeks by season. Each week includes a grocery list, with optional side items, so you can just copy it and go if you're not picky. We may have the soup and sandwiches and save this for next week.
Sunday: Sunday is Christmas Eve. We'll be doing a lot of running, so I'm going with a crock pot recipe. The Fix It Lightly and Forget It cookbook offers an "Easy and Delicious Turkey Breast" recipe that's turky, cranberry sauce, a dry onion soup mix and OJ. That's for dinner.
I do need to plan ahead and have a low-carb breakfast casserole for Monday morning.
Monday: Christmas Day. I'll need to check in with my mother about what to bring. We'll have a huge lunch, so we'll probably have leftovers for dinner or sandwiches. Or maybe we'll do scrambled eggs and pancakes!
Family | Family Dinner
Tuesday: I defrosted hamburger patties (Laura's sells them premade in a box), so it's hamburgers on a lite bread, (low-carb diet for me), with green beans and salad - vegetables Little One will eat. She always wants french fries, so if we go to the store, I may buy the bakeable crinkles, which are low in fat.
Wednesday: I've also defrosted chicken thighs - which I've never cooked before. They were cheaper than breasts and since I'm low-carbing it, the fat isn't as important. And as is typical of me, I thought I had a recipe for them - but I don't. So here's my dirty little cooking secret: Google. I type in "chicken thighs," low carb, easy. You've got to put the chicken thighs in quotes or it gives you every kind of chicken. And I've found my recipe: Basil Lemon Chicken. I just need to pick up Basil, maybe a lemon and yogurt.
There's also Chicken Thighs with Garlic and Lime. I have the ingredients for this recipe, so we'll call that Plan B - or next week's Wednesday dinner.
I'll make some rice for the family and, once again, it'll be green beans and salad. What can I say? Little One is picky.
Apparently, I can just bake them, so I may do that.
Thursday: We usually eat out with friends. But just in case, I'm defrosting a pot roast. Normally, we'd do fish, but I want to make soup over the weekend. I got a hankering. I'll make it in the crock pot with carrots and potatoes. My mother - a genius of economy - uses canned carrots and canned potatoes, and it tastes fantastic.
Friday: Pot roast - depending on what happened Thursday - or soup and cheese sandwiches.
Saturday: Nutty Oven Fried Fish. The recipe for this is in "Saving Dinner the Low-Carb Way," a fantastic resource for families. The Saving Dinner books are divided into weeks by season. Each week includes a grocery list, with optional side items, so you can just copy it and go if you're not picky. We may have the soup and sandwiches and save this for next week.
Sunday: Sunday is Christmas Eve. We'll be doing a lot of running, so I'm going with a crock pot recipe. The Fix It Lightly and Forget It cookbook offers an "Easy and Delicious Turkey Breast" recipe that's turky, cranberry sauce, a dry onion soup mix and OJ. That's for dinner.
I do need to plan ahead and have a low-carb breakfast casserole for Monday morning.
Monday: Christmas Day. I'll need to check in with my mother about what to bring. We'll have a huge lunch, so we'll probably have leftovers for dinner or sandwiches. Or maybe we'll do scrambled eggs and pancakes!
Family | Family Dinner
Families in the Spotlight This Week
A big shout out to the Humphries Family of Chicago, who made the news this week because all three of whom will be celebrating the same birthday next year. The couple already shared a birthday, but their son came two days early this December to give each parent a special birthday gift. Talk about a great family tradition!
Special prayers for the family and friends of Paul, Lillian, Shawn, 11, and Kitanna, 10, Martin, a Texas family that died together in a plane crash this week. In general, I think it's pointless to read about random trajedies because there's nothing you can do but feel bad. However, in this case, do read about the Martins. They were an amazing family. They seemed to have put their time here to good, loving use. I should have so many great family memories when I die. The picture is from News 8 Austin.
If you're following the story of the missing climbers on Mount Hood, you might want to read the official response of their family members and include them in your prayers/meditations/moments of remembrance this week.
"Try to See Things from Elders' Perspectives This Season," a column published on the Pensacola News Journal's website, reminds us to include seniors in our holiday celebrations. I particularly liked the point he makes about including seniors in holiday preparations, such as trimming the tree and gift shopping. We focus so much on children during Christmas and Hanukkah, that we sometimes forget our parents, grandparents and great-grandparents. Hubby's grandmother will be spending Christmas in the hospital. We plan to drop by for awhile on Christmas morning, but after reading this, I'm going to encourage him to bring her a small tree now.
In a similar vein, columnist Linda Rhodes of the Patriot News reminds us to create new traditions with parents who have lost a spouse. Tips Can Help Parents Navigate Holidays is full of great suggestions, but my favorite is to remember deceased family members during the holidays. We want holidays to be perfect, so we force ourselves to avoid anything painful - even if those memories are full of love and are our hearts are aching anyway. She suggests you acknowledge the loss and the love that person brought to your life. A beautiful idea.
In South Asia, news that Pakistani mosques will encourage family planning made headlines this week. The story notes that Pakistan families are often large because people don't have social security and feel they need a large family to ensure they'll be cared for as they age. The minister quoted in the story points out that two well-educated children can care for aging parents as well as many uneducated children. Touche!
Ever wonder what Chuck Norris thinks about families, raising children and Christmas break? No, me either. But the man apparently writes a regular column and this week it's on latchkey kids and the dangers of electronic entertainment. I wonder about that stat on latchkey kids. It's kinda frightening. He sources an article on Associated Content, but the article doesn't give a source for the stat and the referenced documents at the end of it don't include the stat. The closest I came was this number from the Oakland Tribute: Approximately one million California kids, 12-17 years old, are unsupervised after school three or more days each week, according to a government poll.
Family | Families in the News | Holiday tips
Special prayers for the family and friends of Paul, Lillian, Shawn, 11, and Kitanna, 10, Martin, a Texas family that died together in a plane crash this week. In general, I think it's pointless to read about random trajedies because there's nothing you can do but feel bad. However, in this case, do read about the Martins. They were an amazing family. They seemed to have put their time here to good, loving use. I should have so many great family memories when I die. The picture is from News 8 Austin.If you're following the story of the missing climbers on Mount Hood, you might want to read the official response of their family members and include them in your prayers/meditations/moments of remembrance this week.
"Try to See Things from Elders' Perspectives This Season," a column published on the Pensacola News Journal's website, reminds us to include seniors in our holiday celebrations. I particularly liked the point he makes about including seniors in holiday preparations, such as trimming the tree and gift shopping. We focus so much on children during Christmas and Hanukkah, that we sometimes forget our parents, grandparents and great-grandparents. Hubby's grandmother will be spending Christmas in the hospital. We plan to drop by for awhile on Christmas morning, but after reading this, I'm going to encourage him to bring her a small tree now.
In a similar vein, columnist Linda Rhodes of the Patriot News reminds us to create new traditions with parents who have lost a spouse. Tips Can Help Parents Navigate Holidays is full of great suggestions, but my favorite is to remember deceased family members during the holidays. We want holidays to be perfect, so we force ourselves to avoid anything painful - even if those memories are full of love and are our hearts are aching anyway. She suggests you acknowledge the loss and the love that person brought to your life. A beautiful idea.
In South Asia, news that Pakistani mosques will encourage family planning made headlines this week. The story notes that Pakistan families are often large because people don't have social security and feel they need a large family to ensure they'll be cared for as they age. The minister quoted in the story points out that two well-educated children can care for aging parents as well as many uneducated children. Touche!
Ever wonder what Chuck Norris thinks about families, raising children and Christmas break? No, me either. But the man apparently writes a regular column and this week it's on latchkey kids and the dangers of electronic entertainment. I wonder about that stat on latchkey kids. It's kinda frightening. He sources an article on Associated Content, but the article doesn't give a source for the stat and the referenced documents at the end of it don't include the stat. The closest I came was this number from the Oakland Tribute: Approximately one million California kids, 12-17 years old, are unsupervised after school three or more days each week, according to a government poll.
Family | Families in the News | Holiday tips
Monday, December 18, 2006
The Merits of Turtles
When you have tons to do, you're probably tempted to move like the hare: Relentlessly fast, followed by periods of total collapse.
