Becoming Vegan

I was vegan once. For about six months, I was the worst vegan you can imagine. Mostly that time consisted of me making odd dishes, dumping them in the trash because they were inedible, and then eating a bucket of Soy Delicious ice cream. Like I said, I was the worst vegan. My husband managed to last for a year, but I quickly returned to dairy and my vegetarian ways. The problem was, I gained weight as a vegetarian. I bounced up about 15 pounds during this time.

This was before we had kids. Once we had kids, I managed to keep the child and myself vegetarian for about six months. She ate a lot of baked tofu. But then my parents' constant worrying and a dietician who told me I was eating too many carbs convinced me to go back to meat. I was always hungry as a vegetarian. You're supposed to get sick and stuff after returning to meat, but I relished that first steak like a dog with a bone and never looked back.

Until this year. Eating meat was supposed to help me avoid diabetes by allowing me to eat protein that doesn't come pre-packaged with carbs, and thus not be hungry all the time. And it did, but I still ballooned up to over 100 pounds my ideal weight. And guess what? I became diabetic. Not only was I diabetic, but I also had high blood pressure and high cholesterol -- all of which increased my risk for heart disease (which killed my two grandfathers) and cancer (my mother had recently been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer). All of this prompted me to re-examine my diet and why I can't seem to stop with the sugar and all the refined crap that is soooo carb-loaded. I started to rethink my diet (again), and wonder how I could control the cravings and stop the cycle of weight gain. For six months, thanks to Weight Watchers. I managed to stop the gain and even lose 10 pounds - but over vacation, I regained five. The bottom line is I was consuming too much junk food, too much alcohol, and just not able to stick to my eating plans. Weight Watchers likes to say it isn't a diet, it's a lifestyle change, but the truth was, I hadn't changed my lifestyle. Not really. I'd change it for a week and then slip into my old ways. I'd log my food faithfully for four days, then forget for seven days. What I needed, I realized, was a wholesale, for-real lifestyle change.

So I started to think about switching from a "control the portion of bad things" mindset to a for-real lifestyle change. I knew from the past I did better with absolute rules. After all, I had managed to stay vegan for six months and then vegetarian for three years. So I started to think about a clean approach that would eliminate alcohol, sweets and refined foods. I also remembered a friend, who successfully lost weight as a vegetarian, had told me the key to staying full as a vegetarian wasn't necessarily adding protein, but eating waaaay more vegetables than a normal person. She would roast a pan of vegetables and eat them all, she said. That gave me fodder for rethinking my vegetarian experience. I also knew a lot of people who had lost weight being vegetarian, so that gave me fodder for rethinking my weight gain as a vegetarian. I mean, sure, I had gained 10-15 pounds as a vegetarian. But I'd gained 80-some pounds eating meat. So clearly, meat wasn't the solution. In fact, it might be part of the problem.

Meanwhile, my brother and his wife had become vegan. My brother becoming vegan was like The News of the Decade for my family. He was a big eater, and he loved to grill meat. His wife was a vegetarian, however, but I think she was probably an unhealthy vegetarian, like I had been, because she was having a lot of the weight-related health issues. They saw Forks over Knives and switched their diet. Suddenly, they were dropping weight and looked and felt better. They were a walking advertisement for the lifestyle.

But I'm a bit stubborn and was still wallowing in indecision when I heard an odd fact: Cows make friends for life. Now I'd heard a lot of vegan-propaganda (or facts, if you're vegan) in my life about cows and chickens and pigs, but this punched me in the guts. I'd had a calf in my childhood that I used to talk to and pretend we were friends. It wasn't a calf that would allow me to pet it, because it was part of a herd and there were bulls that would've chased me away, but every afternoon, I'd go out and talk to this calf while it was in the field that bordered our house, and this calf would chew it's cud and look at me just as if it understood. To my 10 year old mind, that made the calf my friend. And we had a great friendship until one day, the calf went away — probably to be sold to raise for beef. Well, the idea that I had betrayed a potentially life-long friend just blew my mind. I found my commitment.