Meanwhile, the turtle creeps on steadily, surely, slowly.
Everybody knows the morale: Sure and steady wins the race. I tend to interpret the fable as telling us to be as consistent as a turtle, without the arrogance of the rabbit. But in practice, I try to move at the speed of the rabbit, with the consistency of the turtle.
But isn't that the real point? The rabbit needs to rest because he's running so much. The turtle can keep going because he goes slowly. That's the lesson I should actually be applying to my life.
Did you know that turtles do not age? They sometimes even stop their heart from beating - they just don't need it to race around like we do. What kills turtles isn't cells aging, but disease and predators.
My father likes to say that my mother moves as slow as a turtle, but gets more done than anyone he knows. And it's true. She doesn't rush or hurry, but she's consistent and thorough and she gets tons done every day. She even takes time for an afternoon rest.
This week, I challenge you to summon your inner turtle, particularly with your family. When your toddler wants to stop to examine the frost on the porch, pause with her. Don't hurry your preschooler just because you've got five stores to visit in two hours - instead, find a way to cut back on the stores you'll visit.
Slow down. You might just give yourself and your family the peace we spend so much time talking about during Christmas.
Technorati | Holidays | Family
Sunday, December 17, 2006
The Family that Prays
I confess: We're a little awkward around prayer. Neither hubby nor I are quite sure how to do it gracefully and we always feel a bit weird praying at dinner or out loud.
And though we're Christian, we don't feel Christianity holds a monopoly on God.
Now that I've confessed that, obviously, prayer is important to many families and I believe praying together binds you to each other and a higher power. Therefore, part of this blog will be to find family prayers to share with you each week.
This week's prayer is from Bread on the Waters, a Catholic site. The full prayer is available on the Christmas and Advent Prayer page, but the end is a prayer unto itself:
O God,
bless our family
and all its members and friends;
bind us together by your love.
Give us kindness and patience
to support each other;
and wisdom in all we do.
Let the gift of your peace
come into our hearts
and remain with us.
May we rejoice in your blessings
for all our days.
Amen.
Family | Family Prayer | Advent | spirituality
And though we're Christian, we don't feel Christianity holds a monopoly on God.
Now that I've confessed that, obviously, prayer is important to many families and I believe praying together binds you to each other and a higher power. Therefore, part of this blog will be to find family prayers to share with you each week.
This week's prayer is from Bread on the Waters, a Catholic site. The full prayer is available on the Christmas and Advent Prayer page, but the end is a prayer unto itself:
O God,
bless our family
and all its members and friends;
bind us together by your love.
Give us kindness and patience
to support each other;
and wisdom in all we do.
Let the gift of your peace
come into our hearts
and remain with us.
May we rejoice in your blessings
for all our days.
Amen.
Family | Family Prayer | Advent | spirituality
Turning Down the Crazy
The holidays are making me a little bit crazy. There's so much to do without the holidays - add in a Christmas, Hanukkah and New Years, and I get a little insane from stress.
I have two reactions to stress: First, I run around like a maniac, trying to do 50 things at once, which leads to reaction 2, which is to totally crash and do nothing. I know - it sounds bipolar, but I'm not. I just wear myself out from trying to do too much.
And that makes for a bad family life.
Tonight, my husband actually sent me away, calling me Godzilla because I was so grumpy to Little One. Little One was picking at me - of course, she just wanted attention - but I was trying to do some work on the computer, write up a to-do list for tomorrow and...I don't even remember the other things I was juggling. In my mind, I was going over all the stuff I had to do this week and getting more than a little anxious about it.
Meanwhile, my Little One just wanted to be tickled.
Shame on me for putting a to-do list ahead of my family. Even if much of the stuff on the list has to do with making a great Christmas "for them," is it worth it if the week leading up to Christmas makes them wish I'd just move out? No, it is not.
Hence, I've resolved that this week, I'm slowing down. Whenever I feel stressed and start running and juggling too much at once, I'm going to intentionally slow down.
If you've never tried intentionally slowing down, I highly recommend it. It's harder than it sounds, though. What you do is pick one thing and try to do it very slowly - turtle slow. It forces you to focus and regulate yourself. You actually end up being more efficient and effective because you act your way into being focused, calm and collected.
I'm also going to trim down that to-do list. I don't have to have a play date this week. I don't need to find candles for the advent wreath - heck, it's a bit late for that anyway! (What can I say - Michael's was out when I went to buy them and I haven't had a chance to find them elsewhere!)
Another thing I think I'll do this year to make the holidays slower next year: Make notes in next year's calendar to remind me to do more of this stuff in October and November. There are so many things you don't think of until the season is upon you. But that's what calendars are for - they remember so you don't have to.
This week, resolve to slow down and just accept the week for what it is.
Holidays | Surviving the Holidays
I have two reactions to stress: First, I run around like a maniac, trying to do 50 things at once, which leads to reaction 2, which is to totally crash and do nothing. I know - it sounds bipolar, but I'm not. I just wear myself out from trying to do too much.
And that makes for a bad family life.
Tonight, my husband actually sent me away, calling me Godzilla because I was so grumpy to Little One. Little One was picking at me - of course, she just wanted attention - but I was trying to do some work on the computer, write up a to-do list for tomorrow and...I don't even remember the other things I was juggling. In my mind, I was going over all the stuff I had to do this week and getting more than a little anxious about it.
Meanwhile, my Little One just wanted to be tickled.
Shame on me for putting a to-do list ahead of my family. Even if much of the stuff on the list has to do with making a great Christmas "for them," is it worth it if the week leading up to Christmas makes them wish I'd just move out? No, it is not.
Hence, I've resolved that this week, I'm slowing down. Whenever I feel stressed and start running and juggling too much at once, I'm going to intentionally slow down.
If you've never tried intentionally slowing down, I highly recommend it. It's harder than it sounds, though. What you do is pick one thing and try to do it very slowly - turtle slow. It forces you to focus and regulate yourself. You actually end up being more efficient and effective because you act your way into being focused, calm and collected.
I'm also going to trim down that to-do list. I don't have to have a play date this week. I don't need to find candles for the advent wreath - heck, it's a bit late for that anyway! (What can I say - Michael's was out when I went to buy them and I haven't had a chance to find them elsewhere!)
Another thing I think I'll do this year to make the holidays slower next year: Make notes in next year's calendar to remind me to do more of this stuff in October and November. There are so many things you don't think of until the season is upon you. But that's what calendars are for - they remember so you don't have to.
This week, resolve to slow down and just accept the week for what it is.
Holidays | Surviving the Holidays
Everybody Relax
We've been running most of the weekend and we're exhausted. There are 1,000 things to do: Christmas shopping, house cleaning, cards to mail, gifts to buy, church activities, friends to call, exercise.
But sometimes, what your family really needs is time at home to chill. So that's what we're doing this afternoon. Relaxing.
This is a stressful time of year, even if everything is perfect in your life. And if life has handed you some turmoil, well, it can be downright overwhelming.
Here's the fix: Be gentle with yourself. Relax. Then, later in the week, buy everybody who's left on your list a gift certificate from the same restaurant.
Family | Family Health |
But sometimes, what your family really needs is time at home to chill. So that's what we're doing this afternoon. Relaxing.
This is a stressful time of year, even if everything is perfect in your life. And if life has handed you some turmoil, well, it can be downright overwhelming.
Here's the fix: Be gentle with yourself. Relax. Then, later in the week, buy everybody who's left on your list a gift certificate from the same restaurant.
Family | Family Health |
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Weekend Plans
Weekend plans are always something of a struggle for us. First, I have sleep issues, so I'm often catching up on lost sleep over the weekend. This usually means a long Saturday afternoon nap and not a lot of energy. Second, I have to catch up on errands, particularly during the holiday gift-buying season. Too often, we turn into couch potatoes during the weekend. And that's not what I want at all.
Right now, I'm being treated for sleep apnea. I'm hoping that will resolve this problem in the long-term. Since I just started, I spent most of the week trying to learn how to sleep with the CPAP. So, I needed a nap this morning.