I broke the news to my husband, (now a meat-eater himself), as if I were telling him his best friend had died. I wasn't just asking him to be vegan — I was asking him to really clean up our eating in terms of refined foods, sugars and oils. I wanted a low-fat, low-perservatives, low-sugar, vegan lifestyle. He took the news well, which is good because he is the primary cook in our household and I'm not sure I could do it without him. We agreed to finish the food in the house and move to a whole-foods, plant-based, healthy lifestyle. I stopped drinking alcohol and eating meat that day.

Our plan was to eat up what was in the house. My first day, I made a green smoothie with the left-over yogurt in the house. The next day, I replaced the yogurt with the coconut milk. Just having a green smoothie — lots of spinach, frozen fruit and a little liquid — made me feel better. I don't know if that's all the spinach or if it's psychological, and I don't care. The second day, I bought vegan bean burgers from the freezer section of my grocery, and that became my go-to food until I could figure out the rest. I also brought some whole wheat bread my brother recommended (no sugar, no milk). The third day, I made a rice bowl, which was all vegetarian except I used chicken broth to make the rice. That day, I also updated our meal plans for the week with recipes from Forks Over Knives website. I borrowed FOK recipe books from the library, and bought a FOK magazine I found a local health food store. Everyday, I'm buying a few more new grocery items (fresh fruit, clean freezer foods, whole foods that are naturally sweet such as dates, and vegan staples such as nutritional yeast), cooking something vegan, and adding recipes. Instead of drinking, I read, go for a walk, or -- in the case of last night -- go to bed super early so I'm rested enough to maintain my willpower.

Since I'm diabetic, I also invested in a book on how going vegan can affect diabetes. I was pleased to see the book didn't say I needed to watch the carb count. It provides the science behind a whole-grains, plant-based lifestyle. I know some of these diet books can cherry-pick research, but the truth is, I wasn't doing a great job watching my carbs before this. I want to see if the diet will work without carb counting. I haven't noticed any obvious effects --  no sugar crashes so far that I can tell. If my bloodwork doesn't improve, then I'll add carb counting and revisit. I'm due for my six month checkup, but because I've started this new diet, I plan to wait six weeks. That won't be enough to measure the full results on an A1C, which tests three months, but it should show improvements since that's a month and a half.

Why share all of this? Mostly I thought it'd be interesting to document this change for myself and see if I do, in fact, feel more energetic and better. I'm curious about how this will affect my bloodwork, particularly my A1C (blood sugar). Plus, everybody shares success stories after the fact and then you wonder about what happened to get them from point A to B. So maybe I'll help someone by sharing my journey. I definitely feel positive about this change. I've done a lot of dieting, but down deep, I've always thought this was the best way to eat. I just didn't want to make the sacrifice. For all the reasons I've shared, it feels like I've run out of time to mess around: It's time to get real.

Setting a Theme for Your Family in the New Year

Remember in A Christmas Story, where the teacher says the class has to write "A Theme!" and everybody groans?


Truth: I love a good theme.

I always wind up thinking about New Year's Resolutions early - probably because during the holidays, I think of about 1,000 things I should change or would like to do, "once Christmas is over." But this year, I've decided my family is going to try something different: We're not going to set New Year's Resolutions. Nope, not going to do it. It's too much stress and they seldom work out.

Instead, we're going to set a theme for the year.

I shared this approach in a September post, after reading, Goal-Free Living: How to Have the Life You Want NOW! by Stephen M. Shapiro. The idea is that instead of setting goals - which let's face it, are so type-A and stressful - you set a direction for yourself, a compass, if you prefer. This compass then guides your overall decision making. For instance, if you've chosen "Adventure" for your direction, you wouldn't take your vacation in the same old local. You'd pick a new place, or maybe go for an adventure vacation package.