If you have sleep problems that interfere with your family weekends, go for a sleep study. You may have a sleep disorder that could be easily treated and give you back your weekends.
We did get up at 7:30 and trek out to support the hubby on his run. Little One was disappointed, though. She thought the race:
A. Indoors
B. Fun for her
Apparently, it was neither, because she was pretty whiny about the experience. I can't say I blame her. Though I did see some families running together, it seems to me to primarily be a solitary sport. In fact, I'd say it can be down-right anti-family, particularly if the family runner does marathons, which can require you to run 10 miles or so a day. That's a lot of time spent away from your family, particularly when you factor in your work time, grooming time, eating and all the things you must do everyday.
Fortunately, my hubby sticks with the 3-5 Ks. But I think until Spring, he'll probably be on his own at the runs. We want to support him, but we also very much want to be warm.
Our plans for the rest of the weekend are pretty dull. We plan to visit some family friends - they have a girl the same age as Little One. We'll all be in the car together for about an hour and a half. One thing we are doing in the car is listening to the Rudolph sound track. My daughter and I now know most of the words and can sing together, which is fun.
But due to my sleep problems, I'll probably doze off. Little One may also grab a nap, leaving my poor hubby alone while we snore away.
Then we'll go to church tomorrow, where Little One will sing. Church seems like a family activity, but in reality, we go separate ways at church. Little One goes to Sunday school and child care. My husband and I do stay together, but it's not like we're interacting.
I do have one family-building activity planned: Tomorrow afternoon, there's a caroling expedition to church members who are home-bound. I think this would be something we can all do together.
After that, we'll probably do some housework and watch our last TV until Friday night.
That's the trick about being a family. So many of the things you do together don't actually encourage you to interact or bond. It's more like you're car-pooling.
Right now, I'm being treated for sleep apnea. I'm hoping that will resolve this problem in the long-term. Since I just started, I spent most of the week trying to learn how to sleep with the CPAP. So, I needed a nap this morning.
If you have sleep problems that interfere with your family weekends, go for a sleep study. You may have a sleep disorder that could be easily treated and give you back your weekends.
We did get up at 7:30 and trek out to support the hubby on his run. Little One was disappointed, though. She thought the race:
A. Indoors
B. Fun for her
Apparently, it was neither, because she was pretty whiny about the experience. I can't say I blame her. Though I did see some families running together, it seems to me to primarily be a solitary sport. In fact, I'd say it can be down-right anti-family, particularly if the family runner does marathons, which can require you to run 10 miles or so a day. That's a lot of time spent away from your family, particularly when you factor in your work time, grooming time, eating and all the things you must do everyday.
Fortunately, my hubby sticks with the 3-5 Ks. But I think until Spring, he'll probably be on his own at the runs. We want to support him, but we also very much want to be warm.
Our plans for the rest of the weekend are pretty dull. We plan to visit some family friends - they have a girl the same age as Little One. We'll all be in the car together for about an hour and a half. One thing we are doing in the car is listening to the Rudolph sound track. My daughter and I now know most of the words and can sing together, which is fun.
But due to my sleep problems, I'll probably doze off. Little One may also grab a nap, leaving my poor hubby alone while we snore away.
Then we'll go to church tomorrow, where Little One will sing. Church seems like a family activity, but in reality, we go separate ways at church. Little One goes to Sunday school and child care. My husband and I do stay together, but it's not like we're interacting.
I do have one family-building activity planned: Tomorrow afternoon, there's a caroling expedition to church members who are home-bound. I think this would be something we can all do together.
After that, we'll probably do some housework and watch our last TV until Friday night.
That's the trick about being a family. So many of the things you do together don't actually encourage you to interact or bond. It's more like you're car-pooling.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Family is Who Loves You
It's true: You can't choose your first family. Fate, God, or whatever puts you into a family's hands and you're at their mercy from then out.
Sometimes your birth family loves you. Sometimes, they don't.
It's cruel that we use the same word to describe parents who are loving and caring and do their best to give their children a good life as we do people who burn their babies with cigarettes, abandon their toddlers to "do their own thing," or emotionally neglect a young child.
I propose we don't. From now on, at least with this blog, your family is who loves you.
Of course, much of what I'm doing here has to do with the typical family unit: Two parents and children. That's the family I wanted. That's the family I'm building.
I know I'm lucky. Some people in my life - some people in my family - were born to people who didn't give them the love they deserved. They didn't even give them the love they needed.
Family is who loves you. I may not be able to tell you how to build yourself a non-traditional family - it's outside my realm of experience - but I believe families are made, through daily intention and effort. Don't be fooled by appearances - even the happy families that your friends were just "born" into - they were intentionally created by someone.
I hope much of what we talk about here can be applied to any family, even if that means your two best friends and your dog. Creating a family does take work - but it shouldn't be so hard that it's painful, it shouldn't be hurtful or crazy.
Celebrate those people who behave as family, whether their related to you or not. Sometimes that's a grandmother who loves you and raises you as if she is your mother. Sometimes it's your best friend's family, who knows how to love unconditionally and sees a need in you. Sometimes, it's your adopted daughter from Russia. Sometimes, it's a group of friends you meet through AA.
If you must be around a "birth family" who doesn't love you, don't confuse them with "family." Remember: Family is who loves you. Everyone else is just a bad coincidence.
Family | Family Dsyfunction |
Sometimes your birth family loves you. Sometimes, they don't.
It's cruel that we use the same word to describe parents who are loving and caring and do their best to give their children a good life as we do people who burn their babies with cigarettes, abandon their toddlers to "do their own thing," or emotionally neglect a young child.
I propose we don't. From now on, at least with this blog, your family is who loves you.
Of course, much of what I'm doing here has to do with the typical family unit: Two parents and children. That's the family I wanted. That's the family I'm building.
I know I'm lucky. Some people in my life - some people in my family - were born to people who didn't give them the love they deserved. They didn't even give them the love they needed.
Family is who loves you. I may not be able to tell you how to build yourself a non-traditional family - it's outside my realm of experience - but I believe families are made, through daily intention and effort. Don't be fooled by appearances - even the happy families that your friends were just "born" into - they were intentionally created by someone.
I hope much of what we talk about here can be applied to any family, even if that means your two best friends and your dog. Creating a family does take work - but it shouldn't be so hard that it's painful, it shouldn't be hurtful or crazy.
Celebrate those people who behave as family, whether their related to you or not. Sometimes that's a grandmother who loves you and raises you as if she is your mother. Sometimes it's your best friend's family, who knows how to love unconditionally and sees a need in you. Sometimes, it's your adopted daughter from Russia. Sometimes, it's a group of friends you meet through AA.
If you must be around a "birth family" who doesn't love you, don't confuse them with "family." Remember: Family is who loves you. Everyone else is just a bad coincidence.
Family | Family Dsyfunction |
Happy Hanukkah
Happy Hanukkah!
By now, most people are familiar with the story about the temple oil that last for eight days as the reason behind Hanukkah. But did you know that Hanukkah is also about the courage of one family - the Maccabees - to resist an attempt to wipe out Jewish culture? The Maccabees resisted a Antiochus the Fourth, a Greek ruler who ordered Judeans to take Greek names, study only Greek material and - you guessed it - worship only Greek gods.
The father started the rebellion and his sons took up the battle until they'd restored the Temple and Jewish life.
Hanukkah | Maccabees | Holidays
By now, most people are familiar with the story about the temple oil that last for eight days as the reason behind Hanukkah. But did you know that Hanukkah is also about the courage of one family - the Maccabees - to resist an attempt to wipe out Jewish culture? The Maccabees resisted a Antiochus the Fourth, a Greek ruler who ordered Judeans to take Greek names, study only Greek material and - you guessed it - worship only Greek gods.
The father started the rebellion and his sons took up the battle until they'd restored the Temple and Jewish life.
Hanukkah | Maccabees | Holidays
Why the Rename?
I've decided to change the title of this blog to Time for Family, because that's what the url says. I'm not particularly fond of either name - it sounds like some politically-motivated campaign or maybe a craft site. I don't want it to be either.
My reason for launching this site is to provide a space for exploring how to build a healthy, strong family. Not a perfect family. Not a 1950s advertising family. Not a sit-com family. A real, thinking, growing family with deep abiding love.
I don't think we're born knowing how to do that - we're just born with a deep desire to have a family.
Plus, I found a website called Family Time. It's a practical, magazine-style site, with some interesting tools, including a family calendar, a recipe box and a shopping list that interacts with the recipe box.
Family Time: technorati | Turnoff TV | parenting
My reason for launching this site is to provide a space for exploring how to build a healthy, strong family. Not a perfect family. Not a 1950s advertising family. Not a sit-com family. A real, thinking, growing family with deep abiding love.
I don't think we're born knowing how to do that - we're just born with a deep desire to have a family.
Plus, I found a website called Family Time. It's a practical, magazine-style site, with some interesting tools, including a family calendar, a recipe box and a shopping list that interacts with the recipe box.
Family Time: technorati | Turnoff TV | parenting
Our Family Circle: Thursday Nights with Friends
Remember when everyone held Survivor parties to watch the TV show? My closest friends still do that. They're absolutely nuts over the show. For years now, they've met for dinner and Survivor viewing. We joined them a few years ago, but this year, our child has refused to sleep at their house. I think she gets too excited about being in the same room/house as her best friends, who are in many ways, like siblings or cousins for her.
This year, someone proposed eating out before Survivor. That allowed us to participate without staying - and for us, the draw was always the fellowship of friends. But with six children and 10 adults, we easily took over any restaurant we visited. So, one couple decided to just have us over for simple meals, like Tacos (who doesn't like Tacos!) or lasagna. We all bring something to the table. For taco night, we brought lettuce. Another friend brought rice. The host is still contributing most of the food, but we'll wear her down eventually and it'll become more equitable.
Our children span 12 years, but they enjoy hanging out, laughing, fighting, tattling on one another. We enjoy a slow dinner together, with lots of talking and laughing.
Many of us have been friends since college. Since then, we've expanded our circle to include spouses, siblings, and now children. They're not just my friends. They're my family's friends.
I'm so grateful for them. But I know it can be very difficult to find families that really click with your family, who share your values, your sense of humor and gracefully ignore most of your quirks.
I'd be interested in hearing how other families have created family friendships.
family | Family Friends | Family Dinner
This year, someone proposed eating out before Survivor. That allowed us to participate without staying - and for us, the draw was always the fellowship of friends. But with six children and 10 adults, we easily took over any restaurant we visited. So, one couple decided to just have us over for simple meals, like Tacos (who doesn't like Tacos!) or lasagna. We all bring something to the table. For taco night, we brought lettuce. Another friend brought rice. The host is still contributing most of the food, but we'll wear her down eventually and it'll become more equitable.
Our children span 12 years, but they enjoy hanging out, laughing, fighting, tattling on one another. We enjoy a slow dinner together, with lots of talking and laughing.
Many of us have been friends since college. Since then, we've expanded our circle to include spouses, siblings, and now children. They're not just my friends. They're my family's friends.
I'm so grateful for them. But I know it can be very difficult to find families that really click with your family, who share your values, your sense of humor and gracefully ignore most of your quirks.
I'd be interested in hearing how other families have created family friendships.
family | Family Friends | Family Dinner
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Family Gift Idea
- Send a ball through the mail, personalized with the family's name.
- Photo blocks - whether it's the family pet or a favorite portrait. (Thanks to ParentHacks for this one.)
- Gift certificate to play miniature golf
- Holiday-themed (any holiday) plate sets. These can be upscale sets
or cheap sets you find at the Dollar Store. For $25, my mom bought my family a complete set of plates, cups, saucers and bowls that look fantastic after 5 years!
- Museum, park, botantical gardens, acquarium or zoo tickets or membership
- Amusement park tickets or membership
- Gift basket full of your favorite ice cream toppings
- A DVD of a family films
- A photo album, preferably with some photos of their family and yours. Or, you could give a certificate to a portrait studio.
- Long distance calling cards for family who lives away
- Games. Check out GamerDad's Holiday Guide to find age-appropriate family video and board games.
Family | Christmas Gifts | Simplify Christmas | Gifts | Holidays
Rejected for Volunteering
Looks like I'm on the hunt for a new organization. Dare-to-Care doesn't let anyone under 8 volunteer for them due to liability issues - even, ironically, at their Kid's Cafe. They did say we could donate craft supplies.
We did send a card and coloring page to a child through Make A Child Smile. Since the child, a 3-year-old boy named Logan, likes Care Bears, we printed out a coloring page and Little One colored it for him. Then, I ordered a Send-A-Ball for him that reads, "Smile, Logan and Owen." Owen's his twin, who also has a lot of health problems.
We did send a card and coloring page to a child through Make A Child Smile. Since the child, a 3-year-old boy named Logan, likes Care Bears, we printed out a coloring page and Little One colored it for him. Then, I ordered a Send-A-Ball for him that reads, "Smile, Logan and Owen." Owen's his twin, who also has a lot of health problems.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Book Review: The Busy Family's Guide to Volunteering
You may have noticed I've devoted a lot of time to volunteering lately. That's because Christmas is about giving, and I'd like to extend that giving attitude throughout the year. It's a value that's important to my family, along with empathy, empowerment and other lessons you can learn by volunteering.
I'm reading several books on the subject, but by far my favorite is The Busy Family's Guide to Volunteering, written by Jenny Friedman.
Friedman should know about family volunteering. She and her family have been doing it for more than 15 years. She's also the founder of Doing Good Together, an organization dedicated to inspring and helping families volunteer.
She's built a very convincing case for why volunteering matters and why it should be a family activity.
If you believe you don't have time, Friedman points out that volunteering offers a wide-range of options. You could simply dedicate one day a year - or even one half-hour a year, if you wanted. She also argues that once you try it, it'll quickly move from another thing "you have to do" to an experience you anticipate because it reaps so many benefits. Here's what she says your family will get from the experience:
She also anticipates the hesitations parents will have about volunteering and addresses them, including "My children aren't interested" and "My children are too young."
The rest of the book looks at how to pick a cause, how to prepare your children, and chapters devoted to specific causes, such as building community, healing the environment, fighting poverty, social action and volunteer vacations.
But what I found most helpful is the Appendix, which offers ideas for family projects, quick projects your family can do in an hour, an afternoon or a day without any preparation, and a developmental timetable that gives you age-appropriate ideas.
There's even a section on volunteering based on holidays, a great approach that will provide multiple volunteering activites without over-committing your family.
All of which make this book a great resource for years to come. It's definitely Family Bookshelf material. However, if you're not a book person, do explore her organization's website, Doing Good Together, which offers much of the same information, but for free!
family | volunteering | Books | Book Review
I'm reading several books on the subject, but by far my favorite is The Busy Family's Guide to Volunteering, written by Jenny Friedman.
Friedman should know about family volunteering. She and her family have been doing it for more than 15 years. She's also the founder of Doing Good Together, an organization dedicated to inspring and helping families volunteer.
She's built a very convincing case for why volunteering matters and why it should be a family activity.
If you believe you don't have time, Friedman points out that volunteering offers a wide-range of options. You could simply dedicate one day a year - or even one half-hour a year, if you wanted. She also argues that once you try it, it'll quickly move from another thing "you have to do" to an experience you anticipate because it reaps so many benefits. Here's what she says your family will get from the experience:
- Opportunities to teach values.
- Feeling part of your community.
- Improving your children's self esteem, because they see that they can contribute and help.
- Strengthened family bonds.
- Opportunities for your children to see the impact of serious things you'd normally only preach about - such as not smoking, unprotected sex, and appreciating what you have.
- Teach children about the environment, medical field, and other potential career areas in a hands-on setting.
She also anticipates the hesitations parents will have about volunteering and addresses them, including "My children aren't interested" and "My children are too young."
The rest of the book looks at how to pick a cause, how to prepare your children, and chapters devoted to specific causes, such as building community, healing the environment, fighting poverty, social action and volunteer vacations.