One couple translated this into a yearly theme. Each year, they picked a different theme and went after it in every aspect of their lives. For instance, during the Year of Exploration, the woman spent the year exploring her potential as a writer and starting her first book.

I love this idea for families, because it can guide so many of your day-to-day decisions, as well as your big lifetime decisions. And it's so easy to do - just decide what you really want more of in your life. For instance, we really want more fun in our lives. We get too serious, to embroiled in what we "should" do, and fun gets pushed to the side. Not surprisingly, my husband and I are experience a bit of drudgery in our lives. The remedy: More Fun and Freedom - permission to have fun and be free from worry, free from constant work, free to do what we want to do.

So, we've already agreed on our theme for the coming year: Fun & Freedom.

Plans Gone Awry

Since I'm thinking about a five year plan for our family, I reviewed some of my early posts on New Year's resolutions. I have to say, I didn't get very far with them. For instance, I said I wanted to have Soup Sundays and invite in family and friends to dine with us.

I'm sure I wanted to do it at the time. And then we got the flu. And then spring came. And now, I can't imagine why I'd want to tie up myself to my house on Sundays when I could be outside doing something fun!

I also said I wanted us to volunteer and be more active in the community. To some extent, I tried this by volunteering more at our church - with disastrous results. (We're looking for a new church.) Otherwise, we never started volunteering - though I did make efforts to do so. It seems people aren't eager to have a four year old join their volunteer squad. So, that had to wait.

As I start the strategic plan for our family, it's going to be important to remember the idea isn't to create more goals. The point is to create a mission or values statement that will guide our day-to-day and year-to-year choices. That may lead to new action plans and goals may ensure, but the trick is: Goals can change and action plans can fail. A mission statement - which I translate as having an idea of where you want to go and what your values are - should be a more enduring statement of direction.

I think that's part of the reason I didn't achieve many of my resolutions: I didn't have a clear direction, except to spend more time with family and friends. Plus, I didn't ask Hubby to participate in the process. So, while the resolutions are fine in and of themselves, they couldn't stand up to competing interests that better reflect what I wanted to do - or even needed to do - with my life.

Sure I want to see friends and family. And Soup Sundays would be a great way to do that. But it's only one way, and when I really examine it, it's not particularly fun or effective and it actually would compete with other, more important goals - like spending more time with my immediate family and taking care of my own health.

While I haven't had a lot of success with resolutions, my family and I have had success with strategic planning. That's because strategic planning starts with the most important thing first: Define your purpose.

Here are some free online resources we'll be using as we begin this process:
Family Goal Setting: Ready, Aim, Achieve!
Setting Goals: You Can Achieve Any Dream You Desire
Dr. Phil's Five Factors for a Phenomenal Family (good fodder for what to cover and how to achieve your goals)

Family Goals | Strategic Planning | Families

Y We'll Be at Healthy Kids Day Celebration

There's a lot to do this weekend. Catching up on this blog could take me the better part of Saturday AND Sunday.

But, of course, there's really no 'catching up' with blogs.

So, instead, I plan to spend Saturday cleaning, but on Sunday, we're headed downtown for the YMCA Healthy Kids Day celebration.

Officially, YMCA Healthy Kids Day is April 14, but for some reason, our YMCA is holding it early - so I'll be able to give you a sneak preview of what to expect.

Locally, the agenda includes healthy snacks, dance and maritial arts demonstrations - hopefully, the children will be able to participate as well, inflatables and a short run. Local athletes are also schedule to appear.

I must say, this meets all of my criteria for a family event: It's active, educational, fun, and, not only is the event free, there's free food!

Plus, it meets my goal of getting us off the couch and moving!

We'll try it and report back on Monday!

When Last We Spoke: Goals for the 2007

Before this year began, I identified six New Year's goals for myself and my family. Wonder how I'm doing on those goals?

Well. May I speak frankly?

Not so well. The truth is, I've been very depressed the past few months. I believe this is leftover emotions from the miscarriage. But, finally, I'm feeling better. And I'm much more interested in doing things and living life again. So, I'm not beating myself up for just now getting to my goals. And I hope you won't either.

Now, back to the goals:
My first goal was simple: Show the Love.

I believe I've made progress on this. I cook more for my family. I give more spontaneous hugs. I never pass up a chance to rock my Little Bit - I know the days of that are numbered and I don't want to miss any opportunity. In the afternoons, we often rock and read five or six books at a sitting. It's fabulous. I believe my attitude has shifted and our family atmosphere is more congenial and pleasant. Though I do wish I had an extra bucket of patience for my four-year-old's boundary testing. Sometimes, her attitude makes us all a bit grouchy. Perhaps I should explain that to her?

Goal two: Build Family Identity. What I meant by this was to do chores, family dinner and other tasks together as a family. I also included doing activities that would reflect the values we wanted to instill in our child.

This is where I've really dropped the ball. While my hubby and I often eat together, we don't make our daughter sit down with us because I haven't paid attention to her snack times and she's snacked so much she's full. I also haven't enforced cleaning up together well.

As for volunteering, well, that fell of the face of the earth. It's really hard to find a way to volunteer with a preschooler. And I haven't had the energy. I still do want to send some of her old toys overseas, but we haven't had a chance to go through them. That sounds like a good plan for this week.

Goal Three: Become a Healthy Family. Wow. Have we totally neglected this. As a result, my husband and I are heavier and Little Bit isn't getting the exercise she needs. We are, however, being more diligent about sleep. Now that spring's surfacing, I hope we'll make a quick recovery here!

Goal Four: Widen Our Family Circle. We've been discussing them. I am trying to cultivate a few friendships more, but really, there hasn't been the energy or the wellness, (cold & flu season makes everyone stay in more). We still do our Thursday night dinners, though.

Goal Five: Be a Financially Responsible Family. This is where I've really done the work. We're on a budget using the old fashioned envelope system for things where we tend to overspend - dining out, auto fuel, (because we tack on snacks at the station), and entertainment. We're also saving more and cutting back on unfulfilling expenses. Part of this goal was to write a will. I'm pleased to report we've found an attorney to do our will - now we just need to get our tax refund so we can pay for it!

And the last goal: Create a Family-Friendly Home. We're trying some experiments here. Nothing major - just moving things around, putting toys in places where the family hangs out, moving the TV downstairs so it isn't the center of our life. I'm working on a backyard garden that will be a great place for my child to play. So, progress.

I'd love ideas for how I can achieve these goals.

Schedules and Family

Shortly after setting my New Year's Resolutions, I realized if I wanted to achieve any of them, I need to be a bit less random in how I go about my life. So, this month, I'm focusing on creating schedules and routines, both for myself and my family.

The problem is, I don't like a regimented life. I tend to rebel against any imposed schedule after the first week. But sometimes, we need schedules to bring order to our lives. My challenge will be to create routines that aren't overly rigid, but short and manageable.

So, even though I'm coming down with a cold and felt horrible today, I drug myself out of bed at 7 to write this morning. I didn't get a ton done, but I did get something done. That's one thing less I'll have to do while Little Bit is up and about or after my husband comes home.

Then, when my Little Bit awoke an hour later - after our standard cuddle time - I made her breakfast and coaxed her into eating. She wants to wait to eat breakfast - most of us do - but it's important to jump start your metabolism to eat as soon as you're up, according to my weight loss doctor. Plus, if we eat together, I can make sure we eat within 2-4 hours. By timing our food, I can make sure we don't get so hungry we will eat anything we can grab.

Now for the laundry...

Family | Family Routines |
Healthy Eating

My New Year's Resolutions

During December, I talked about setting family goals, and I set five. But after giving it further thought, I realized these goals were actually small things I wanted to do to achieve overarching changes in our family's life.