But what I found most helpful is the Appendix, which offers ideas for family projects, quick projects your family can do in an hour, an afternoon or a day without any preparation, and a developmental timetable that gives you age-appropriate ideas.
There's even a section on volunteering based on holidays, a great approach that will provide multiple volunteering activites without over-committing your family.
All of which make this book a great resource for years to come. It's definitely Family Bookshelf material. However, if you're not a book person, do explore her organization's website, Doing Good Together, which offers much of the same information, but for free!
family | volunteering | Books | Book Review
Giving Family Gifts for Holidays
People love to complain about the holidays and gift giving. While people enjoy giving the gifts, they don't seem to enjoy the process of gift-giving: Choosing a great gift for someone, buying it and wrapping it. And many people seem to think holiday spending is more than a bit out of control, especially in a society where so many can afford to buy pretty much whatever they want whenever they want or need it. Of course, we all want that big screen TV - but let's face it, most of us don't have anyone who can afford to give us that, and we can't really afford to give the big ticket gifts people can't get for themselves.
All of which makes for a frustrating gift-giving season. I can't afford the things people would really want, and what I can afford to get them, they could get themselves if they really wanted it - which makes me think they don't really want it or need it. So, I hit my head against a wall trying to come up with good, creative ideas for everyone in the family.
Well, this year, I'm cutting back on the insanity.
I'm buying family gifts.
Instead of finding the perfect (or not so perfect) gift for each individual, I'm going to buy gifts that they can use as a family, whether their family is one person and a dog or five children and two adult.
This solves a number of holiday problems.
First, it creates spending equity. I don't have to worry that I'm spending more on one child or go out and buy some chocolates at the last minute to make sure everybody gets the same amount. My brother, who has no kids, doesn't have to spend extra money on my family just because we have children. And my sister, who isn't married and has no children, gets as much as she gets because in our plan, she counts as a family.
Second, it will allow me to get gifts for more people. I have a lot of very good friends I don't buy for - and they don't buy for me - simply because we don't want to increase our shopping lists. But by buying family gifts, I'll only have to buy one gift - not four per family - for my friends.
Third, it limits my options, but in a good way. I don't have to choose two toys, two sweaters, and four books - all of which involves traveling to three stores at least. Instead, I can get one audio book, matching pajamas or one game. I can buy membership to parks, museums, zoos or get gift certificates for everyone at the local miniature golf.
Finally, giving family gifts affirms my belief that building family is important.
In my next post, I'll share some great family gift ideas. Please email or post your thoughts on family gifts, and I'll report back.
Family | Christmas Gifts | Simplify Christmas | Gifts | Holidays | technorati
All of which makes for a frustrating gift-giving season. I can't afford the things people would really want, and what I can afford to get them, they could get themselves if they really wanted it - which makes me think they don't really want it or need it. So, I hit my head against a wall trying to come up with good, creative ideas for everyone in the family.
Well, this year, I'm cutting back on the insanity.
I'm buying family gifts.
Instead of finding the perfect (or not so perfect) gift for each individual, I'm going to buy gifts that they can use as a family, whether their family is one person and a dog or five children and two adult.
This solves a number of holiday problems.
First, it creates spending equity. I don't have to worry that I'm spending more on one child or go out and buy some chocolates at the last minute to make sure everybody gets the same amount. My brother, who has no kids, doesn't have to spend extra money on my family just because we have children. And my sister, who isn't married and has no children, gets as much as she gets because in our plan, she counts as a family.
Second, it will allow me to get gifts for more people. I have a lot of very good friends I don't buy for - and they don't buy for me - simply because we don't want to increase our shopping lists. But by buying family gifts, I'll only have to buy one gift - not four per family - for my friends.
Third, it limits my options, but in a good way. I don't have to choose two toys, two sweaters, and four books - all of which involves traveling to three stores at least. Instead, I can get one audio book, matching pajamas or one game. I can buy membership to parks, museums, zoos or get gift certificates for everyone at the local miniature golf.
Finally, giving family gifts affirms my belief that building family is important.
In my next post, I'll share some great family gift ideas. Please email or post your thoughts on family gifts, and I'll report back.
Family | Christmas Gifts | Simplify Christmas | Gifts | Holidays | technorati
A Timely Way to Donate
Thrifty Mommy posted this morning about a thrifty way to help the needy. Pampers is giving $1 to America'’s Second Harvest for every ecard sent through their site. If you're not familiar with Second Harvest, they're a food bank network. Ellen DeGeneres featured them on her show. (I'm not sure why I mentioned that. I guess I think it makes them legitimate.)
According to Second Harvest, 52.4 percent of households with children had to choose between buying food and paying for utilities or heating fuel.
How can this giving opportunity be transformed into a family activity? Simple. This morning, when your children wake up - or when they return home from school - sit them down and have them create an e-card for anyone in the family with an email account. It's a great way to brighten your Significant Other's day, reach out to a relative who lives far away or simply to send a hug to Grandma.
Then, explain that this is a way to give and visit America's Second Harvest site. Children might be particularly interested in the Children Hunger Facts under Learn More About Others. Older children may want to take the time to read The Almanac of Hunger and Poverty in America 2006 or the 2005 Hunger Study. If teens have a Web site, they might want to add a Second Hunger banner.
You can also find ideas for volunteering under How to Help. Check out the volunteer opportunity search page, which will help you locate affiliated organizations in your area.
My family plans to work with a food bank in our area. We're hoping to be involved with the Kid's Cafe.
According to Second Harvest, 52.4 percent of households with children had to choose between buying food and paying for utilities or heating fuel.
How can this giving opportunity be transformed into a family activity? Simple. This morning, when your children wake up - or when they return home from school - sit them down and have them create an e-card for anyone in the family with an email account. It's a great way to brighten your Significant Other's day, reach out to a relative who lives far away or simply to send a hug to Grandma.
Then, explain that this is a way to give and visit America's Second Harvest site. Children might be particularly interested in the Children Hunger Facts under Learn More About Others. Older children may want to take the time to read The Almanac of Hunger and Poverty in America 2006 or the 2005 Hunger Study. If teens have a Web site, they might want to add a Second Hunger banner.
You can also find ideas for volunteering under How to Help. Check out the volunteer opportunity search page, which will help you locate affiliated organizations in your area.
My family plans to work with a food bank in our area. We're hoping to be involved with the Kid's Cafe.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
How to Choose a Family Charity
Lately, I've been researching volunteering opportunities. The volume of organizations and needs has been a bit overwhelmed. I want to donate to everything - but honestly, even Bill Gates wouldn't have enough cash!
The first problem I encountered was narrowing my choice to a particular area. Did we want to work with illiteracy? Or would we rather help orphans? Animals would be a great option for all of us, but what about world hunger? Refugees would be good - we could expose little one to other cultures, which would help us achieve several goals at once.
Here's what I figured out:
1. I need to get over myself. I'm not going to fix any of these problems single-handedly, even with my whole family working on them. While we do need to make a choice of where to put our time, it's not a life or death decision.
2. I realized you really can start anywhere. So, pick an organization or cause that appeals to you and works for your family.
For instance, my husband suggested we work on poverty. I like women and family issues. It turns out that one of the identifiable keys to reducing poverty anywhere is to economically empower women.
To do that, we could help at a local charity dedicated to helping single mothers get a college degree or contribute to any number of international charities dedicated to helping women, families or building communities. By helping women, we can help children, reduce poverty, which can reduce hunger and homelessness, and build communities. Where communities thrive, you'll also see reduced crime, an improved the environment and so on.
We may not solve any one problem or even see this chain reaction. But life is connected and while your actions may not cause immediate and obvious results, helping at any point in the chain will impact all points along it.
When you're picking projects for your family, the very dynamics of your family members should help you narrow your choices. In my family, our Little One is three. She is not going to help tutor nor is she going to ring bells for the Salvation Army while standing in the rain. I'm not going to be comfortable letting her run free in a soup kitchen while I work the line. And my husband isn't going to be able to participate in a Meals on Wheels delivery route because he works.
So, right away, our personalities and age limits our family volunteering opportunities.
Here's a list of further tips, culled from Family Fun and The Busy Family's Guide to Volunteering:
If you really can't decide, The Busy Family's Guide to Volunteering suggests you use a calendar approach. Focus on civil rights in January, send care packages for the troops in July, support farmers or sustainable living in Spring, donate supplies to women's shelters during April, which is Women's History Month, and give school supplies to an orphanage in August.
Family | Volunteering | Giving | charity | Family Activities | technorati
The first problem I encountered was narrowing my choice to a particular area. Did we want to work with illiteracy? Or would we rather help orphans? Animals would be a great option for all of us, but what about world hunger? Refugees would be good - we could expose little one to other cultures, which would help us achieve several goals at once.
Here's what I figured out:
1. I need to get over myself. I'm not going to fix any of these problems single-handedly, even with my whole family working on them. While we do need to make a choice of where to put our time, it's not a life or death decision.
2. I realized you really can start anywhere. So, pick an organization or cause that appeals to you and works for your family.
For instance, my husband suggested we work on poverty. I like women and family issues. It turns out that one of the identifiable keys to reducing poverty anywhere is to economically empower women.
To do that, we could help at a local charity dedicated to helping single mothers get a college degree or contribute to any number of international charities dedicated to helping women, families or building communities. By helping women, we can help children, reduce poverty, which can reduce hunger and homelessness, and build communities. Where communities thrive, you'll also see reduced crime, an improved the environment and so on.
We may not solve any one problem or even see this chain reaction. But life is connected and while your actions may not cause immediate and obvious results, helping at any point in the chain will impact all points along it.
When you're picking projects for your family, the very dynamics of your family members should help you narrow your choices. In my family, our Little One is three. She is not going to help tutor nor is she going to ring bells for the Salvation Army while standing in the rain. I'm not going to be comfortable letting her run free in a soup kitchen while I work the line. And my husband isn't going to be able to participate in a Meals on Wheels delivery route because he works.
So, right away, our personalities and age limits our family volunteering opportunities.
Here's a list of further tips, culled from Family Fun and The Busy Family's Guide to Volunteering:
- Make a list of each family member's strengths and skills. Find an organization that can put those abilities to work.
- Make this a family decision. Give your children input - they may surprise you.
- Some organizations may be hesitant to take families. Call and discuss ways your family could volunteer together.
- Don't give up. It's tempting after one bad experience to decide your children aren't ready or this isn't for your family. Instead, try something else.
- Don't be a martyr. Find ways to give that will be fun for everyone!
If you really can't decide, The Busy Family's Guide to Volunteering suggests you use a calendar approach. Focus on civil rights in January, send care packages for the troops in July, support farmers or sustainable living in Spring, donate supplies to women's shelters during April, which is Women's History Month, and give school supplies to an orphanage in August.
Family | Volunteering | Giving | charity | Family Activities | technorati
More on Volunteering
Recently, I posted about my intention to start volunteering as a family activity in 2007. It's not an easy goal, since my child is only three, but I've got a few good ideas on how to make it happen.
I stumbled across this article in Family Fun about family volunteering and wanted to share it. I particularly like Ways to Give During the Year, a listing of suggestions for each month.
There's also another article on Family Fun called Lessons in Giving. It has more concrete volunteering suggestions and tips for picking an organization or activity that will match your family's strengths and goals.
By the way, Family Fun is a fantastic magazine, but it's so full of ideas, it can be overwhelming. Each month, I pull out the activities I want to do and store them in my tickler file. As they come up, I get the supplies and then do them during that week.
Family | Volunteering | Giving | Preschooler | Family Activities | technorati
I stumbled across this article in Family Fun about family volunteering and wanted to share it. I particularly like Ways to Give During the Year, a listing of suggestions for each month.
There's also another article on Family Fun called Lessons in Giving. It has more concrete volunteering suggestions and tips for picking an organization or activity that will match your family's strengths and goals.
By the way, Family Fun is a fantastic magazine, but it's so full of ideas, it can be overwhelming. Each month, I pull out the activities I want to do and store them in my tickler file. As they come up, I get the supplies and then do them during that week.
Family | Volunteering | Giving | Preschooler | Family Activities | technorati
About Me
My name is Loraine Lawson. I'm a stay-at-home mom with one child, a husband and a dog named Missy. I'm also a freelance writer. This blog is about issues we're exploring in our lives as we attempt to strengthen our family bonds.
Playmobil Advent Calendars
I confess: I didn't grow up with Advent calendars. In fact, until a few years ago, I thought only Catholics did them. But after I saw how much fun my friend's children had with their Advent calendar, I decided to try it with Little One.
Last year, we bought a calendar that had chocolate in it. The chocolate was horrible - I mean, like chocolate-flavored cardboard. Horr-i-ble. But she loved it. This year, however, I couldn't bring myself to buy that type of calendar again.
So, I invested in a Playmobil Advent calendar. It turns out, there are several, but the only one I could find in my town was the
Christmas in the Park calendar. It was kinda a pain to put together. You have to assemble all the little pieces and the boxes then get all the little pieces into the little boxes, attach them to the calendar and then find someplace to hang it. And you definitely want to wait until you're sure your child won't try to eat the little toys, because there are lots of totally chokeable pieces in this calendar. Playmobil seems to specialize in tiny pieces, which makes their toys really fun for older preschoolers and school-aged children, but dangerous for children who are opt to put things in their mouths.
But she loves it. Every morning, she gets up and immediately wants her box from the calendar. I had to hang it over her head to keep her from stealing boxes ahead of schedule.
Plus, the really great thing about the Playmobil advent calendar is we can use it for years to come.
Family | Advent calendar | Playmobil | Preschooler | Family Activities | technorati
Family Volunteering
All our married lives, my husband and I have volunteered. It's been an important part of our experience as individuals and a family. Sometimes, we simply volunteered through work - I tutored a little girl while working on the education beat, he volunteered to help organize office parties at his current job and help an emergency agency sort donations after the Oklahoma City bombing. Sometimes, we volunteered individually.
But my favorite experiences are when we volunteer together. I particularly loved when we were foster parents with the Humane Society. We'd take various puppies and dogs into our home and help raise or socialize them. We have lots of photos with every dog we brought home and while it was always heartbreaking to return them, that was a small price for the experience.
After we had the Little One, we took some time off for volunteering. Raising a baby is plenty of work on its own. we did small things here and there - donating to Goodwill or other charities, for instance. But she was too small to join in a family effort and we were too busy managing our lives.
That changed this year. Two events made me realize we need to start volunteering:
1. My father, a plumber, went to Mexico with an organization to help set up houses with running water for children in a poverty-stricken border town.
2. Our church organized a volunteer project for the preschool set. It was simple enough - they went to a nursing home and sang Christmas carols. She was a bit afraid of the the older people, but she wanted to go back the next day because one lady promised she'd have candy then - so Little One couldn't have been very afraid. Plus, it's normal to be a bit nervous around people who are different than your daily experience. I feel that just means you need more experience around those people.
Since then, I've spent a lot of time researching possible family volunteering projects for those with young children. Obviously, the older your child, the more the child can do. Here's what I've come up with:
If you have a child who's past the Preschool years, the possibilities expand. For more ideas, check out The Busy Family's Guide to Volunteering, which offers thousands of ideas for long-term, short-term, even on-the-spot volunteering and giving.
If you already volunteer with your family, you might want to enter Wondertime's Littlest Volunteer Contest.
Please share any ideas or experiences you've had with volunteering with me!
Family | Volunteering | Giving | Preschooler | Family Activities | technorati
But my favorite experiences are when we volunteer together. I particularly loved when we were foster parents with the Humane Society. We'd take various puppies and dogs into our home and help raise or socialize them. We have lots of photos with every dog we brought home and while it was always heartbreaking to return them, that was a small price for the experience.
After we had the Little One, we took some time off for volunteering. Raising a baby is plenty of work on its own. we did small things here and there - donating to Goodwill or other charities, for instance. But she was too small to join in a family effort and we were too busy managing our lives.
That changed this year. Two events made me realize we need to start volunteering:
1. My father, a plumber, went to Mexico with an organization to help set up houses with running water for children in a poverty-stricken border town.