The whole purpose of creating this blog was to document my efforts and research on building family. In reviewing what I've written so far, I realize I have six goals for my life and my family:
1. Show the Love. I want to show my family how much I love them. Too often, the small acts get lost in the daily grind. For me, showing the love means making family a priority, as well as little acts of love and physical expressions such as hugs and kisses. My family growing up was never much for physical expressions of love, so this is a bit of a challenge for me. Since I work from home, another challenge for me will be more focused and structured about when I work so it doesn't interfere with family time or my sleep. When I'm sleepy, I tend to be grumpy, and that's NOT showing the Love.
2. Build Family Identity. This means doing things together as a family, such as chores and family dinners. It also includes shaping our family identity by taking actions that reflect the values we, as parents, want to give our child. Obviously, the other goals support this goal.
3. Become a Healthy Family. I mentioned taking a family walk once a week as a goal. It's a good one, but my real goal is for us to simply be more active, eat better, sleep more and take care of ourselves. As the mother, I feel I set the pace here, and frankly, I'm not setting a very good one.
4. Widen Our Family Circle. This means inviting friends and family into our home more, finding more family friends and reaching out into the community as a family.
5. Be a Financially Responsible Family. Financial health can be an overwhelming topic, but there are standard guidelines you should follow: Build an emergency fund, eliminate debt, build savings, buy a home, make sure you have a will, make sure you have life insurance for both parents, make sure you have disability insurance, save for retirement, and so on. For our family, we need to rebuild our saving by curtailing eating out and frivolous spending. That means a budget. I also want to make sure we write a will in the next four months.
6. Create a Family-Friendly Home. My house is pretty kid friendly, but there are things I neglect that would make it more comfortable and more functional for the whole family.

So those are my final resolutions for the New Year and an outline for what I'll be discussing on this blog.
Family | Family Resolutions

Prayer for December 31

Each Sunday, my goal is to share a prayer that focuses on family. This week, I've found a list of resolutions for parents on Beliefnet.com. It could easily be a prayer - and, truthfully, it is my prayer to become a person who practices these resolutions. Here's a few lines from the list:

In 2007, I resolve not to teach my children to have a happy, productive life, but rather to help them choose a happy, productive day. ...

I resolve to relax, while remembering that relaxing does not mean resigning. ...

I resolve to make my approach to parenting reflect the notion that raising a child is more about drawing out what already exists in a youngster rather than about putting in to fill perceived deficiencies. ...

I resolve to make myself dispensable and assist my children in becoming increasingly in charge of themselves and their own lives. ...

I resolve to recognize that my children are in my life as much so I can learn from them as they are so they can learn from me. I will be open to the lessons my children offer me and honor them for helping me learn and grow.

Amen.

Parenting | Prayer | Family | Resolutions

YMCA Offers Family Resolution Help

The YMCA is doing a huge push to build families - probably because this is their competitive edge over other gyms, which seem to view children as incidential. I guess it could be because the Y has a sense of mission....

Anyway, the Y issued a press release about family resolutions. I'm taking it verbatim, because you're allowed to do that with press releases, but I've cut out all the obvious tips like hold a family meeting:

• Make "well-rounded" resolutions. The YMCA suggests developing lifestyle resolutions that balance spirit, mind and body. Consider areas including physical activity, nutrition, community service/volunteerism, worship, learning and fun.
• Make resolutions specific, realistic and measurable. Develop resolutions that are inclusive for the whole family and consider each person's starting point. Choose goals that are simple, measurable and put the family on the road toward a healthier lifestyle.
• Accentuate the positive. Make more resolutions which focus on adding healthy activities rather than restricting unhealthy ones -- adding afresh fruit snack every afternoon will naturally help replace the afternoon candy bar.
• Don't "over resolve." Consider what's realistic given realities of your family current daily life that cannot be changed, or at least not changed overnight.
• Track progress in a fun, interactive and visual way. Put resolutions in writing and display them on the refrigerator where every familymember will see them regularly. Be creative; make resolution posters and charts for mapping progress.
• Celebrate with positive, healthy rewards. Honor each small successwith positive, fun and healthy rewards that meet the needs of the entire family. Schedule regular check-ins, such as a monthly family dinner discussion, and celebrate your achievements, both big and small.
• Prepare for setbacks and work together to overcome barriers as a team. Setbacks aren't failure; they are times to call in the troops for reinforcement. If a family member is having trouble meeting a goal, brainstorm together to develop a new strategy.