2. Our church organized a volunteer project for the preschool set. It was simple enough - they went to a nursing home and sang Christmas carols. She was a bit afraid of the the older people, but she wanted to go back the next day because one lady promised she'd have candy then - so Little One couldn't have been very afraid. Plus, it's normal to be a bit nervous around people who are different than your daily experience. I feel that just means you need more experience around those people.
Since then, I've spent a lot of time researching possible family volunteering projects for those with young children. Obviously, the older your child, the more the child can do. Here's what I've come up with:
- Foster puppies or kittens. I used to do this, but hadn't thought of it again until I read an article in Wondertime. This wouldn't be a good idea for some little ones, but since Little One is always around dogs, we could safely foster puppies. Kittens are out because she's allergic, unfortunately. There are lots of shelters that need foster parents, particularly during the spring, when all the new litters are born. Often, the babies won't have mothers and you really need to do a lot of work to care for them. The commitment time is generally six to eight weeks, depending on their age. Basically, you keep them until their old enough to be neutered. The only question is how Little One would handle returning the pups. I think it'd be okay if she knew there would be more in the future.
- The Box Project. This is a simple idea born when the founder,New Hampshire native Virginia Naeve met Coretta Scott King on an airplane. Volunteers are matched with a family from poor areas of the U.S. - Appalachia or the Delta, for instance - and commit to send the family a care box for once a month for a year. There's a $50 fee to join, which goes to support the organization. You're also encouraged to mentor the family, exchanging letters to learn more about their lives and better target your aid. Lots of people seem to form life-long relationships from this simple project. This is a fantastic way to give throughout the year and teach your child about caring for other people. In return, you'd be teaching your child empathy, geography and a bit about culture in the U.S. outside your neighborhood. You could form a friendship with someone you'd otherwise never meet. Plus, you'd know your efforts made a real impact.
- If a yearlong commitment seems too much, there are lots of variations on the box idea. For instance, you can send one-time boxes to U.S. troops, create a half-dozen comfort kits or school kits for Heart-to-Heart, or put together kits for Church World Services. For more, just google boxes+charity.
- Adopt a Grandparent. Your family agrees to serve as a surrogate family for someone in a nursing home. I'm having a hard time actually finding an organization that oversees this. There's an Adopt-A-Grandparent in Atlanta, if you happen to live in that region. I'm sure you could call any nursing home and set this up individually, however. Here are some tips for how to be a surrogate family.
- Be a Big Sister/Big Brother. I think it'd be important to ask for a child whose age is roughly the same as your own child. I'm very protective and safety-conscious, so I'd be a bit shy of bringing my child around an older child I didn't know.
- Go with your preschooler to a bookstore and buy books to donate to a pediatric hospital
If you have a child who's past the Preschool years, the possibilities expand. For more ideas, check out The Busy Family's Guide to Volunteering, which offers thousands of ideas for long-term, short-term, even on-the-spot volunteering and giving.
If you already volunteer with your family, you might want to enter Wondertime's Littlest Volunteer Contest.
Please share any ideas or experiences you've had with volunteering with me!
Family | Volunteering | Giving | Preschooler | Family Activities | technorati
Friday, December 08, 2006
TV: 2 Me: 2
Last night, once again, I turned on the tube. Three times.
I didn't feel well and Hubby and Little One were gone. I felt dizzy and didn't want to do anything, so I decided to watch one of my recorded shows. A rerun of Scrubs was on Comedy Central when I turned on the TV, and that's my favorite, so I watched it. Then I watched Hereos. I successfully turned the TV off. But much later - say, midnight - when I couldn't sleep and I was hungry, I made a sandwich and watched a recorded Scrubs. I ended up eating a bunch of junk, largely because of the TV being on, I think.
But, here's the deal - the mix of TV and food calmed me down. I think this will be the real battle for me: Not using the TV as a drug that soothes my nerves.
At least my Little One wasn't there to witness it. Part of this whole no-TV thing is about being a better role model, but I still feel a bit hypocritical turning to TV, even if she's not around to see it.
I didn't feel well and Hubby and Little One were gone. I felt dizzy and didn't want to do anything, so I decided to watch one of my recorded shows. A rerun of Scrubs was on Comedy Central when I turned on the TV, and that's my favorite, so I watched it. Then I watched Hereos. I successfully turned the TV off. But much later - say, midnight - when I couldn't sleep and I was hungry, I made a sandwich and watched a recorded Scrubs. I ended up eating a bunch of junk, largely because of the TV being on, I think.
But, here's the deal - the mix of TV and food calmed me down. I think this will be the real battle for me: Not using the TV as a drug that soothes my nerves.
At least my Little One wasn't there to witness it. Part of this whole no-TV thing is about being a better role model, but I still feel a bit hypocritical turning to TV, even if she's not around to see it.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
TV: 1 Me: 1
I managed to get through Monday without watching TV. My little one only watched a half hour, as per the plan.
Last night, I was exhausted, though, and I found myself very drawn to it. So I compromised and watched a DVD of Scrubs. I watched one episode and a few special features, which finished out the DVD so I could send it back to Netflix. I wanted to send it back so I could get Rudolf for us to all watch together this weekend. So, I don't feel too bad about that.
My little one didn't do as well. Hubby was sick yesterday and had kept me up half the night. So when he felt better, I took a nap. He still wasn't up to par, so he let her watch TV - about an hour and a half to two hours worth! I wasn't very happy, but I guess it was the best he could do. Still, I feel she would've played without it or he could've read to her longer.
When I got the urge to watch TV, I put on Christmas music instead. That really seemed to help relax me and stop the barking in my head.
All in all, I like watching less TV. Time seems to move more slowly and I'm less frazzled. It's annoying, having that yapping on all the time in the background. Plus, Little One is better behaved and playing more. Overall, she seems happier and her pretend play seems to be getting richer because she has to keep at it. She seems to be developing longer story lines.
technorati | Play | TurnOff TV
Last night, I was exhausted, though, and I found myself very drawn to it. So I compromised and watched a DVD of Scrubs. I watched one episode and a few special features, which finished out the DVD so I could send it back to Netflix. I wanted to send it back so I could get Rudolf for us to all watch together this weekend. So, I don't feel too bad about that.
My little one didn't do as well. Hubby was sick yesterday and had kept me up half the night. So when he felt better, I took a nap. He still wasn't up to par, so he let her watch TV - about an hour and a half to two hours worth! I wasn't very happy, but I guess it was the best he could do. Still, I feel she would've played without it or he could've read to her longer.
When I got the urge to watch TV, I put on Christmas music instead. That really seemed to help relax me and stop the barking in my head.
All in all, I like watching less TV. Time seems to move more slowly and I'm less frazzled. It's annoying, having that yapping on all the time in the background. Plus, Little One is better behaved and playing more. Overall, she seems happier and her pretend play seems to be getting richer because she has to keep at it. She seems to be developing longer story lines.
technorati | Play | TurnOff TV
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
A gift for you
This Mom blogger says she'll make a donation to World Vision in honor of her readers. The gift given will depend on pages views. Click away!
Charitable Giving | World Vision | mothers
Charitable Giving | World Vision | mothers
Monday, December 04, 2006
Day One of Limited/No TV
My little one is already watching her one TV episode. I was going to save it for afternoon quiet time, but I needed to make a long phone call. Once again, TV offers the path of least resistance.
What do TV-free people do when they need their child to be quiet and not following them around the house going, "Can I have candy? Can I watch TV? Can I give the dog a treat?" and so on?
Most of the information you find about giving up TV talks about all the great things you and your children can do without it. What's missing is what your kids can do while you need to be doing something else.
One participant at the Berkeley Parent Forum said she considered parenting her job and only did laundry, bills and other work while her spouse was home. Okay. That's great if you want your child to learn that the only thing you have to do in life is tend to them and you don't care if the child never learns to entertain herself or do chores. But I live in the real world. So, I kept looking.