The Y also is offering a free New Year's family resolution worksheet, links to other online resources, and ideas for family resolutions.

Technorati | Family Resolutions | New Years Resolution

Resolutions: Why do we do them?

My Hubby has challenged me about my insistence on making New Year's Resolutions. He referenced this article on Lifehacker about how resolutions promote "deficit thinking."

I'm not going to pretend I'm a better person than I am. I told him where to get off.

But perhaps I was too hasty.

When I was young, everybody made resolutions. It was just what you did. And everyone broke them. That, too, was part of the ritual of the New Year - a sort of life/death cycle that recognizes we all have room for improvement, and yet we're so human, we can't actually do something as drastic as change.

This was back in the old days, when if you had a temper, that was just who you were - it wasn't something you worked on or read self-help books to fix. It was just the way things were with you and everybody knew it and took it into account. Certainly, people crossed you - and then you had to decide whether you were bigger and badder than the person who'd made you angry. For years, people treaded lightly around my Papaw, because that man had a quick temper, a mean streak a county wide, and a tongue that would make the devil blush. So people didn't mess with him.

Call it playground therapy: You could have a temper, but one day there might be a bigger bully who'd make you regret it. Eventually, most people developed temperance about their outbursts.

Now, many people simply refuse to make resolutions, which always strikes me as A. cycnical and B. arrogant. But it's probably neither - most likely people are just responding to the new expectation that they will actually work on their resolutions and, before next year rolls around, change themselves in some fundamental way.

And who wants to do that?

Certainly, it is stressful to always be working on something, to always be trying to fix yourself. And shouldn't your family be the one place where you can relax and be loved for who you are, flaws and all?

Over the years, I've learned you can promise change all you want, but with family, you must simply change. Don't tell them you're going to - they won't believe you. Others might offer support, guideance and hold out hope for your change. But family watch your actions and that is what they will believe.

I have lots of goals for my family. I want us to have great family dinners with long discussions. The reality is I have a three-year-old who seldom wants to eat with us, I usually need a nap and then to work, and Hubby is usually running off - literally: He's a runner. And really, we're all fine with that.

I want us to be more outdoorsy as a family, but often we're too tired to do much at the end of the day and weekends we spend playing catch up. Plus, have you ever tried to get a preschooler to go on a long hike? Our Little One is not particularly athletic and doesn't seem to have any outdoors inclinations at all.

So I think I'll keep it simple. Here are my new New Year's Resolutions:
1. Take a family walk once a week, weather permitting. I'm not going out there in the snow, rain or extreme cold. Little One can take her big wheel.
2. Show the Love to my family. Too often, I'm grumpiest to those I love the most. This year, I am resolved to show the love more. I won't promise not to be grumpy - that ain't happening. But I will promise to show affection more.
3. Write a will by spring. Step one: Try out the software I have that lets you write your own will. This has been on the backburner for some time, but since I like to view myself as a responsible parent, I want to get this done.
4. Do something for someone else as a family once a month. I wanted to do a volunteer project with Little One, but after some research, I think that may be too ambitious for now. So, instead, I'm going to look for opportunities to do good things as a family, even if it's just having friends over for dinner.
5. Do something each week/month that makes my house a home. This may be as simple as buying new towels.

So those are my resolution.

Technorati | Family Resolutions | New Years Resolution