This article on LimitTV.org was much more insightful and workable. The site also has a good list of options for limiting TV, so you can pick and choose what's most livable for your family. For instance, you might have a rule that there's no TV while the sun's out, which would encourage your children to play outside while limiting TV. Or you might want to set rules such as no TV until all homework is done or rooms are clean.
The Turn off TV Network - the people who do the TV-Free Week - offer tips for turning it off and tips for coping,which is exactly what I need, on the same page. I love the idea of keeping a withdrawal journal, since I absolutely do go through withdrawal.
My only question is about my Internet time. Am I replacing one bad habit with another?
I don't think so. I'm already blogging more, which means I'm writing more, which is my one of the reasons I'm turning off the TV in the first place.
According to the Turn Off TV Network, adults and children do not typically replace their TV time with computer time:
You'll find many more interesting statistics on their website.
Now if they'd only help me with these withdrawal shakes...
It's 3:27 and I'm exhausted. This is my danger zone - when I'd normally resort to the TV. My child and her friend played while I scrapbooked and cleaned this afternoon. For some reason, I stood up to scrapbook and the cleaning was more like renovating - I'm scrapping up carpet remnants from our basement floor. So, I'm physically tired as well as mentally tapped. My daughter - who hasn't been sleeping well - is whining and tired, too. And we have many hours to go...
technorati | Turnoff TV | parenting
What do TV-free people do when they need their child to be quiet and not following them around the house going, "Can I have candy? Can I watch TV? Can I give the dog a treat?" and so on?
Most of the information you find about giving up TV talks about all the great things you and your children can do without it. What's missing is what your kids can do while you need to be doing something else.
One participant at the Berkeley Parent Forum said she considered parenting her job and only did laundry, bills and other work while her spouse was home. Okay. That's great if you want your child to learn that the only thing you have to do in life is tend to them and you don't care if the child never learns to entertain herself or do chores. But I live in the real world. So, I kept looking.
This article on LimitTV.org was much more insightful and workable. The site also has a good list of options for limiting TV, so you can pick and choose what's most livable for your family. For instance, you might have a rule that there's no TV while the sun's out, which would encourage your children to play outside while limiting TV. Or you might want to set rules such as no TV until all homework is done or rooms are clean.
The Turn off TV Network - the people who do the TV-Free Week - offer tips for turning it off and tips for coping,which is exactly what I need, on the same page. I love the idea of keeping a withdrawal journal, since I absolutely do go through withdrawal.
My only question is about my Internet time. Am I replacing one bad habit with another?
I don't think so. I'm already blogging more, which means I'm writing more, which is my one of the reasons I'm turning off the TV in the first place.
According to the Turn Off TV Network, adults and children do not typically replace their TV time with computer time:
50% of adults spent 1-3 hours per week using their computer for recreation, 28% spent between 4 and 9 hours, and 7% spent over 10 hours per week. 15% did not use the computer at all for recreation. Eighty-four percent commented the computer had not taken over the role of TV in their home, 8% were not sure, and 8% felt it had. Though only 7% of children had a computer in their own room, 32% used Nintendo or computer games and 68% did not. Of those that played these games, 45% played from 1-3 hours per week, 35% played less than one hour, 9% 4-6 hours, 5% 7-9 hours, and 5% 10 hours or more.
You'll find many more interesting statistics on their website.
Now if they'd only help me with these withdrawal shakes...
It's 3:27 and I'm exhausted. This is my danger zone - when I'd normally resort to the TV. My child and her friend played while I scrapbooked and cleaned this afternoon. For some reason, I stood up to scrapbook and the cleaning was more like renovating - I'm scrapping up carpet remnants from our basement floor. So, I'm physically tired as well as mentally tapped. My daughter - who hasn't been sleeping well - is whining and tired, too. And we have many hours to go...
technorati | Turnoff TV | parenting
Sunday, December 03, 2006
TV Free During Weeks
I'm reading a book on writing, authored by perhaps the most prolific writer ever, Stephen King. In many ways, it's a memoir, and he talks about his alcoholism. Now, I'm a little paranoid about drinking and, really, everything else. I'm always wondering, "Could that be me?" But I couldn't even make comparisons with King. The man drank Scope, for God's sake. He also did cocaine. Apparently, he doesn't even remember writing most of Cugo.
It's a sad story, but there's a happy ending: His family finally confronted him and he decided to give up drugs and alcohol - even if it meant giving up writing, which in his addicted-addled mind, it would - to stay with his family.
But he gave up a lot before then. Addiction demanded a lot from him, including covering up his addiction and putting it before anything else. In fact, he feels the woman in Misery is actually alcohol, holding him prisoner, forcing him to write at its whims.
It made me think: What has that much control over me? What keeps me from the people and things I love?
And the answer was so obvious: TV.
I am a TV addict.
At first, it was just nights. I'm "too tired" to work so I just watch TV. Then, I need to rest, so I turn on the TV during the day when I should be playing with my daughter. First, it's just one show. Then it's two. And so on.
It's not just current shows, either. It's movies and series from Netflix. Series I've used my DVR to record and am now "really into." I probably easily watch 35 hours a week of TV.
So I've decided to break that habit.
I'm moving the TV to the basement so it won't dominate our living room. I'm eliminating TV during the week - except for Lost (if it's ever on again) and ONE episode of educational TV for my daughter. Eventually, I'll eliminate that show from the week as well, but I figure she's three - I shouldn't force her to go cold turkey.
I've deleted all but a few movies from the Netflix queue. I'm going to eliminate it entirely after I've seen those flicks. And I've cut down my recordings to the shows I truly love to view in place of weekend movies: Scrubs, Earl, Heroes and the Biggest Loser. If I watch those, that will still be an hour and a half of TV on the weekends. Plenty.
I have an escalation plan, in case that doesn't work. The plan is to get rid of all but basic cable, (otherwise we wouldn't pick up anything). If that doesn't work, then the DVR and cable go. And if that doesn't work - well, bye-bye TV. But I hope it doesn't come to that. We do love to watch movies.
This will be hardest on me, but hardest to explain to my already-tv addicted three year old. I feel tons of guilt for doing that to her - creating the addiction, not cutting back on TV - but she already seems to be adjusting better than I.
technorati | Parenting | Turn Off TV | Stephen King
It's a sad story, but there's a happy ending: His family finally confronted him and he decided to give up drugs and alcohol - even if it meant giving up writing, which in his addicted-addled mind, it would - to stay with his family.
But he gave up a lot before then. Addiction demanded a lot from him, including covering up his addiction and putting it before anything else. In fact, he feels the woman in Misery is actually alcohol, holding him prisoner, forcing him to write at its whims.
It made me think: What has that much control over me? What keeps me from the people and things I love?
And the answer was so obvious: TV.
I am a TV addict.
At first, it was just nights. I'm "too tired" to work so I just watch TV. Then, I need to rest, so I turn on the TV during the day when I should be playing with my daughter. First, it's just one show. Then it's two. And so on.
It's not just current shows, either. It's movies and series from Netflix. Series I've used my DVR to record and am now "really into." I probably easily watch 35 hours a week of TV.
So I've decided to break that habit.
I'm moving the TV to the basement so it won't dominate our living room. I'm eliminating TV during the week - except for Lost (if it's ever on again) and ONE episode of educational TV for my daughter. Eventually, I'll eliminate that show from the week as well, but I figure she's three - I shouldn't force her to go cold turkey.
I've deleted all but a few movies from the Netflix queue. I'm going to eliminate it entirely after I've seen those flicks. And I've cut down my recordings to the shows I truly love to view in place of weekend movies: Scrubs, Earl, Heroes and the Biggest Loser. If I watch those, that will still be an hour and a half of TV on the weekends. Plenty.
I have an escalation plan, in case that doesn't work. The plan is to get rid of all but basic cable, (otherwise we wouldn't pick up anything). If that doesn't work, then the DVR and cable go. And if that doesn't work - well, bye-bye TV. But I hope it doesn't come to that. We do love to watch movies.
This will be hardest on me, but hardest to explain to my already-tv addicted three year old. I feel tons of guilt for doing that to her - creating the addiction, not cutting back on TV - but she already seems to be adjusting better than I.
technorati | Parenting | Turn Off TV | Stephen King
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)